msmeliss84 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Sorry a head of time if this is a repeat post. First time posting, not entirely sure how to work this thing! I've been with my boyfriend for ten months. I have a son from a previous relationship and he absolutely adores my boyfriend. My living situation got difficult 3 months into the relationship, so he offered us to move in with him. I was reluctant but grateful. Ever since then, I feel like our relationship went on warp speed and its no good. I fell pregnant from a broken condom two months into moving in with him but lost the baby. He was so excited to have it though where I was not. It was the start of where I stopped feeling things for him. I realized after five months of dating, he was deeper into this than I was and I started to feel the walls closing in on me. His/our lease is up at the end of this month and I've expressed all of my doubts and how I will be moving in with my parents while he goes ahead and moves somewhere else. He treats me better than any man ever has. He can support me and my son and provide us such a comfortable life. But theres something missing. I'm not physically drawn to him and our chemistry is meh. Our differences in hobbies, music, and opinions on some important issues are really bringing me down. He doesn't want to give up on talking me into moving in with him somewhere else, but I've told him I needed to take a step back in the relationship in order to see where I really stand and how I really feel. He thinks its going to break us up. Am I just having commitment issues by not wanting to picture a happy family with him or moving in with him to another place? Or should I trust the uncomfortable feeling? There are times where his voice and mannerisms make me cringe. I'm afraid moving in with him will only make that feeling worse. thank you
Gary S Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I don't get it... you say you are feeling smothered, but you are moving out. isn't that what you want?
Author msmeliss84 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 It is what I want. I told him I needed to take a step back in the relationship because we rushed into everything. I'm just trying to figure out if my reasons are valid (ie. opposite hobbies, tastes in music/activities, and not being very attracted to him) or if I'm just being a commitment phobe. (side note- digging your avatar)
Trishern Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 You really aren't that into him, or you'd be happy that he wants you and your son living with him and that he's willing to support you both. Sometimes we can't force feelings. See how things go when you're back with your parents, but the realtionship is too one sided and I don't think there is anything he can do to make you want him more. If your feelings don't change, then end it so you can both move on. Mrs. Trishern 1
katiegrl Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 It is what I want. I told him I needed to take a step back in the relationship because we rushed into everything. I'm just trying to figure out if my reasons are valid (ie. opposite hobbies, tastes in music/activities, and not being very attracted to him) or if I'm just being a commitment phobe. (side note- digging your avatar) If a man makes you *cringe* ....this is your cue to leave. Without more info, can't say if it's commitment phobia ....has this been a pattern in your relationships? Losing interest (feeling repulsed) just as it's about to move to the next level?
Author msmeliss84 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 ....has this been a pattern in your relationships? Losing interest (feeling repulsed) just as it's about to move to the next level? I've only had two true relationships in my adult life and no, the other one did not end because I was afraid of moving to the next level. We broke up because he wasn't done "growing up" and I wanted to move in together after two years and start a joint savings for vacations and stuff like that. This is different. It's been forced from the beginning I fear. We started off as friends and my family adored him and kept pushing me to date him because he was obviously into me. It's lovely being treated so well and we make a great team, but I've felt like we've just been roommates for the longest time. Nothing more.
katiegrl Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I've only had two true relationships in my adult life and no, the other one did not end because I was afraid of moving to the next level. We broke up because he wasn't done "growing up" and I wanted to move in together after two years and start a joint savings for vacations and stuff like that. This is different. It's been forced from the beginning I fear. We started off as friends and my family adored him and kept pushing me to date him because he was obviously into me. It's lovely being treated so well and we make a great team, but I've felt like we've just been roommates for the longest time. Nothing more. Then no it doesn't sound like commitment phobia....it's him; he's not the right man for you .... you're just not feeling it.
Author msmeliss84 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Then no it doesn't sound like commitment phobia....it's him; he's not the right man for you .... you're just not feeling it. I think you're right. I just hate admitting to myself that I'm not in love with someone who treats me so well and loves me a lot. buh
GoBlue Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 You are aware of these things that "make you cringe" because you went against your better judgment and moved in with him in the first place. Do you have "commitment issues?" Well, it's clear you do with this guy. Do you think that you should cave to the pressure and go ahead and move in with him again? Is that what's best for your son? Is it what's best for this guy? This really doesn't need to be over psycho-analyzed. Do what's best for everyone involved - including yourself.
casey.lives Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 knowing that my SO is not attracted to me, is enough for me to understand that it won't work. I want someone who WANTS me and someone i admire and respect and look up to because he's so great. so .. i wouldn't mind breaking up over it.. i think it's valid
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