lionheart153 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 So I guess I have been seeing this girl for a few weeks now. We have gone on 2 dates that ended ok, first was great second was a bit awkward but ok as well. We never did anything other than just talk, I took her out to dinner and such. I did try to kiss her and while she didn't pull back she stopped me before we kissed and said "not yet" and I respected her and left it. So recently we have been texting, she doesn't like talking on the phone because she is insecure and thinks she sounds like a 12 year old, and she said she won't answer if I call her. Last night we were texting, we didn't text the whole day really until right before going to bed. I asked her if she would like to hang out again because she doesn't classify what we did as dating, because she thinks dating only counts if you are a couple (ie bf and gf). She replied with "depends when" (I am aware I should have set a day for it) but I confirmed with her that she would be down to hang out again, just to know when. I have a fairly busy schedule this whole weekend so I did not have a set date for this hang out so I told her that I just wanted to know that she is down to hang out again. and she replied with "yes. just to be clear yes to hanging out. Not anything else. Yet" (that was a paraphrase of the conversation). I tried to probe her about it and she kept saying "NVM" so then I made a joke that she liked me. And she answered with "what? that's not what I meant at all" I recovered from that but then just thought oh hell might as well dive in and asked her if she didn't like me? She answered with "do you mean like like you? cause I'm not sure about the like like yet" I probed deeper and she was honest with me and wasn't afraid to tell me what was on her mind, she kept saying "I just don't know yet, I don't like rushing into things, I'm unsure about how i feel like I don't know how I feel at all. its kinda hard, I usually rush into everything and I've had negative consequences because of it, so I'm taking it slow for my own sake. I'm not all that special, I've never been treated well by a guy, and I feel strange about it. I'm gonna have to wait and think about it some more. It's not you at all just so you know. Finally I asked if there was someone else and she said no, just dealing with her own insecurities. kinda a whole new experience. So long story short, it seems like she has some issues. I don't know if its worth my time to see this through, i like her personality she's fun, and she's super cute but it is obvious she has insecurities. And I treat women like a gentleman, and she seemed surprised by that. Like me paying for her dinner. Or offering to pick her up when I find nothing odd about those gestures. What do you guys think? Does it sound like to much?
Redhead14 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 So I guess I have been seeing this girl for a few weeks now. We have gone on 2 dates that ended ok, first was great second was a bit awkward but ok as well. We never did anything other than just talk, I took her out to dinner and such. I did try to kiss her and while she didn't pull back she stopped me before we kissed and said "not yet" and I respected her and left it. So recently we have been texting, she doesn't like talking on the phone because she is insecure and thinks she sounds like a 12 year old, and she said she won't answer if I call her. Last night we were texting, we didn't text the whole day really until right before going to bed. I asked her if she would like to hang out again because she doesn't classify what we did as dating, because she thinks dating only counts if you are a couple (ie bf and gf). She replied with "depends when" (I am aware I should have set a day for it) but I confirmed with her that she would be down to hang out again, just to know when. I have a fairly busy schedule this whole weekend so I did not have a set date for this hang out so I told her that I just wanted to know that she is down to hang out again. and she replied with "yes. just to be clear yes to hanging out. Not anything else. Yet" (that was a paraphrase of the conversation). I tried to probe her about it and she kept saying "NVM" so then I made a joke that she liked me. And she answered with "what? that's not what I meant at all" I recovered from that but then just thought oh hell might as well dive in and asked her if she didn't like me? She answered with "do you mean like like you? cause I'm not sure about the like like yet" I probed deeper and she was honest with me and wasn't afraid to tell me what was on her mind, she kept saying "I just don't know yet, I don't like rushing into things, I'm unsure about how i feel like I don't know how I feel at all. its kinda hard, I usually rush into everything and I've had negative consequences because of it, so I'm taking it slow for my own sake. I'm not all that special, I've never been treated well by a guy, and I feel strange about it. I'm gonna have to wait and think about it some more. It's not you at all just so you know. Finally I asked if there was someone else and she said no, just dealing with her own insecurities. kinda a whole new experience. So long story short, it seems like she has some issues. I don't know if its worth my time to see this through, i like her personality she's fun, and she's super cute but it is obvious she has insecurities. And I treat women like a gentleman, and she seemed surprised by that. Like me paying for her dinner. Or offering to pick her up when I find nothing odd about those gestures. What do you guys think? Does it sound like to much? she is insecure and thinks she sounds like a 12 year old, and she said she won't answer if I call her. -- Won't answer if you call? She is 12 and that will become more and more evident as you get to know her. The only other reason she might not answer is that her mother, father or boyfriend are in the house . . .
Author lionheart153 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 she is insecure and thinks she sounds like a 12 year old, and she said she won't answer if I call her. -- Won't answer if you call? She is 12 and that will become more and more evident as you get to know her. The only other reason she might not answer is that her mother, father or boyfriend are in the house . . . That kinda of sounds like you are jumping to the conclusion that she's a bad person. What if she really is insecure, so far from what I see that seems evident, as she is so insecure with her looks she plans on plastic surgery. Perhaps if I did not already have the feeling that was was low self esteemed and insecure I would think something is off but, its consistent with her behaviour and personality
Redhead14 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 That kinda of sounds like you are jumping to the conclusion that she's a bad person. What if she really is insecure, so far from what I see that seems evident, as she is so insecure with her looks she plans on plastic surgery. Perhaps if I did not already have the feeling that was was low self esteemed and insecure I would think something is off but, its consistent with her behaviour and personality No, I'm not saying she's a bad person, just very immature. And, you say she's insecure, that is a manifestation of immaturity as well. It will be pervasive in other aspects of her life. Not answering the phone because of this is an extreme reaction and way of dealing with things. It's almost avoidant. If you do date her for a bit, pay close attention to her family relationships, her financial standing and the way she deals with problems, and communication in general. If she is immature, insecure and avoidant, she will have significant personal issues that may snowball on her. I'm not saying don't give her chance if you really like her, just go slow and observe. She may very well be someone you can have a relationship with. You never really know.
Gary S Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Won't kiss or talk on the phone? She's a control freak.
Author lionheart153 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 No, I'm not saying she's a bad person, just very immature. And, you say she's insecure, that is a manifestation of immaturity as well. It will be pervasive in other aspects of her life. Not answering the phone because of this is an extreme reaction and way of dealing with things. It's almost avoidant. If you do date her for a bit, pay close attention to her family relationships, her financial standing and the way she deals with problems, and communication in general. If she is immature, insecure and avoidant, she will have significant personal issues that may snowball on her. I'm not saying don't give her chance if you really like her, just go slow and observe. She may very well be someone you can have a relationship with. You never really know. Well its polarizing, some times shes smart and confident and interacts in a way that makes me more attracted to her, yet other times its polarizing. I don't get a consistent feed. I am older and I am at a point in my life that I feel things should just work, games are not that fun to play any more. Sometimes it seems like shes got it all together and other times its like she is falling apart. But is it weird that I just want her even more, because lets face it, a perfect person would be boring as hell.
Author lionheart153 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Won't kiss or talk on the phone? She's a control freak. I can't tell if you are being sarcastic. We have only known each other for barely two weeks, and been on 2 dates/hang outs. So I can't blame her. Seems like she has been hurt before.
Redhead14 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Well its polarizing, some times shes smart and confident and interacts in a way that makes me more attracted to her, yet other times its polarizing. I don't get a consistent feed. I am older and I am at a point in my life that I feel things should just work, games are not that fun to play any more. Sometimes it seems like shes got it all together and other times its like she is falling apart. But is it weird that I just want her even more, because lets face it, a perfect person would be boring as hell. its polarizing - Bingo. Your earlier remark "Perhaps if I did not already have the feeling that was was low self esteemed and insecure I would think something is off but, its consistent with her behaviour and personality" kinda stopped me from suggesting a personality disorder because essentially you were saying she has low self esteem and was insecure and that was coming through in her behavior and so doesn't suggest a personality disorder. It's when the behavior deviates from the personality or vice versa that sends up a flag. However, it is now clear that that may be a possibility. The info you give above coupled with that not answering the phone thing, says a lot. Just go out with her, enjoy the time and observe. Yes, it may keep things interesting for you, but your patience will wear thin if it's more than plain old low-self esteem or insecurity.
Author lionheart153 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 If she is hesitant to date, or as she has said, she doesn't know. Maybe thats a cue for me to move on?
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