hunk Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I've been talking to a girl on tinder for the past few days, we matched and she basically instantly messaged me. She's a fair bit younger than me, is good looking but not really my type. She's really easy to talk to though. We hit it off pretty well and exchanged numbers and snapchat info, and she's been snapchatting me relentlessly. She's SO keen - making constant sexual innuendo, almost every message is sexually suggestive, telling me she wants to jump me and how sexy I am, she sent me a semi naked snap last night (she was topless holding her cat over her boobs with the text "hello handsome do you like my pussy":eek::lmao: (i'm serious)) I couldn't handle anymore so I arranged a date for tomorrow night to which she eagerly accepted. My problem is I think she is interested in me as a dating prospect. I don't think she's ever had a boyfriend and I feel like she's getting really attached, like she thinks her behavior is the way to get a guy to like her or whatever, sending me love heart emojis and CONSTANTLY trying to spark up deep conversations etc. It's weirding me out. I have ZERO desire to date her, I want to sleep with her and maybe arrange some kind of FWB situation if all goes well and she isn't insane. How in the **** do I tell her this? I've never had to tell a girl this before - that I just want to sleep with them:lmao: Does anyone have any experience in this field? Do i tell her BEFORE anything happens or after? Jesus .. help me
SycamoreCircle Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 In reality, you do want more from a partner. You want someone who doesn't weird you out. You want someone who you can date. You want someone who is on your level. In reality, you have determined this young girl doesn't have those qualities. So, why get involved with her? It won't end well. You already don't respect her. Respect yourself and let her go. Sure, some creep may come along and take advantage of her, taking the opportunity that you could have had. Don't be that creep. You rejecting her may do her a favor. She'll sharpen up a bit and learn not to give the milk away for free. In the end, you'll feel better about your choice. 11
minime13 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 My problem is I think she is interested in me as a dating prospect. I don't think she's ever had a boyfriend and I feel like she's getting really attached, like she thinks her behavior is the way to get a guy to like her or whatever, sending me love heart emojis and CONSTANTLY trying to spark up deep conversations etc. It's weirding me out. I have ZERO desire to date her, I want to sleep with her and maybe arrange some kind of FWB situation if all goes well and she isn't insane. You don't. What you should do is break the date with her, because you want nothing but sex and you feel she wants to date. In reality, if you don't want to date a person, don't arrange a date with them. That sends the wrong signals and makes you look like a jerk. If you don't want to date her, then why are you planning a date? That's wrong, dude. You are still likely going to go on the date, and will get her into bed and never contact her again if you don't do the right thing. If you actually want to see if she's interested in just hooking up, tell her that's all you want - before you meet up. Otherwise, you're immediately leading her on. You can't turn one thing into another. Look at her perspective - if she were on here making the opposite statement (that she wants to date you, but feels you want to just get laid), what would you tell her to do? Try to make something out of nothing? Break the date, or at least tell her your intentions before you meet up.
madjac74 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 You guys are probably thinking the same things. Scary I know!
Toodaloo Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I think you need to break this date off. She is younger and probably thinks sex is about getting a guy to be your boyfriend, get married etc... The sex messages she sent were to get your attention... Don't go. Use your hand instead. Safer that way. 4
elaine567 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 . She's a fair bit younger than me, is good looking but not really my type. My problem is I think she is interested in me as a dating prospect. I don't think she's ever had a boyfriend and I feel like she's getting really attached, like she thinks her behavior is the way to get a guy to like her or whatever, sending me love heart emojis and CONSTANTLY trying to spark up deep conversations etc. I have ZERO desire to date her, I want to sleep with her and maybe arrange some kind of FWB situation if all goes well and she isn't insane. Jesus!!! She is a stupid young girl who probably thinks she is in love with you. First rule of FWB, "do not get attached" and she is proclaiming her love from the get-go... Why would she be a good FWB prospect for any decent human being? What are you going to do, take her virginity and then use her naivete and "love" to satisfy your d*ck... Ugh! 1
Author hunk Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 I never thought about the option of not actually meeting her, I can see how that might be an option. I've just got this mindset that tinder is made for hookups and everyone on there has the same mentality - it's just an app to use to hook up. I'm praying that she's got the same outlook and i'm just reading too much into things. Is it wrong for me to act as if I'm oblivious to what she (might - i'm still speculating here) want from us meeting and just assume that we're meeting because we both find eachother attractive and want to have fun?
minime13 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Is it wrong for me to act as if I'm oblivious to what she (might - i'm still speculating here) want from us meeting and just assume that we're meeting because we both find each other attractive and want to have fun? Yes, that is wrong, because you are inclined to think that is not the case. Tell her you just want a FWB, and hope she wants the same. If not, get back on tinder and use it for another hook-up. Why make this girl a conquest? 2
elaine567 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I've just got this mindset that tinder is made for hookups and everyone on there has the same mentality - it's just an app to use to hook up. I would doubt that very much. Some, will use it for hook ups. Why would you think a girl who has never had a bf and never presumably had sex, would just want a hook up with a stranger? ...and why would a hookup girl send you oodles of texts and try to engage you in deep conversations and want to go on a formal date? 1
Toodaloo Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I never thought about the option of not actually meeting her, I can see how that might be an option. I've just got this mindset that tinder is made for hookups and everyone on there has the same mentality - it's just an app to use to hook up. I'm praying that she's got the same outlook and i'm just reading too much into things. Is it wrong for me to act as if I'm oblivious to what she (might - i'm still speculating here) want from us meeting and just assume that we're meeting because we both find eachother attractive and want to have fun? Young girls have romantic views on sex... I know this as I was one once. Do not go there... This is leading to a situation that will only be best described as a "ball ache"... Just because the poonani is being flashed doesn't mean you have to stick your dick in it... 3
guest569 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) Do i tell her BEFORE anything happens or after? Jesus .. help me Do you really have to ask this?? Come on. Of course you have to tell her beforehand if you think she is attached already. You haven't even met yet and she is attached? You've been talking online for a few days. I doubt she is madly in love with you. If you do go and meet her, just be up front about your intentions. If she wants something more than sex, part ways. I would probably just tell her via Tinder. And just be clear about it "I don't want anything serious, I just want to have sex with you or FWB" just what you said here. Edited May 14, 2015 by smiley1 5
almond Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 "I'm looking forward to meeting you and you seem like an awesome <maybe insert another compliment here> girl! I want to be totally up front with you and tell you that I'm just looking for a bit of fun at this stage of my life...a friends with benefits situation basically. If this works for you, let's do it! If not, I'll be shattered, but I will totally understand xx" 3
joseb Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I've just got this mindset that tinder is made for hookups and everyone on there has the same mentality - it's just an app to use to hook up. Yeah that's what I believed as well. So it's now just another "dating" app? WTF? Where does one find FWB these days then?!
ByMyself01 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I've been talking to a girl on tinder for the past few days, we matched and she basically instantly messaged me. She's a fair bit younger than me, is good looking but not really my type. She's really easy to talk to though. We hit it off pretty well and exchanged numbers and snapchat info, and she's been snapchatting me relentlessly. She's SO keen - making constant sexual innuendo, almost every message is sexually suggestive, telling me she wants to jump me and how sexy I am, she sent me a semi naked snap last night (she was topless holding her cat over her boobs with the text "hello handsome do you like my pussy":eek::lmao: (i'm serious)) I couldn't handle anymore so I arranged a date for tomorrow night to which she eagerly accepted. My problem is I think she is interested in me as a dating prospect. I don't think she's ever had a boyfriend and I feel like she's getting really attached, like she thinks her behavior is the way to get a guy to like her or whatever, sending me love heart emojis and CONSTANTLY trying to spark up deep conversations etc. It's weirding me out. I have ZERO desire to date her, I want to sleep with her and maybe arrange some kind of FWB situation if all goes well and she isn't insane. How in the **** do I tell her this? I've never had to tell a girl this before - that I just want to sleep with them:lmao: Does anyone have any experience in this field? Do i tell her BEFORE anything happens or after? Jesus .. help me PLEASE don't do this to her. It was done to me and I don't wish that on my worst enemy. You wouldn't want someone to do this to your mother or your daughter. Have some class. 5
joseb Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I don't think she's ever had a boyfriend and I feel like she's getting really attached, If this is true, then don't pursue it. Has she said she has not had a boyfriend? How old is she?
O'Malley Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) My take is that you should pass this girl by, you're already getting a bad vibe about the situation. Do you really want to be the recipient of 1,000 texts and heart emojis after a ons? Find someone else who is savvier and direct about what she wants. I'd avoid using the terms "fwb", "right now", or "at this point in my life"; they can be misconstrued as being open to the potential of something long term. "I want to be sure that we're both on the same page about this only being casual. I'm not interested in dating or having a relationship. Do you agree?" You're seeking sex with a stranger, not a friend, you need to be upfront in your approach and about your expectations without coming across like a horny teenager. If she opts in, that doesn't mean that it's all about you getting your sexual needs met. Reciprocate. Edited May 14, 2015 by O'Malley 2
Toodaloo Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I'd avoid using the terms "fwb"' date=' "right now", or "at this point in my life"; they can be misconstrued as being open to the potential of something long term. [/quote'] You can see the emails and texts as well can you... "But we are such good friends and I love you sooo much and we have such great sex and when the condom slipped the other night I was so pleased because it may mean that I could have your babies... I know you love me because we started as friends and now we make love and I want you to marry me... Why aren't you answering we are friends aren't we????" 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 OP I say just go meet her. It's a first date, and there should be no obligations on either part. If you just want to screw her, and she wants to have sex with you, you aren't obligated to offer her a relationship. Go on the date and have fun IMHO if she wants a relationship and not just sex, she shouldn't be so sexual before meeting you. That's on her, not you OP.
jen1447 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Why not just tell her? Say you just want to FWB, not really interested in anything else. She's a big girl and she deserves to be treated like one. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) To be honest man, FWB usually never works. I'm not saying it can't be done at all. But most of the time, it doesn't end well. It doesn't matter how honest you are, or what terms you set. In the end, the majority of women will catch feelings and try to change your mind. Since you're already picking up on her wanting to find a boyfriend, she's not a good choice IMO. ** I've only had one FWB in my life that actually sticks to it. She's a hot cougar that's fed up with dating. She works and has a few close friends. But she spends a lot of time by herself. So when I'm in between sexual partners, I'll reach out and we'll have flings. We actually enjoy each other's company a lot. But in the end, her only goal is to show up looking hot and to be my f**k toy. That's it. But she is a RARE exception. Edited May 14, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
Vintage79 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I'm probably a bit different here, but if she's sending you sexual innuendos, just go for it and have fun. Unless she's asked you about your relationship interests, and you lied to her and told her you wanted a relationship, don't worry about making sure she knows, at least in the beginning. Her communication and your interests seem relatively aligned...why make a big deal out of it. 1
preraph Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Even girls who agree to FWB are 99 percent hoping it to turn into love and commitment. If you want no-strings sex and that's it, put that in your profile. "Sex only, not seeking any type of relationship." And it will cut your field back to mostly prostitutes and messed up women, but it won't matter because you're not going to talk to them anyway. Just meet and have sex and that's it. 1
elaine567 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Why not just tell her? Say you just want to FWB, not really interested in anything else. She's a big girl and she deserves to be treated like one. Well we don't actually know how "big" she really is. Young and never had a bf - 12-15 maybe???!!! Acting pretty childish really too. :love: :love: 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Well we don't actually know how "big" she really is. Young and never had a bf - 12-15 maybe???!!! Acting pretty childish really too. :love: :love: A girl that's really inexperienced would not send such a suggestive picture like she did. So I'm calling BS on her so-called "lack of experience". 1
Gary S Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I would do the mature thing, let her go, and find somebody you really like, rather than use a person and risk unplanned pregnancy, STD's, and broken hearts. This is why, if I had a daughter, I'd feel the need to own a shotgun. 2
Recommended Posts