Crispy Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) Hello all, I never really thought I'd be the type to join a community and seek advice about personal problems, especially of a sexual nature, but I am trying to "leave no stone unturned" in order to fix this problem that I'm sure many, many others have faced. My wife and I have known each other for about a decade. She is 26, I'm 31, we met in college and were friends (platonic), but kindled a relationship about a year after graduation. Cliches began, sparks flew, everything was hunky-dory, including our sex life. To get all the physical stuff out of the way (and I'm not tooting my own horn), we are both attractive people, I'm good in bed (or maybe "was" is a better word, though I've always had a positive reputation), and I'm well-endowed. She had never had an orgasm before me and has them about 3/4 of the time now. Just getting that out of the way. I don't think the problems lie in the purely physical aspect. We are also financially stable and both frugal people. I love my wife, she is a wonderful woman, mother, and wife. We've been together, in total, about 3 years now, married for about a year and a half. Sex was great at the beginning. I mean, great. Passionate, physically and emotionally pleasing sex. Naturally our relationship reaped the benefits of this as well. I'm not trying to be explicit, but she would get wet before our lips even touched. We WANTED each other. Since the inception phase, it's been an up and down sexual relationship. There would be spans of a couple months when we'd have sex 3 or 4 times a week on average, and also similar spans when we'd have sex 3 or 4 times total. She's always been inconsistent with regards to sex drive, but dips in her drive have always been very temporary until the last year or so. Based on past relationships, I'd qualify her sex drive as "average to above average, but inconsistent." Our non-sexual relationship has always been good. Normal, small problems and arguments, but nothing of note that would have any bearing on this. That being said, about 4 months after we were married, we got pregnant. Purposely. For about a span of a month leading up to the pregnancy we were having tons of sex obviously, some good passionate sex and some strictly utilitarian in nature. But we were having it. The few months before that it was very meh (concerning for a new marriage in my opinion). Infrequent and inconsistent as far as how good it was. Since she got pregnant, which was about 14 months ago, we've had sex maybe 10-12 times total and it's been terrible almost every time. No passion whatsoever. No "I want you" grabbing, rubbing, squeezing, nothing. She usually just lays there and me on top is pretty much the only position allowed now. Probably 50% of her body is off limits (even after the pregnancy which she has physically recovered from very well) including her breasts, stomach, among other areas. During the pregnancy I totally understood and would just ask her to "help me out" every so often (hand job usually once or twice a month, maybe one or two blowjobs in 9 months). Usually she would roll her eyes and oblige, but only to get it overwith. I'm not even complaining about that, I understood it. I rolled with it with very little complaint. I also understand that her drive would be lacking directly after the birth as well, independent of the fact that we physically couldn't have sex for 5-6 weeks after for obvious reasons. I'm not gonna lie, I was very much looking forward to rekindling our sexual relationship after that though. But it hasn't happened. In fact, it's gotten worse than even DURING the pregnancy. Passion has completely disappeared. We rarely have sex and when we do it is awful. She hardly moves, doesn't touch me like at all, very little kissing, etc. I always tell her how beautiful she is, how good she looks, that I love her....but usually the subject is changed immediately. Every time I try to discuss the collapse of our physical relationship (she has never initiated a discussion about it), I'm met with one of two responses: 1) immediate crying and inability to talk about it OR 2) anger and blame towards me (maybe justifiably? I'm still trying to figure this out.) The problems may have to do with her self-image? But if that is the problem, I really don't know what else I can do. I cook dinner all the time, I do chores, I buy her little gifts, I write notes.....nothing has any positive effect on this situation. I'm a bit of an introvert at times and have a little temper but that's always been the case...shouldn't have changed anything I don't think. I work and she stays home to take care of our beautiful son whom we love more than anything on this Earth. Our lives are (relatively) stress-free. I can't imagine external factors have a ton to do with this. But I could absolutely be wrong.....because the truth is I have no clue what happened. Our son does take up a ton of our time, understandably so. But the lack of physical ANYTHING is really starting to be a big problem for me. It's not that she doesn't want to have sex anymore, it's that the thought never even crosses her mind. When we go to bed, sex is not even in the cards. Passion and any form of sexual spontaneity have totally disintegrated. When we do have sex, every single condition must be perfect. If she's even a little tired, no sex. Weekday? Absolutely not. It must be in bed, lights off, missionary, she keeps her shirt on, and very little foreplay. No doubt is having harmful effects on our emotional relationship as well. My theory is that her sexual desire is lacking because our emotional life is lacking, while in my mind our emotional life is lacking because our sexual desire is lacking. I'm seeking advice on how to reconcile the two. I've always enjoyed sex, but really had no idea how truly important it was until the past few months. I'm not looking for sympathy and I know others have had or have it way worse than me. I'm just looking for possible solutions and help. Not really interested in counseling (maybe if it continues down this path), to also get that out of the way. What bothers me the most is that she really doesn't seem to care. It's like she's forgotten that she used to enjoy sex. We used to enjoy sex. Like said before, sex never crosses her mind as even being an option. Forget non-intercourse sexual acts. I have no idea the last time that happened. I love my wife, but I honestly resent her a bit for that. I'd do cartwheels for sex once a week right now, even if it is bad. I've never been one to blatantly "ask" for it, but it's came to that a few times in the last couple months. All of which requests are turned down. When we actually do engage in discussion about it she says "I will work on it" but she never does. That's been said several times in the past year and a half. I tell her all the time if there is anything I can do to fix this....lose weight (I'm not fat), change my actions, do more around the house, etc to no avail. We are 31 and 26 year olds living the lives of a couple in their 60's minus the emotional connection. I miss having the passion, the desire, the expression of love. Badly. This could all be my fault for all I know. Any advice is welcomed, I've got thick skin. Thank you in advance for reading this extremely long monologue and self-pity lol, but feeling rejected for the last 14 months hasn't been a great experience. Edited May 14, 2015 by Crispy
davidromero43 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 My theory is that her sexual desire is lacking because our emotional life is lacking, while in my mind our emotional life is lacking because our sexual desire is lacking. Talk and promises are cheap. When sex becomes routine it gets in a rut. When you focus on it being in the rut. You are just confirming that indeed it is in a rut. And we end up doing this a lot. You have to drive out of the rut. Sounds like she needs something new without knowing she is getting something new. What about taking her dinner and dancing. Sit on the same side of the booth. Some way of having physical contact. Then flood her with compliments. Something to break out of the rut. I think that is why sex drops after marriage. We learn what each other likes sexually and we do it. That is great at first. But after a while it becomes routine. Then it starts to look like a chore.
Methodical Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 ^ Been married 20 years and our sex life is anything but stale . Your sex life has tanked the last 14 months and it started with the pregnancy. My initial thoughts are her body has gone thru tons of changes, hormonal and physical. The hormonal part should be leveling off. (TBH, hubs and I were extremely active as soon as we were given the green light after baby #1, and um, well, baby # 2 arrived 12 months later so I can't speak from experience on the lack of desire after pregnancy, obviously ) I went back to work asap too, which was a bit of a relief, really. Stay at home moms have a hell of a job... tho a lot of ppl don't see it that way. (I love my kids and I'd do anything for them. They're teenagers now and I could very easily derail so let me get back on topic.) Going to work gave me break, so to speak. Getting up and down with a baby who needs to be fed and diapered every few hours doesn't allow much time for quality sleep. So, now you're dealing with hormonal fluctuation, sleep deprivation, and...a body that no longer looks and feels toned. From what you have stated, she has MAJOR body image issues right now.... keeps shirt on during sex, lights off, no zones, missionary only, etc. Keep telling her how gorgeous and amazing she is, she needs reassurance to get her to re-engage FULLY, not just more sex, but being comfortable being naked with the lights on and having no reservation. Is she nursing? (More info. depending on your answer.) Getting irritated and frustrated will only compound the issue and hard as it may be, try to be patient. She easily tears up now too, was this ever an issue before? If not, postpartum blues is kicking her ass and she may not realize it. That being the case, a trip to the doctor is warranted and you should go with her and explain everything taking place. Suggestions: run a bath for her and take care of the baby while she soaks. Try giving her a massage. Get a babysitter, grandparents, neighbor, etc. and go on a date. I'll stop here for now. Anything more you care to add may be helpful. 1
Morro72 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Get her to see a doctor. This sort of stuff is not typical, and some of it sounds like it may be depression. In any case it's something for a professional. Do whatever it takes to get her to see someone. 2
Auspecial Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I agree with Morro, there is something else going on aside from low libido or hormones. This is just a stab in the dark, but I am thinking she has some kind of hang up about being a mother. She knows how to do it properly, and of course wants to be a mother and loves her son, but something about the whole process has her flubbed up. Most women I know had a big increase in libido during pregnancy, unless they have some kind of mental block. Having some post partum depression could affect OP's wifes desire, but this started before she even had the baby. Then there is also the fact that despite it all, we do have physical bodies and at some point most of us will have sx with a partner because we need it. Going months and months or rolling eyes with one request in a month, this is something quite wrong. It is sad. I think she should get some counseling before she loses her marriage. 1
SJS Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I agree with the thought that it could be PPD. She could also be stuck in mommy mode. That's hard to get out of. If you don't have date night, start. Make her feel like a woman again...hug her, kiss her, non sexual things. IME the sex will follow once she can learn how to go between mommy and wife. 1
Author Crispy Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Y'all, thank you for the responses. I also considered (considering) PPD of some sort, but she really doesn't seem at all depressed. She's a bit moody with the baby and all, but is generally in a good mood. She's probably in a good mood more often than I am (what a schlub I am, I know). I guess that is what stumps me.....everything "seems" okay, but she just "seems" completely content with a sexless marriage. It doesn't bother her, which to me is the most concerning aspect of the whole thing. At our age and this early in the marriage she already seems content with almost never having sex and never having good sex. She used to enjoy it, but it's like she's completely erased that from her mind. Physically she's recovered incredibly well. She's maybe 5-10 pounds heavier than she was pre-pregnancy, but even that is starting to come off. She must have some distorted self-image or something (like Methodical said)? I always tell her how good she looks and I'm not even sexual about it. I say it because it's true. But when we do have sex (once a month, maybe twice), it's lights-off, shirt on, missionary.....and I know it's going to be terrible before it even starts. That's a really ****ty and helpless feeling lol. I really do help out with the baby when I get home from work and also with chores and realize how incredibly hard being a stay-at-home mom is because I start to go a little bonkers in a few hours. I made a concerted effort to relieve her of those duties so she might can relax a bit....and while she is thankful for it, the thought of taking advantage of this relaxation never crosses her mind. She does a wonderful job as a mother, btw. What sucks is that having a civil discourse about it is nearly impossible. We've been in ruts before, but if I thought it was just a rut I wouldn't be reaching out like I am. I feel like the longer this goes on, the harder it will be to break out of it. I know I sound like "oh, woe is me" but at our age, we should be enjoying the wonderful gift that sex is and I'm a firm believer that good sex naturally makes every other aspect of marriage so so much better. Thus why this is so important.
Author Crispy Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Get her to see a doctor. This sort of stuff is not typical, and some of it sounds like it may be depression. In any case it's something for a professional. Do whatever it takes to get her to see someone. I'm thinking about going with her to her next appointment. Is that over-stepping?
Author Crispy Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 I agree with the thought that it could be PPD. She could also be stuck in mommy mode. That's hard to get out of. If you don't have date night, start. Make her feel like a woman again...hug her, kiss her, non sexual things. IME the sex will follow once she can learn how to go between mommy and wife. We have date night every week. Honestly, our relationship is relatively good considering how bad the sexual side is....which I guess is a good thing. But my thinking is, how incredibly good would it be if the sex were also good! You're right though, I need to express love in non-sexual ways like that more often. I will say that it's been more difficult to do that on a regular basis when I've been physically rejected for over a year. But I probably need to make more of an effort on that front.
Mr Carson Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Crispy Your situation sounds just like my W and I, roughly the same age, at the same time and all. What you’re going through is, I think quite normal. Your wife isn’t thinking about your sexual needs at this time, she’s thinking about taking care of your baby, making sure the house is clean, laundry, dinner, and many other things I’ve not mentioned that you don’t even know about. Only she does. After having a baby many women have body issues, they don’t feel great about their bodies and this certainly affects her libido. You need to be patient with her, you had a good sex life prior to this, you can have one after, but somethings take time. Remember you’re in this M for the long haul. My wife went through the same thing, 20 years later, we have a better sex life now that we ever had in our youth. You have to understand her priority has shifted, and things will come around, just be the best father and husband you can be. 4
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) Crispy Your situation sounds just like my W and I, roughly the same age, at the same time and all. What you’re going through is, I think quite normal. Your wife isn’t thinking about your sexual needs at this time, she’s thinking about taking care of your baby, making sure the house is clean, laundry, dinner, and many other things I’ve not mentioned that you don’t even know about. Only she does. After having a baby many women have body issues, they don’t feel great about their bodies and this certainly affects her libido. You need to be patient with her, you had a good sex life prior to this, you can have one after, but somethings take time. Remember you’re in this M for the long haul. My wife went through the same thing, 20 years later, we have a better sex life now that we ever had in our youth. You have to understand her priority has shifted, and things will come around, just be the best father and husband you can be. THANK YOU! Honestly, men have the whole childbirth thing in the bag. I'm so tired of hearing them bellyache that their needs aren't getting met just weeks after the birth of their children. Give me a break. How about you try carrying a life inside your body for 9 months as you watch your body morph into something unrecognizable then push a 7+ lb human being out your teeny tiny hole only to witness your body continue to change whilst your emotions take you hostage as you realize you're responsible for another human life provided you can keep it alive long enough THEN see if you're ready to tend to the sexual needs of your pouting spouse:p I'm a woman who divorced her husband because MY sexual needs weren't getting met for far too long so this rant isn't coming from someone who doesn't know the value of an intimate relationship with their spouse. And I understand that some marriages never bounce back from having children but you're just weeks in. And PPD is very real. I had it really bad and almost took my life along with my child in the process if it weren't for professional intervention. However, blindly labeling all women who can't bounce back the moment they push out the baby is a cop out not to mention unfair. If there are serious concerns, seek medial help immediately. At some point you're going to have to CHILL. Try to understand what she's gone through and continues to go through. Your job was easy. Hers wasn't and won't be for a while. Panicking at the moment your needs aren't getting met and jumping to conclusions aren't going to help matters. Love her and pamper her. Above all, be patient and forgiving. Help out as much as you can and remind her how desirable she still is. Eventually she'll get to a point where she'll feel more comfortable with balancing the baby and life and you. Pressuring her and making her feel like she's dropped the ball only fuels her insecurities and raises her stress level and that isn't good for anyone. Edited May 15, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle
truncated Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Is there any chance that sex is painful for her/ It is for some women after they have their baby, especially if she had a cesarean, had a tear , episiotomy or needed stitches "down there". Those can take a while to heal, and the nerves can be very sensitive. Another possibility is that she is just plain tired, nervous of getting pregnant again, and if she is nursing, that can often lead to a crash in libido ( maybe natures way of keeping women form having two children too close together?) New moms often devote so much of their mental energy to their baby ( normal part of bonding) that they don't have much left over. Over time, that should fade, and she will begin the process of separating herself from her child. Try talking to her about it in terms of something like " i love you, think you're beautiful and want to be intimate with you sexually, but I know that, right now, you're not in the mood and I understand that. How about we cuddle up on the couch and just enjoy being together, no pressure." While you do, give her a massage, stroke her hair and cheeks gently, and just enjoy being with one another in the quiet. A a mom who had three kids, I remember those days and, oddly enough, knowing that we could just be together in an intimate way, without any pressure was very relaxing and ( I know this sounds really weird) allowed me to regroup mentally and was actually a real "aphrodisiac".
Author Crispy Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Crispy Your situation sounds just like my W and I, roughly the same age, at the same time and all. What you’re going through is, I think quite normal. Your wife isn’t thinking about your sexual needs at this time, she’s thinking about taking care of your baby, making sure the house is clean, laundry, dinner, and many other things I’ve not mentioned that you don’t even know about. Only she does. After having a baby many women have body issues, they don’t feel great about their bodies and this certainly affects her libido. You need to be patient with her, you had a good sex life prior to this, you can have one after, but somethings take time. Remember you’re in this M for the long haul. My wife went through the same thing, 20 years later, we have a better sex life now that we ever had in our youth. You have to understand her priority has shifted, and things will come around, just be the best father and husband you can be. Encouraging words. Thank you.
Author Crispy Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 THANK YOU! Honestly, men have the whole childbirth thing in the bag. I'm so tired of hearing them bellyache that their needs aren't getting met just weeks after the birth of their children. Give me a break. How about you try carrying a life inside your body for 9 months as you watch your body morph into something unrecognizable then push a 7+ lb human being out your teeny tiny hole only to witness your body continue to change whilst your emotions take you hostage as you realize you're responsible for another human life provided you can keep it alive long enough THEN see if you're ready to tend to the sexual needs of your pouting spouse:p I'm a woman who divorced her husband because MY sexual needs weren't getting met for far too long so this rant isn't coming from someone who doesn't know the value of an intimate relationship with their spouse. And I understand that some marriages never bounce back from having children but you're just weeks in. And PPD is very real. I had it really bad and almost took my life along with my child in the process if it weren't for professional intervention. However, blindly labeling all women who can't bounce back the moment they push out the baby is a cop out not to mention unfair. If there are serious concerns, seek medial help immediately. At some point you're going to have to CHILL. Try to understand what she's gone through and continues to go through. Your job was easy. Hers wasn't and won't be for a while. Panicking at the moment your needs aren't getting met and jumping to conclusions aren't going to help matters. Love her and pamper her. Above all, be patient and forgiving. Help out as much as you can and remind her how desirable she still is. Eventually she'll get to a point where she'll feel more comfortable with balancing the baby and life and you. Pressuring her and making her feel like she's dropped the ball only fuels her insecurities and raises her stress level and that isn't good for anyone. .....I'm wondering if you actually read what I wrote or found an opening to rant and blame....take a chill pill. I never said PPD wasn't real (in fact, I very much left this possibility open), I'm not panicking, I never generalized women, and if it was just "at the moment" I wouldn't be seeking advice.
Author Crispy Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Is there any chance that sex is painful for her/ It is for some women after they have their baby, especially if she had a cesarean, had a tear , episiotomy or needed stitches "down there". Those can take a while to heal, and the nerves can be very sensitive. I think this is a possibility. At first, this DEFINITELY was an issue. Aside from the obvious pain and trauma that birth brings about, I am not too shabby in the size department. That combined made the first couple experiences after the birth very awkward and for us, unpleasing for her to say the least I imagine. However, she told me that it hurt but also expressed that it has improved over time. I think that if it still was an issue, she would tell me and we'd take avenues to mitigate this. Though we've always had to do (willingly) a significant amount of "preparation" for sex to be totally enjoyable for her if we weren't doing it on the reg. With the advice I've received on here, the problems seem to be multiple and I think they're in her head both before, during, and after sex....thus limiting her enjoyment. Probably issues that both of us need to reconcile together.
Taken48 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 WOW....let me just say, that your lengthy post shows how much you love your wife and how concerned you are with your marriage. Kudos to you! 2
SJS Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I don't know about other women, but for a long time after childbirth I just felt maxed out for touching...the baby was on me all day, husband trying to get on me at night. I just wanted to be left alone. It's also hard to feel sexy when your hair smells like spoiled milk and you've been playing peek-a-boo all day. But this also may be a reason why I only had one.
Seachan Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Don't rugsweep this, OP. I'm a mom of 3 kids and my H and I had plenty of sex before, during and after pregnancy. Even a nasty episiotomy didn't stop me from going at it with my H. I *knew* that this is a critical component of marriage and that for the sake of my marital happiness and children's stability, I needed to make sure to tend this area of M - even with the exhaustion of being a new mom. Men *need* sex for emotional and mental health. It helps de-stress, reduce blood pressure, etc. Don't be afraid to admit you have these needs. I suggest you be pro-active and directly address this area of your marriage with your wife. Don't let resentment build and wait till you're tempted by an attractive co-worker - blowing up the marriage - before talking out this issue. Suggest marriage counseling, if necessary.
oldshirt Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 THANK YOU! Honestly, men have the whole childbirth thing in the bag. I'm so tired of hearing them bellyache that their needs aren't getting met just weeks after the birth of their children. Give me a break. How about you try carrying a life inside your body for 9 months as you watch your body morph into something unrecognizable then push a 7+ lb human being out your teeny tiny hole only to witness your body continue to change whilst your emotions take you hostage as you realize you're responsible for another human life provided you can keep it alive long enough THEN see if you're ready to tend to the sexual needs of your pouting spouse:p I'm a woman who divorced her husband because MY sexual needs weren't getting met for far too long so this rant isn't coming from someone who doesn't know the value of an intimate relationship with their spouse. And I understand that some marriages never bounce back from having children but you're just weeks in. And PPD is very real. I had it really bad and almost took my life along with my child in the process if it weren't for professional intervention. However, blindly labeling all women who can't bounce back the moment they push out the baby is a cop out not to mention unfair. If there are serious concerns, seek medial help immediately. At some point you're going to have to CHILL. Try to understand what she's gone through and continues to go through. Your job was easy. Hers wasn't and won't be for a while. Panicking at the moment your needs aren't getting met and jumping to conclusions aren't going to help matters. Love her and pamper her. Above all, be patient and forgiving. Help out as much as you can and remind her how desirable she still is. Eventually she'll get to a point where she'll feel more comfortable with balancing the baby and life and you. Pressuring her and making her feel like she's dropped the ball only fuels her insecurities and raises her stress level and that isn't good for anyone. I would agree with this if they had been swinging from the chandeliers and having hot, passionate, porno sex up until the birth of the child and it was in the first few months after birth. However in this instance, there was a noticeable decrease in the quantity and quality of sex after the marriage and then falling off the charts after the baby and it has now been over a year. This isn't the disruption and exhaustion and transition period after the birth of a new baby, this is a chronic dysfunction that needs serious assessment and intervention.
oldshirt Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 I agree with what some of the others are saying, this is probably not just one issue that has a singular discreet treatment such as doing more chores around the house or giving more foot and back rubs and Saturday night date nights. This is probably a multitude of chronic, underlying issues that will likely require multi-disciplinary professional intervention. Here is a listing of possible contributing factors - - Hormonal imbalance - response to some kind of medication - PPD/depression, undiagnosed mental issues. - feeling overwhelmed and out of control and does not feel supported by you. - some other underlying relationship issue. - Bait-and-switch. ie, she was never that into you but her goal was marriage and offspring and now she has that and you are the one that funds things. - Loss of attraction to you now that you are in the father/provider role. - severe body dysmorphia or other self-image issues. As we have stated, there are probably multiple factors and combinations of those things taking place and it will take professional intervention, assessment and treatment to have any hope of fixing. She is likely going to need to see a medical doctor, an IC, and both of you are going to need MC. My advice is to start by making arrangments with a MC yourself on your own and meet that person alone for the first meeting and describe what's going on and have that counselor help you organize your thoughts and priorities and come up with a game plan on how to address it with her and get her to realize the seriousness and what is at stake. She will likely also require a full medical and hormonal evaluation. The challenge will be getting her to get the exam without making it seem like it is just you forcing her to go to the doctor so you can get more ass. I will address more in the post below.....
oldshirt Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 .....here's the catch - you are probably going to have to blow something up in order to get her to go to counseling and to seek medical/psychological evaluation. She sees this as YOUR problem and it doesn't bother her that she isn't having sex or having any desire for you. You are going to have to take something away from her that she holds dear in order for her to realize what is at stake and to take it seriously. You may have to separate and may even have to start taking steps towards divorce and moving on with your own life without her before she sees the light and realizes you are serious and that this is a critical situation. Any less than that and she just sees you as a whiny, horny man that is only interested in sex. She may need to see you moving on with your own life and leaving her behind as a single mother before she wakes up and takes it seriously and truly addresses the issues with sincerity and good faith.
oldshirt Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 .... and another risk is your resentment may build after you realize that you had to basically divorce your wife to get her to take you seriously and show you any affections.
Miss Clavel Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) Get her to see a doctor. This sort of stuff is not typical, and some of it sounds like it may be depression. In any case it's something for a professional. Do whatever it takes to get her to see someone. i agree. maybe she needs to have her hormones checked. maybe she's afraid to get preggers again? i think he needs to speak to her softly and kindly. tell her she's the one he wants and can't live without. tell her how much she means to him and how much he needs to "be with her". after that, remind her that he took a vow to only have sex with her and if she is finished with sex, ask, "where does that leave me"? it leaves him alone, with out the love of his life, his wife. that's cruel. Edited May 19, 2015 by Miss Clavel
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