Plaster Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 So after reading this forum and getting some good advice, I thought it was time I posted my situation up. Mainly to get it off my chest and I feel I will benefit from it. So 3 weeks ago, the love of my life, the best thing to happen to me, left me. After nearly 2 years she said it just got to hard and she was just not happy any more. Now this woman loved me more than anything, I'm not sure I will ever be loved again like she loved me. I in the other hand, treated her like a commodity, I took her for granted and genuinely didn't realise what I had until about 2 weeks ago. I pushed her away. I put her down. I ignored her and I basically caused the end of our relationship over the last 3 months ( that's when it started getting too much for her and she started to distance herself) . I didn't even realise it until it was too late. If I hadn't been stubborn and had answerd my phone the first few days after the split, we would be back together. She was begging for me to take her back. And I was a stubborn fool for not. So anyway a week past. After one of her friends telling tales about me sleeping with one of our mutual friends see ended up in bed with someone. And continued to see him occasionally until yesterday. She said he made her feel wanted and special and beautiful, something I had failed to do in the last few months. I was heart broken. She said she didn't regret it as it made her happy at the time and at this point in time she is doing what makes her feel happy. When I found out this the pain got even worse. Sickness, no appetite, no motivation, no happiness, nothing. I have never felt like that before. It was as if I had no soul. I was empty. We saw each other after this. On a few occasions. We kissed, we cuddled, we had sex and the spark and passion was still there but she couldn't bring herself to get back with me. It was like she had 2 personalities. The first was the loving woman that wanted me, but she would change to a cold person towards me in a split second. One minute she wanted to get back with me, the next she said it wasn't what she wanted. She wouldn't believe me that I would change. (due to me saying I'd change in the past and going back to how I was) So I started no contact. But then shed message me or call me and we'd go back to square one. I am back with no contact as of this evening . New decided we are going to meet in 6 weeks and see how we both feel. I love her with all my heart, but she has hurt me and messed my head up a treat these past few weeks. She still loves and cares for me too and that's what makes it worse. I just miss her so much. I'm at a point now where I have to try and move on. For my own sanity. I hope we can be together again though. This whole ordeal has really shown me how much I do love her. I have given up smoking, stopped drinking every day, started running and going to the gym though, so that's a positive. It's done me wonders. So yeah, that's the gist of it. I've just got to be strong I guess. Hurts like mad though. I can hardly look at myself in the mirror with being ashamed of causing this. I lost the most beautiful precious, gorgeous young woman due to my selfishness and ignorance. Maybe we will get back together. Maybe not. I suppose time will tell. I'm keeping to NC though. I have to. Any ideas how to make this easier?
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