LifeandPerseverance Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) I've had Tinder for awhile, but Ive only written a guy on there first ONCE. I've let them all come to me. I believe it just doesn't seem like the guy is interested, or it won't go well if I "pursue". Like somehow it screws up the primitive chase guys have to have. Anyways...My brother (who is still in college) has had this statistics instructor all semester. The instructor is my age and a grad student, and my brother tells me a minimum of twice a week all semester, the hilarious things this guy says. It's exactly the same sense of humor I have. Then he follows it up with, "You gotta meet this guy. You would really like him." For kicks about a month ago, we looked him up on facebook, and I saw a pic--I thought he was really attractive. Anyways, so it's been a running joke with my brother, "Oh yeah, get me his number". The semester just ended last week. And I figured that was the end of it. ...But then I was swiping on Tinder Tuesday morning, and there he was. Apparently he swiped right last night, too. So we're a mutual match. But there's a problem. He didn't write me (not unusual, probably 80% of guys don't message, and then nothing becomes of it). It says he was last active 13 hours ago, so shortly after we matched. I know he's been grading his brains out for the past few days (grades are due this morning at noon). How do I successfully write a guy first on tinder? He has no bio, so I don't have a lot to go on, and I also don't want to be like "OH YEAH, YOU WERE MY YOUNGER BROTHER'S STATS PROFESSOR ALL SEMESTER AND HE TOLD ME HOW FUNNY YOU ARE." Edited May 14, 2015 by LifeandPerseverance
Redhead14 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I've had Tinder for awhile, but Ive only written a guy on there first ONCE. I've let them all come to me. I believe it just doesn't seem like the guy is interested, or it won't go well if I "pursue". Like somehow it screws up the primitive chase guys have to have. Anyways...My brother (who is still in college) has had this statistics instructor all semester. The instructor is my age and a grad student, and my brother tells me a minimum of twice a week all semester, the hilarious things this guy says. It's exactly the same sense of humor I have. Then he follows it up with, "You gotta meet this guy. You would really like him." For kicks about a month ago, we looked him up on facebook, and I saw a pic--I thought he was really attractive. Anyways, so it's been a running joke with my brother, "Oh yeah, get me his number". The semester just ended last week. And I figured that was the end of it. ...But then I was swiping on Tinder Tuesday morning, and there he was. Apparently he swiped right last night, too. So we're a mutual match. But there's a problem. He didn't write me (not unusual, probably 80% of guys don't message, and then nothing becomes of it). It says he was last active 13 hours ago, so shortly after we matched. I know he's been grading his brains out for the past few days (grades are due this morning at noon). How do I successfully write a guy first on tinder? He has no bio, so I don't have a lot to go on, and I also don't want to be like "OH YEAH, YOU WERE MY YOUNGER BROTHER'S STATS PROFESSOR ALL SEMESTER AND HE TOLD ME HOW FUNNY YOU ARE." On Tinder or OLD sites, I think the women pursuing men "rule" doesn't apply yet. If you're interested in someone and they seem to be or are identified as a match, reach out to them. If they don't respond, so what. It can't be a rejection. Rejection is too harsh a term for that. It's a numbers thing. Reach out to as many as you find interesting. If you schedule a meeting, it's just a meeting to verify that the person is who they say they are and look like their picture at least. After that, I would default to letting the man "pursue".
Syberia Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 If you're interested, why not message him first? If I knew that a woman and I were mutually attracted, but was on the fence about contacting her or preoccupied about something else, and she contacted me first, it would make me more interested, not less. This is one of those situations where you have literally nothing to lose; either you matched and he doesn't contact you, or you contact him and he doesn't respond. The "bad" outcome is the same either way.
Gary S Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Why don't you let your bother set you up, do the dirty work, and avoid rejection? You can write to him first, but you risk rejection. That said, if they like you, it does not matter who asks who first. Listen, guys are pretty simple... if they like a girl, they would not mind if she fell into his lap
fitnessfan365 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Send this : I showed my brother the hot guy I matched with, and it turns out he is in your statistics class! At the very least he'll respond out of curiosity to see who your brother is. Also, since you made your attraction known, it will let him take the hint to ask you out. But there's all sorts of fun playful dialogue you could have. Since he teaches statistics, you could comment on "what are the odds", etc, or that you're glad you're not in the class too because you'd always be distracted by him, etc..
El Pallasso Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 There's nothing wrong with reaching out to a man and asking him out. It's 2015 not 1960. 1
cessna Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Why should the man be the one to always make first contact, the first approach, strike up a conversation? If a man doesn't do any of these apparently he's not interested. When a woman doesn't do any of these it's because the man should do all the work. Apparently.
joseb Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I've been thinking about this a bit lately. Since joining Tinder. So I've matched with a fair few girls, but not one of them has messaged me. I was seriously wondering if there was something blocking females from sending the first message!
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