unveristy student Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 I've never been on this site before but I'm in the same situation that a lot of other ppl. My girlfriend of 2 years has gained quiet a bit of weight. We're both in University and both are around 20 years old. She's not a big girl, close to 5 feet but she's gained a substantial amount of weight maybe 20-25 pounds. She used to be 100 pounds and in good shape when we started dating and now she's very heavy. I'm no longer finding her attractive physically even though we get along amazing and I do love her! The problem is that she isn't physically active and doesn't watch what she eats. I'm a very active person, and I'm in very good shape even though we have the same eating habbits. I enjoy going out for dinner quiet a bit to restaurants and of course I bring her. I feel bad everytime I do though because I somtimes think it's partly my fault for having her gain wait because of me taking her out. It's been a problem now for about a year and it seems like she continues gaining. I've encouraged her to join a gym NOT because she was over weight, but because "It would keep her healthy". She went for about 3 weeks and stopped going after. I've tried to encourage her to do easy activites with me like rollerblading or biking but she always seems to have to stop because something hurts or she just gives up and quits..... plus she doesn't eat very healthy at home, with always snacking on junk food.... I'm completely out of ideas here! It bothers her that we aren't as intimate as we used to be, and when she asks me why we aren't as much I don't really have anything to say.... Obviously it's because of her weight making me less attracted to her, but I've never said that to her.... I feel like a jerk for thinking it..... Should I just be straight forward and honest with her next time she brings it up, or should I do something else? We're only 20 so we should be in the best shape of our lives right now!! It bothers me that she's let herself go this much. what should I do?
Silverspring Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 It's interesting how guys feel bad telling a woman that they're unattractive because they're "fat" but have no remorse telling a thin woman that they're unattractive because she's "too skinny". How many times have you heard people ripping on Paris Hilton because she's skinny? Too many. Have you heard people making cruel remarks about Queen Latifah because she's fat? I haven't. There is a big double standard here in obese nation. The average American woman is heavier than women in other countries and they fight their insecurities by forcing the thought that "curvy" or "voluptuous" women are better. Part of this process entails encouraging men to denounce the normal, thin to average weight women as being anorexic, while praising the overweight women as being "real" because they're curvy. And if you even think about telling a woman the honest truth that they're fat, in America, it's the biggest sin. But the fact remains that skinny women are cruelly put down ALL THE TIME, so why can't men do the same thing to fat women? I think it's time for Americans to stop discriminating against skinny women and let fat women have their share of honest opinions.
agnf666 Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 Since you two have been dating for over 2 years now. She has is in the "Comfort Zone". She may not be realizing it either. Maybe if you encourage her to eat healthier or something. Go to the gym with her. DO active things together. That may help her out. I'm 19 and not in the best shape but I'm getting there. Just give her some support to help her get back on track.
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