Author sanne Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 i would just like to say that this site has helped me so much in getting through all of this. the lessons learned here are invaluable, and now i know that in whatever future relationships I have I will be a much stronger partner.
Author sanne Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 UPDATE: So she has called me about 15 times in the past two hours and left a message begging me to call her back. Now I'm not a monster, and I didn't want her to do something stupid, so I called her back. She immediately broke down and told me how sorry she was and how she didn't know who she was these past few months. She said she couldn't eat or sleep at all. The wall that she often puts up was definitely gone, and i think i for once heard the truth out of her. I didnt give her any love or compassion, I told her to get help and to take care of herself. I'm very proud of myself at this point, even though my pride is damaged, I still have my dignity and a sense of satisfaction knowing that at the end of the day I'm still a good person.
greenhorn Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 You are handling the situation perfectly well Sanne. You have lost nothing, rather you should be proud of handling this situation so well. One who still has dignity and self-esteem has lost nothing. Take the pain as learning up pain,life always teaches us sometimes in a hard way. Good Luck
BrotherAaron Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 You are handling this great, man. You know that there is no "type of person who gets cheated on." I don't even necessarily think that there's a type of girl who cheats... sometimes we all find ourselves in situations we didn't think we ever would. Anyway, good job on not losing your head when talking to her. It's hard to hear the pleading voice of the one you love (or loved) and not get sucked into all of the feelings you had for them. There's nothing about this that you can't deal with. You're a levelheaded guy, and you know what you need to do. Keep your head clear, and remember that the hard times pass - so it's best to find something to occupy yourself with. There's no avoiding depression and anger in these situations, but you can deal with it however you choose.
Author sanne Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 i guess i'm glad she's feeling totally crappy about all of this, and I hope that she is reminded of what she's done for the rest of her life so she will never do it again. It's just hard when you always think about yourself as an upstanding guy with a good eye for bad apples. I think the reason I never found out is because she would take our trust arguments all the way to breaking up, so I could never get a confession or anything out of her because she wasn't afraid to take it to the limit each time (which is what you'd expect from someone who told the truth).
Author sanne Posted April 24, 2005 Author Posted April 24, 2005 Sometimes I find myself still wanting her, is this normal? A part of me still has a soft spot for her in spite of what she has done. Of course I will never act on it, and she will never know about it, but it bugs me that I still can't hate this person. And I know with time this anger and hatred will go away, I want to stay away from her and never speak to her again but it will be difficult.
greenhorn Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 What you are feeling is quite human so just hang on, you are not a psychopath to not feel anything for someone you loved... really love is the only thing which I can never understand good luck sanne....
Author sanne Posted April 24, 2005 Author Posted April 24, 2005 god i just woke up from a nap and I really miss the hell out of her right now. it's only been 3 days since i've found out. i hope this only gets better, if it gets worse i don't know what i'll do
pippen_2k Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 I know it sucks ass Sanne, but really theres nothing you can do! Im not sure if theres any 'great' coping technique dealing with loss as everyone is diferent. The best ways I dealt with the 'Initial' loss was either exercise ( as hard as it was to motivate myself to do this, I felt 100% better after ), or talking to my Padre ( Im in the Army and he is our "priest' kinda ). Talking to my Padre really put a different perspective on things, and I could tell him ANYTHING, and that really took a load off my mind and relieved the tension building up inside of me. Also when I was at home comming here helped alot too... so continue comming here when ur feeling down! Avoid sitting around doing nothing..thats the worst u can do. But besides that Sanne Im really not sure if there are great ways to deal with the pain. Time definatley does help but that can take quite some time. Im still going through crap which im sure ur well aware of, but the Initial pain I was experiencing from the loss is definatley alot less now. Instead of dwelling and hurting for days, it might only last a day now. I think over time you just get tired of hurting yourself, and you will soon come to realise and tell urself that this person will no longer hurt me anymore.... easier said than done tho... Im still a sucker for punishment. But it does get easier... you are at the lowest point in ur life like u said..I too was there a month or so ago.... and slowly but surely im feeling better Keep ur head up and feel free to post all the time!
Author sanne Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 feeling better now, have been talking to a few friends and venting. basically she lied to everyone but her roomates, telling them i was just a fling. oh well, they have a pretty low opinion of her, but now it's even lower that i've told them everything. most people just think the situation is too fuct up that they don't even care.
Author sanne Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 UPDATE: well tonight she just texted me telling me she's never felt this badly before in her life and she doesn't know what to do. I gotta admit my first instinct was to call her and console her, but then I thought rationally and logically. This is another one of her games to get me back around her little finger, and I ain't playing it. Now that I know the person she is I will not fall for her stupid little tricks any more. I've chosen not to respond to any of her messages unless she brings up hurting herself or killing herself, then it is my obligation as a human being to step in and intervene and get her some serious help. funny thing is that I'm not even mad anymore, i feel sorry for her to be honest, and i feel good knowing that at the end of the day i'm a good human being with good morals and values.
Author sanne Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 well she sent two more txt messages. in the last one she said she wishes she knew how I was doing and that she hopes i am happy. i know she is trying to entice me to make contact with her but i will not grant her that. after what she did she will get nothing from me anymore and i will be strong and stand by that.
greenhorn Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Hi Sanne, I admire man for your courage , honesty and strength.I know you are doing it right and she has to feel what wrong has she done to you . I know how difficult it would be for someone not to contact whom you loved. But I just wish to request you another angle, that lady seems to be in lot of pain, so can you please contact her and just make her feel better without any hint of coming back, can you just tell her that there is no going back in the relationship but for future she could do these thing so that she does better in her future life. But I know it will be fairly difficult, for once you would contact her she would start harbouring the hope of reconciliation, but I am just suggesting this as I know how much the pain of heart is. I don't wish anyone in this world to go through the pain of heartbreak so I just wish you sort of console her. I know she has done nothing good for you, but you are a good person so if you can just speak a few kind words to her. Please think about it, if you can. take care,
Author sanne Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 greenhorn i don't know if that is even a good idea. as far as i am concerned, i don't even know who my ex really is. she has been lying to me for basically our entire relationship, i'd say she lied to me at least daily throughout our entire relationship. i'm talking about major pathological lying, and i'm pretty sure she doesn't want to get back together either as she has never hinted at that. from her messages it appears that she feels very badly about what she has done, and quite frankly she deserves too. she's looking at me to give her some consoling or something to help ease her pain and validate her feelings, and well I'm not giving her any of that. she doesn't deserve it, if she wants to get through this she will have to do it on her own. the only way i'd intervene is if she threatens to hurt herself.
greenhorn Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Yeah it is ok Sanne, your points are pretty valid. So you should be ready to intervene as a human being if situations comes to that. I can feel you sanne, I know the pain of being cheated and betrayed. Good Luck, take care
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