Ever since the break up I have a hard time trusting anybody... (Updated)

[LooperDooper]

Hey all, just wanted to hear some people out there and see what they have to say. I've moved on fairly well from my ex, even though I have to see her everyday at school and my friends are somewhat friends with her.

 

I'm having a very hard time trusting people lately. Like I would never get into a relationship at the moment because I feel I've become very insecure and would get jealous very easily in things I normally wouldn't before. But lately I don't even trust my friends. I don't know why, like they've been very good to me and have helped me a lot, but sometimes I wonder if they'd be able to do something like go for my ex, or go for the girl I'm currently just seeing, and stuff like that.

 

It goes beyond my friends, I don't even trust the girl I'm seeing. I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship and she still wants to be around (without any promises) but yet I don't trust her. I don't know, I just feel like I can't trust absolutely anybody or I doubt the world. Any help? Is this just a phase or should I be more concerned?

 

Thanks.

[Satu]

If this persists, seek therapy.

 

You can't have a happy life without trusting at least one person.

[LooperDooper]

It's just been lately. Maybe I am just at that jealous from afar stage at seeing my ex talk to my friends. Hopefully it won't last. Or else I'll have to do something about it.

 

Just wanted some thoughts and maybe see if people have had the same thing happen to them.

[LooperDooper]

No, she hasn't done anything. I mean I'm just getting to know her now little by little but no, she hasn't done anything, but then again I haven't gotten too much into her business or life to know what she does exactly.

 

Even so, I think it's just me for the moment dealing with a lot of negativity and hurtfulness from my last relationship. Let's just say my ex was not the most honest and her friend literally turned her back on me and started talking crap and doing things just to spite and hurt me. I hope it's just a phase as part of my recovery, because I don't want to have to doubt everybody in my life for the smallest things.

[Satu]

 

Even so, I think it's just me for the moment dealing with a lot of negativity and hurtfulness from my last relationship. Let's just say my ex was not the most honest and her friend literally turned her back on me and started talking crap and doing things just to spite and hurt me. I hope it's just a phase as part of my recovery, because I don't want to have to doubt everybody in my life for the smallest things.

 

Don't let the past turn your present sour.

 

Focus on the now.

[Hopeful714]

I'd say this is kinda normal and will pass.

 

After the betrayal I experienced I became like you are now. I began to wonder about everyone I knew and what they were capable of doing that I may not quickly see. I became enthralled with reading about psychology and evil. It was a dark period in my life. But then I got tired of living that way.

 

So now, I look for the good in people. And, with all the things I have learned, and read on here I am better able to detect whom I can trust and who I can't. Then I run like hel# when I have to!

[preraph]

Once you get cheated on or hurt real bad being dumped or whatever, you are just no longer able to look at relationships with the innocence you could when you were young and things went your way. The trick is not to let it cripple you but just take away from it some wisdom so you can see the red flags before it all blows up on you. It's never easy. It's hard to tell if you can trust a lot of people.

 

Remember two things. You can't let it sap your self-esteem because whens someone lies or cheats on you, that's primarily their issue, not yours. And you can't beat yourself up when neither person is really wrong but the union just isn't a lasting one either. Because it's hard to find the right match, and some people never do. If there is something you can learn about yourself that harmed the relationship, then try to deal with that honestly with yourself. Like if someone says you're too clingy, that's work you need to do on yourself. Again, it's not easy. But you have to at least try to change.

 

The other thing to remember is clinginess and jealousy and monitoring behavior is a desperate reaction to your own fear of losing the person. But it will drive a healthy person away faster than anything else short of violence. You must remember that someone who stays with you solely because you're blocking the door metaphorically or physically isn't staying because they want to, so you've accomplished nothing by making it hard to leave. The only way to be secure that someone really loves and values you is to always leave the door open and even let them go -- and if they come back on their own steam, then you have something.