sanne Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Well while walking to class today I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in a while. We got to chatting, and she mentioned "thats really ****ty what she did to you, playing you like that". Of course I have no idea what she's talking about, and I find that my ex was stringing along her ex this entire time we were going out. She was telling him that she wasn't in a relationship and that she just needed some space. On top of that, my ex has been going around telling people that I was a stalker and that I used to stalk her workplace and things of that nature. This is such a crushing blow to me I don't really know what to think anymore. I'm a nice guy, I don't intentionally want to hurt anyone. Even though me and my ex split on bad terms, I would never in a million years mention anything to anybody that was negative about her. In fact when people ask me why I just say it didn't work out. To hear that she said these horrific things about me to other people is just sad. I feel sorry for her ex too, he's a nice guy and he had no idea he was being strung along this whole time. She wanted to speak to me in person tonight to clarify things, every part of me wants to call her every name in the book right now. But I won't do it, i'm gonna be calm and not say a word. I know deep down I didn't deserve to be treated like this no matter how many mistakes I made. I'm glad we're not together, this girl is a mess, and I would never want to be with someone like that. BrotherAaron, wherever you are I know now kind of what you must have been feeling. I don't even know how to react at this point.
greenhorn Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Sanne, I can feel what you are going through Dude and I am so proud that you are handling this issue so well. Just keep your calm and dont speak to her, let her get away with what she thinks is good. You have done nothing wrong and so just relax.I know it must be hard on you to hear those things about you from your ex but some peoples are like that only. I would suggest dont speak to her or else she would give some lame excuses which will make you go mad. Keep calm.. Good Luck..
Author sanne Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 i know meeting her tonight will do me no good, but she needs help. lying on something of that magnitude is a serious problem. she should really seek professional help.
Moose Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 She wanted to speak to me in person tonight to clarify things, Tell her that's fine under one condition.....bring her ex with so he can hear what she did with him too at the same time.
Author sanne Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 haha, wouldn't that be sweet. it would never happen. poor guy though, he's got it worse than me, she's been stringing him along for 6 months now.
RecordProducer Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Some day somebody is going to teach her a lesson. You don't deserve to be treated that way - yes, such is life. We've all had bad experiences we didn't deserve. I would ignore her in the future if I were you.
d'Arthez Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Some day somebody is going to teach her a lesson. You don't deserve to be treated that way - yes, such is life. We've all had bad experiences we didn't deserve. I would ignore her in the future if I were you. No she is teaching herself a lesson. But she does not know yet. If she can string along two guys, she will either be shockingly naive when it happens to her, or totally paranoid if there is but a single sign that her future love interests do the same. If you can, invite the ex boyfriend over, as Moose suggested. You can listen to her explanations, and at the end of the ride, you could give her your thoughts on her, with but a few words. Yes, she probably should seek help, but until she is the victim of something herself, she won't see her idiotic behavior as a problem.
XNemesisX Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Ugh I know how you feel. My now ex strung along his ex also for the ENTIRE time we were together. I don't feel like typing it all out right now but I can send you a link from when this was going on with me if you would like to read it. He was even telling her that I was a psycho stalker! (we have some serious similarities in our situations). This crushed me and I'm sure you are devestated right now. Of course, this wasn't the only problem in my relationship but it sure was one of them! It really sucks when you think you know someone and you think you can trust them only to find out that it was all a lie and the person was nothing but a cold two faced b*tch. Makes you feel like you wasted so much time on a fraud. I was with my ex for 2 years and I still feel angry at myself for staying with him as long as I did. To think that he would tell me he loved me then go and sneak and call his ex and tell her about "the psycho stalker" NOT his girlfriend he was living with and engaged to - yeah imagine that! Some people never cease to amaze me. But karma has a funny way of working. I'm not really religious but YES I do believe in karma. Turns out, my ex didn't get accepted to ANY law schools. He's stuck moving back in with his mommy again. I told all of my friends that if there was any justice in this world he would not get accepted to law school after all the terrible things he did to me. I mean, I hate to go off on a tangent here but my ex is absolutely despicable. The biggest liar and two-faced cheating, abusing B*TCH I have ever seen. And what sucks is...I have to deal with the scars from this. I'm not even sure if I will ever be able to trust again or be fully happy in a relationship again. The pain and the hurt from the things he did to me and the awful way he treated me haunt me to this day (6 months after our breakup). It still feels like it was just yesterday. The outright deceit of him saying these awful, untrue things about me to his ex makes me literally sick to my stomach. Some people really have no sense of respect for others. They are purely selfish. My ex even admitted that he had a lying problem..how many red signs did I need? I have to be a little bit mad at myself too. Sanne, I am very sorry this happened to you and I can relate to what has happened. Ignore her and don't even plan on seeing her to talk about it. It will get her so bad if you just ignore her altogether and not even return a single call. Let her stew.
faux Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 I have been in situations similar to this. I can say that I am proud you have realized that she is not any good for you and seems to have problems. She will help to serve as an example; with future women, you might be able to recognize signs of possible problems. It is also good that she did not take her stories of stalking so harshly that she tried to get a restraining order on you. If you want to say anything to this girl, tell her that you think she is a bad person for what she did to you and her ex. Tell her how disappointed you are in her, and how you think she is absolutely no good for yo. Leave it at that, and hopefully you'll stay away from her and never talk to her again. Definitely a good job on realizing that the situation was bad, and for having gotten out of it!
BrotherAaron Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Well, man, I'd like you to know that it definitely gets better. Nothing, it seems, cures lovesickness like anger - it's hard to miss somebody who treats you like total ****. It hurts, too, and in a way that's different than just not being loved. The more you dissociate yourself from her, the better you'll feel. I hope, for your sake, that you don't have to see her and deal with her. Talking to her is likely going to throw a wrench in your gears, so be careful. You said you were going to talk to her... let me know how that goes, and best of luck man.
Author sanne Posted April 22, 2005 Author Posted April 22, 2005 this girl is a disaster, I can't even begin to explain how much she lied to me and manipulated me. I can't take it anymore, i'm just so disappointed in humanity that people can act this way.
Author sanne Posted April 22, 2005 Author Posted April 22, 2005 i messed up guys. I called her every name in the book, and left a horrible message on her voicemail. I just couldn't stop myself. I feel so bad now, I want to be better than she is but now i'm no better. I let my anger get the best of me.
d'Arthez Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Hey! You're human too, and you are free to let yourself go this time. She did not exactly behave like a saint, did she? She has done about everything she could to mess up your mind. It is only natural to lose your composure when you just found out about all the deceit, and have a heart to mend. Don't lose your faith in humanity because of this girl. Yes there are bad people out there, who are only self-absorbed and don't see how this idiotic behavior has an effect on the people around them. Don't be harsh on yourself because you called her names. If you are normally a bit of a reserved person, you know one thing for certain: that if you get mad, you get mad for a lot of reasons; and you are still the better person, as you did not exactly mess with her mind on the scale she did to you and her ex, did you? Try to forget her. As a gf she is not worth too much, even though there still exists a bond between the two of you. It is your task now, to destroy the psychological bond you still experience with regards to her.
Author sanne Posted April 22, 2005 Author Posted April 22, 2005 I'm just so shocked by how much she lied in our relationship. All those times she said she was busy, or that she couldn't go out, she was with him. All those times she told me that they were just friends, she lied. Everything about her is a lie. This woman has no soul, no merit, and no self-esteem. She's a pathetic excuse for a human being. I told her to go seek counseling and get professional help, and she did say that she already set up an appointment. I asked her to give me back everything that I ever gave to her, I'm going to donate it all to charity, she certainly doesn't deserve any of it. I feel better because now more people are finding out the truth, her roomates now know that she's been lying to them this whole time about us. I hope after all of this that she really has no friends and nobody to make her feel validated. She has got to hit rock bottom and truly come to a self-realization about herself.
Author sanne Posted April 22, 2005 Author Posted April 22, 2005 this whole time i've been believing that our relationship was something that it was not. i thought i had things so much better than most people here, it turns out i was wrong. my story and my situation is so bad right now. i feel so embarrased, i never imagined myself to be the type of guy a girl would cheat on. i just feel so low right now.
Author sanne Posted April 22, 2005 Author Posted April 22, 2005 My god, my ex has got to be one of the worst human beings i've ever met. She played both me and her ex before me at the same time over the course of 3 months. She had a "committed" relationship with me, while seeing him all the time as well. I mean what kind of a person can knowingly do that to another human being? How sick and twisted do you have to be? To make matters worse, she's basically been telling me how killing herself would make life so much easier for her. She's also telling me how she's never been this depressed before in her life. All she says is how much she hates herself and how she wishes she could switch schools and everything. You know what, **** her. She said she would come by tomorrow and drop off some stuff I gave her, but i'm not gonna answer her phone calls at all. **** her, let her rot in hell for all i care.
blind_otter Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 I feel you. I found out after I lost my baby that my ex was out partying and doing crack with a girl that he had been seeing since he found out that I was pregnant. It's taken a while but I have to come to terms with the fact that there are some supremely f*cked up individuals out there who may or may not know what they are doing. IN any case, do NC, I'm sorry you found out about this.
SadAndLonely Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Yeah, your ex doesn't sound like a catch, but let's try and refrain from making blanket statements about women, ok? Some of us get dumped on too. Not me right now, of course, because I've been so busy and so annoyed lately that my boyfriend is kissing my ass to avoid my wrath, but in the past I've gotten dumped on.
Author sanne Posted April 22, 2005 Author Posted April 22, 2005 i know, but know i feel so depressed and crappy about myself. I mean i never imagined i was the kind of guy that got cheated on, this is a huge blow to my self-esteem. But you know what, i'm a good guy, and there are women out there that will appreciate me. This girl just didn't know what she lost. And her life is completely shattered now, she's depressed and telling me she has thought about committing suicide. I can' win you know, i wanted her to feel bad, but I don't want her to kill herself or anything of that nature.
SadAndLonely Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 Keep in mind that other people behaving badly is not your fault. You can only control yourself and your own actions. It's not a reflection on you. The worst that could possibly be said about you is that you don't have great taste in women, and to be honest, if that's the worst thing about you, that's pretty good.
greenhorn Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 It is the worst feeling on earth to know that you have been cheated all along by none other than whom you love. But this is none of your fault. There are some people who don't give a **** to these things.For them this life is just an opportunity to make the most of it. You know what, they will even mock at you that you are making such an issue about being cheated and they will have all sorts of justification for this.Atleast this is what happened with me.But with time you will come to terms with it, just think that it was none of your fault. The feeling right now must be overwhelming, but try to divert your mind and take care in future.There are ppl in this world, who compel us to distrust everyone we meet. It must be hard for you, but you will feel better. good luck
Author sanne Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 i'm actually dealing with this all a lot better than I thought I would. No tears, no crying, just feeling a little blue but I guess that is understandable. I get some satisfaction knowing that she feels badly about what she has done, and that she is trying to seek help for her problems. The fact that she has thought about suicide makes me believe that she really does feel crappy. The way I see it, I saved her from a life of lying and manipulation. If it wasn't for me, nobody would have confronted her about all of this and she would have continued her self-destructive behavior. I feel bad for her ex-bf, that poor guy is so in love with her he will probably still take her back after all of this. I have too much pride and self-worth to even consider this person as a friend. As far as I'm concerned she doesn't exist, and I'm not going to waste any more mental energy on her. This has been a huge life lesson for me. In the future I know will know what type of women I should avoid completely.
greenhorn Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 It is really great to know that you are handling the situation in such a matured way and it is so nice of you to make her realise her pathological illness (IMHO). I also feel pity for her ex bf and I don't see any good future for her, but ppl learn themselves so one day he would get to learn. You would feel good with coming days and yeah you have learnt something in life so that makes it worth it. good luck
Marshbear Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 I also have a similar experience with my ex. After we broke up I found out she was telling friends that I was stalking her and wouldn't leave her alone. They wouldn't speak to me thinking I was some pervert or something. It has taken them awhile to realize that I am not like that and she was lying to them. We speak now but it will never be the same. Lies can change things for a life time...
Author sanne Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 Well she just called and left a message, says she really needs to talk to me one last time and sounds very distraught. I've made up my mind to never communicate with her again, and I don't want to give her anything at this point. She gets nothing from me, if she wants closure she will get none of it from me. I know i'm being selfish, but this is my way of paying her back for all that she did to me, I'm not answering the phone or calling her back. She can let her actions eat her up inside and I hope they do, I owe her nothing.
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