Bobbi7 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I would like to have some guy friends. I find it hard to make friends with guys, well for obvious reasons. Guys rarely talk to me unless they are interesting in dating me. I see other women have male friends, how do they do it?
PegNosePete Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Where are you trying to make guy friends? I have met plenty of opposite sex friends at an amateur dramatics group, in a hiking group, etc. If you have a shared interest it's easy to talk to people. If you're going up to some guy at a bar then of course he is going to think your intentions are different.
ASG Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I've made male friends in school, at work and at events. Mutual interest are where it's at. Can't say that I've ever tried to be friends with guys. It just happened. We start talking for some reason and realise we get on well and start hanging out! 1
Toodaloo Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I've made male friends in school, at work and at events. Mutual interest are where it's at. Can't say that I've ever tried to be friends with guys. It just happened. We start talking for some reason and realise we get on well and start hanging out! This is how it is for me! I actually wish I had a few more girlfriends!!!
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Never approach a guy. Be aloof, be mysterious, and when they approach you, enjoy their company, but resist their advances. If they become overtly flirtatious, there's nothing wrong with pointing out that this is a friendship, nothing more.... If they want to keep you as a friend, they'll stick around and continue on that level. If they slowly disappear, then what they wanted was more, and they have a right to seek a partner for that. You just weren't that gal, and that's ok... OR: cultivate male (gay) friends. I'm serious. They're just the best.... They're guys and can see everything from a male perspective, but can also give you the honest, frank and in-your-face run-down on your fashion tastes. They can be bitchy though. Just sayin'....!
salparadise Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I see other women have male friends, how do they do it? Easy. They flirt and use their sex appeal, and then they friendzone them. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Easy. They flirt and use their sex appeal, and then they friendzone them. Yeah... well..... that's one way.... See, women flirt. But men flirt too. Women flirt because they like the reassurance that they still have what it takes. Men flirt because they want... well... you know..... Women flirt because they enjoy the attention. Men flirt because they enjoy the chase. Bt women know when to call it quits. (Or at least they think they do, because a lot of the time they don't realise the effect they're having....) Men don't realise the woman is only flirting, because reading the signals is difficult, or they're obscure, or they're mixed.... I knew my platonic male friend wasn't after anything, and when he told me he had a date with a gorgeous girl, thus confirmed it... and asked my advice on how best to treat her well.. My platonic male friend knew I wasn't after anything, because flirt as I might, I never made any overtures, advances or 'upped the ante' with any type of 'take me I'm all yours!" signal. We just bantered. Sometime with innuendo, at times a little suggestively - but never beyond the acceptable boundary of leading the other on.
No Limit Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 So far only in school, perhaps at the workplace in the future. Places where I know I see them regularly so I'd like a relaxed environment. If you talk to a guy anywhere else and it goes further than smalltalk they'll often believe you want to date and stuff like that. Of course, there are plenty of people who have the same perception of the other sex in the workplace - and that's where boundaries come in.
Got it Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 As an adult, my male friends are friends from childhood/high school and my husband's friends. I have not sought out male friends and since outside work, actually most of the people around me are female, just haven't ended up friends with anyone new. I am very careful, out of respect for my marriage, of anything that would be troubling for my husband. So the person would need to be a friend to both of us , as are our friends now.
carhill Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 OP, what are your goals for having male friends? Why do you want to have male friends? IME, having had numerous platonic female friends, including when I was single and looking for a life partner, the 'how' which was successful generally revolved around shared interests and groups involved in those interests which were a mixture of single and married and of the different genders.
Author Bobbi7 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 I guess its common in high school/college to have friends of the opposite sex. I don't know as an adult I find it hard. A single woman can't be friends with married men, for obvious reasons unless she was friends with his wife. Or she can't be friends with a guy who has a girlfriend, right?
Diezel Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I guess its common in high school/college to have friends of the opposite sex. I don't know as an adult I find it hard. A single woman can't be friends with married men, for obvious reasons unless she was friends with his wife. Or she can't be friends with a guy who has a girlfriend, right? Right. Just make more girlfriends. Guys are only going to be your friends if they think they have a chance with you. 1
salparadise Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 cultivate male (gay) friends. I'm serious. They're just the best.... They're guys and can see everything from a male perspective, but can also give you the honest, frank and in-your-face run-down on your fashion tastes. They can be bitchy though. There ya go, yay. Go gay. What's a little bitchin' if they're willing to help dress ya. Not so sure I'd agree with the part about seeing everything from the male perspective. They're sort of like males... I've dated a few women who had gay friends. It was fine. I even went to the gay pride parade and street festival in a southern city. Interesting culture. They were real friendly.
Toodaloo Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I guess its common in high school/college to have friends of the opposite sex. I don't know as an adult I find it hard. A single woman can't be friends with married men, for obvious reasons unless she was friends with his wife. Or she can't be friends with a guy who has a girlfriend, right? I am friends with a guy... I am actually cultivating that friendship because I want his partner as a friend because she is a great person... Works both ways. Don't stress about it. Some people naturally get on better with the other sex and some dont. I can honestly say I have about oh 5 female friends. 3 of whom are closely related (Mother, sister in law, cousin). Lots of female acquaintances but actual friends... Males I loose count. I can call loads of men up and go out for a drink or get help with a flat tyre. Just be glad of the friends that you have regardless of their sex. I concur though. Gay men are an absolute blast and so much fun and really caring in general! They are not so good at changing tyres in general but you will have a blast trying with them about! Its almost as if they have given up caring what others think so they just are themselves. I love it. Great attitude to have.
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 There ya go, yay. Go gay. What's a little bitchin' if they're willing to help dress ya. Not so sure I'd agree with the part about seeing everything from the male perspective. They're sort of like males... They are males.... it's just that other traits are dominant... I've dated a few women who had gay friends. It was fine. I even went to the gay pride parade and street festival in a southern city. Interesting culture. They were real friendly. Yes, they're real friendly, but it's not like they're a different species! They're happy people, because they have an opportunity now to be culturally, socially and publicly acceptable, whereas once upon a time, they would have to conceal, and even suppress or deny their sexuality. I know three gay guys who have been married, AND they even had children. Because homosexuality was a foreign concept, and heterosexuality was the assumed norm. They were forced by circumstance and upbringing to conform to a socially-acceptable standard. They're all three divorced now.... Even Elton John married a woman, once. (That ended quickly though!)
ASG Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I guess its common in high school/college to have friends of the opposite sex. I don't know as an adult I find it hard. A single woman can't be friends with married men, for obvious reasons unless she was friends with his wife. Or she can't be friends with a guy who has a girlfriend, right? WTF?!? Most of my male friends are married. Or at least have very serious girlfriends... And even though I know their wives/gfs, I'm not really friends with them, and wasn't before I became friends with the guys.
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