Sarah_M Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for 5 weeks, but have been NC for 4 weeks (we were still living together until I could move). Today I broke NC because I couldn't handle it anymore and miss him terribly. I texted him inquiring about the deposit on the apartment we shared hoping to get a conversation going and surprisingly he answered, but that was it. No more, no less. In our relationship I made a lot of mistakes and have emotional problems from past childhood trauma that I haven't dealt with. I feel like I smothered him too much and he couldn't handle it anymore, so he broke up with me. It ended up being mutual in the end because I also realised that our relationship was unhealthy. I know that not enough time has passed for me to make the necessary changes in my life (which I am working on), but I want him back so bad. I love him so much and feel like our connection is irreplaceable. At the end of our relationship I knew that he still loved me and even tried asking me back, but I refused because I knew our problems wouldn't get fixed. On the last day we were together, he acted more detached and like a friend (the entire last week I was there we were still acting like a couple); I can't tell if that was his poker face or he was really getting over me. He deleted me on Facebook after a day and got rid of all our photos together. He also deleted my family. The hardest part about all of this is not knowing how he feels and the constant heartache. I really hope that he will come back, but I am feeling pretty hopeless
minime13 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 You've admitted to some issues that you will need to work on to make yourself a better person and more capable of being in a healthy relationship. That's a hard thing to face sometimes, but if you want to avoid this feeling in the future, it's a must. So, try to concentrate on yourself and keep busy by working on these issues that you see you have. As far as moving on, writing in a journal helps. It allows you to let your feelings out, and release them. It's impossible to just shut off that feeling of loss, and also unhealthy. So come to terms with those feelings. It will be difficult, but work through that. It's a weird balance that you have to find, but just don't spend all your time trying to forget it all, and don't spend all your time reminiscing on the relationship. Take a little time for working through the grief, and spend the rest of your time working on yourself. Hang out with friends, too, and reach out to people to help you take your mind off it. And no more contact, because it will just reset the process and cause you to relive the pain of the lost relationship. This is what he is doing; he is trying to move on. You should do the same. 1
ostheer Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Life goes on. Why are still waiting around for some one already chose to move on. Everyday is a new day and you will never able to find happiness if you don't move on yourself. An end is an new beginning, focus on self improvement and keep yourself busy. It will be hard but that is the best thing to do right now. You will never get him back if you wait around. The best revenge is your happiness. Don't think about him, maybe go talk to a friend. Remember there is somebody for everybody, you will find some one that will love you better trust me. 1
Author Sarah_M Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Journaling is what got me through 4 weeks of NC. I'm seeing a therapist weekly, so that has also been good. It's really hard to hear someone tell you that the person you are still in love with is trying to move on without you. Not that I want him to be miserable, but I just want him to miss me as I do him. Even harder is realizing that you're right. That's the beauty of these forums- the people giving advice see things you don't and aren't clouded by emotions. As my mother keeps telling me: if you love something, let it go and if it's really yours, it will come back. Thank you for your advice- it really means a lot.
Author Sarah_M Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Ostheer, you are totally right. Thank you for that- you have lifted my spirits
ostheer Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Trust me we all been there. I know it hurts like hell as it did for me. You can't start the next chapter in your life if you keeps looking back. Love is like sand the hard you grasp the faster it slips through your fingers, as you said you have to let go. It is just not meant to be. 1
ostheer Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Ostheer, you are totally right. Thank you for that- you have lifted my spirits remember you are not alone. It is part of life as most people have to go though this. You are probably spending hours, days, weeks or even months over analyzing the situation like I was. But in the end of the day what could of or would of happened will never happen. The only thing you can do is move on and make your self happy. He will be crawling back to you in no time, then the power is in you hand to decide what to do with it. Trust me you probably wouldn't even want to take him back when the time comes. You will find some one better and you deserve some one better. Good luck there will be a long journey ahead. Stay strong keep your head up and the tears will not fall. 1
Author Sarah_M Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 You're really good at making me feel better- thank you for your kind words
aloneinaz Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 As my mother keeps telling me: if you love something, let it go and if it's really yours, it will come back. Be careful what you wish for. My ex who dumped me came back 6 months after we broke up. I was with my current girlfriend. While it felt good that she came back after me for another chance (which I declined), I was past caring about her. The time away from her cleared my head and made me realize she had way too many issues and would never change. Where there still things I missed about her, sure but again, it would have never worked long term. Once a relationship ends, they should stay that way.
Author Sarah_M Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Be careful what you wish for. My ex who dumped me came back 6 months after we broke up. I was with my current girlfriend. While it felt good that she came back after me for another chance (which I declined), I was past caring about her. The time away from her cleared my head and made me realize she had way too many issues and would never change. Where there still things I missed about her, sure but again, it would have never worked long term. Once a relationship ends, they should stay that way. Haha yeah, I can see that potentially happening. I'm happy things worked out for you, though. Thank you for your input
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