ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I am interested in hearing some stories of how your first unexpected run in with an ex went down and how you handled it? Personally, I am terrified at the thought, but I live in a really small town so it's bound to happen soon. Anyone?
CarrieT Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I was walking in front of him on the street. I didn't see him but he called out my name. I turned around and saw him walking fast to approach me. I turned away from him and kept walking. He tried to call out again, but I ignored him. He also phoned a month later, but I ignored that phone call as well. 3
Annie767 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I attended a wedding and my ex was there with his new girlfriend ( another ex Who he left me for shortly after our 4 year anniversary) I ignored him and held my head high. I also made them feel very uncomfortable by making myself look particularly beautiful. I'd been doing Muay Thai boxing and you could sharpen a knife on my thighs. I wore a lovely black cocktail dress. It was extremely difficult but I'm proud of myself. His relationship with her ended like a train wreck for all of social networking sites to see. By the time I was told of this (I blocked him) I didn't care really either way but I did have a giggle Another ex however I looked like I'd been dragged through a bush backwards after a heavy night out. Now I just laugh about it, I may have looked rough but at least gave the impression I was having fun ! 1
Annie767 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Ps Just concentrate on looking after yourself, it will show
aloneinaz Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 My ex lives 5 minutes from me. I would see her driving occasionally but never in person. Then, my new GF and I were at a big store in the neighborhood. A little girl came up to me w/my back turned and pulled on my shirt. I turned around and was shocked to see my ex's 10 YO daughter! I was close to her when the ex and I dated. I gave her a big hug as she gave me one back. I almost teared up. We chatted for a couple of minutes and then she went back towards her Mom, the ex GF who I saw quickly turn down a different isle to avoid me and my GF. My GF got choked up when she asked who the little girl was. She said it broke her heart as the little girl clearly loved and missed me as I missed her. Its sad for the kids as they have men/women they become close to when their parents date, disappear from their lives when the relationship ends.. Sucks.. 4
BC1980 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I had been NC for a year when I had to deal with my ex at work one day. He had been back at work for 4 months, and I knew we would meet up sooner or later. I was sitting in the computer room, talking to another co-worker, when I heard someone else come in. It was the ex. He saw me, said hello, and sat down at another computer. Unfortunately, we had to discuss some work related stuff as well. All day long, I new that was coming, but I was hoping my shift would end before he appeared. We had to talk for about 5 minutes, but that was it. I hightailed it out of there because my shift was ending in 15 minutes. But I do remember walking to my car and feeling like I had done well. I was proud of myself, and I felt okay about it. I've seen him several times since then, mainly passing in the hall. He's tried to say HI to me, but I've always ignored him. It always happens at random times. I was walking downstairs to the cafeteria, and guess who's coming up the stairs? I was typing at a computer the other day, and he came flying past to use the phone at the desk. I don't make eye contact at all, and it's okay. I used to get a little shaken up at first, but it doesn't bother me at all now. So you can get to that point. I'm not sure I will ever be indifferent to him because he symbolizes a lot of trauma that I went through, but I can hold my head high and keep on walking. So I consider that an accomplishment. 1
Author ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Good stories My biggest fears are that a.) I will look like crap when I see him and b.) that he'll be with someone else and that's how I'll find out that he moved on. But it seems as if you all have handled it pretty well. Not sure if I could.
BC1980 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Good stories My biggest fears are that a.) I will look like crap when I see him and b.) that he'll be with someone else and that's how I'll find out that he moved on. But it seems as if you all have handled it pretty well. Not sure if I could. I was able to handle it fairly well, but I had also been NC for a year. The guy could have been dead, and I wouldn't have known. Yes, seeing to and speaking with him rattled me, but, overall, it was just in the moment. I didn't really care about it too much after the fact. But it does bring up some emotions that you have to process. It's just an unfortunate thing because the person can't cease to exist. Really and truly, NC helped me become as emotionally detached as possible. That detachment comes at different speeds for everyone, and you may never be fully detached. I don't know if there will ever come a time when I can say that my ex has absolutely no ability to affect me in any way. I have 3 exes before him, but I've never seen any of them since the day we broke up. I don't know how it would feel to see any of them, but none of them live anywhere near me. I really feel that NC is so important because it removes you from emotional triggers. That old saying, "out of sight, out of mind" is true. You just kind of forget about people when they cease to be a part of your daily life. It doesn't matter if you look bad when you see him, or if he is with someone else. Chances are, he doesn't care either way. 1
Author ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 I was able to handle it fairly well, but I had also been NC for a year. The guy could have been dead, and I wouldn't have known. Yes, seeing to and speaking with him rattled me, but, overall, it was just in the moment. I didn't really care about it too much after the fact. But it does bring up some emotions that you have to process. It's just an unfortunate thing because the person can't cease to exist. Really and truly, NC helped me become as emotionally detached as possible. That detachment comes at different speeds for everyone, and you may never be fully detached. I don't know if there will ever come a time when I can say that my ex has absolutely no ability to affect me in any way. I have 3 exes before him, but I've never seen any of them since the day we broke up. I don't know how it would feel to see any of them, but none of them live anywhere near me. I really feel that NC is so important because it removes you from emotional triggers. That old saying, "out of sight, out of mind" is true. You just kind of forget about people when they cease to be a part of your daily life. It doesn't matter if you look bad when you see him, or if he is with someone else. Chances are, he doesn't care either way. See, the good thing about my ex is he's military, and will be leaving in about a year to go to his next duty station. I would be happy if I never saw him again, just because I'm not sure my heart could take it. I was an emotional wreck even when a FWB I had feelings for cut off contact and I ran into him. I can't even imagine how much of a wreck I would be seeing the man I thought I was going to marry again.
BC1980 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 See, the good thing about my ex is he's military, and will be leaving in about a year to go to his next duty station. I would be happy if I never saw him again, just because I'm not sure my heart could take it. I was an emotional wreck even when a FWB I had feelings for cut off contact and I ran into him. I can't even imagine how much of a wreck I would be seeing the man I thought I was going to marry again. You know, I felt the same way. I wondered how I could get through seeing him again. I considered quitting my job before he came back to the place where we met. That was how much anxiety I had when I found out he would be coming back to work. But NC and self-work helps so much. I'm not saying it's easy because it's now. It takes a heck of a lot of mental fortitude to work with an ex (even when I rarely see him). But you are stronger than you think when put to the test. There might come a day when you aren't as emotionally affected as you once were.
na49 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I go to the same school as my ex, so I've ran into her a lot. During our first breakup (I'm on my second breakup with her now lol) she was still in one of my classes, and sat behind me. I never said anything to her, and when I needed to pass back papers or whatever, I wouldn't look at her. (call me immature if you want, but she cheated on me). When I see her in the hallway now, I look right through her/pretend not to see her. I haven't said "hi" to her or anything even though some people have suggested that I should because it will make me seem like I'm over her. Seeing her still brings back all of these different feelings though, which sucks. Your first encounter with your ex will not be easy, but you'll survive.
joseb Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Good stories My biggest fears are that a.) I will look like crap when I see him and b.) that he'll be with someone else and that's how I'll find out that he moved on. But it seems as if you all have handled it pretty well. Not sure if I could. Why would you care if you looked like crap? And I can kinda understand the someone else thing, but if its an ex its an ex - expect this. Anyway, for me I was walking down the street with a friend very close to my house and she was in front talking with a few people. I thought about turning around and going the other way, but I just kept going and looked straight ahead. I don't think she saw me. It did feel weird, but I was less concerned about bumping into her afterwards.
Navajo46 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) Yeah, I saw my ex for the first time on Friday at a mutual friends house with her new man. It was three months from the breakup and we had limited contact. Saw the new dude, doesn't seem like a bad dude, just kinda nerdy and doesn't say much. I got there and saw them and they were all sitting on the lawn in front of the house. One of the guys came up and gave me a big hug and we sat there and talked for a while off to the side. I walked into the house without saying anything to the ex. She came in the kitchen where I was and I did a double take cause I didn't know it was her. Then I looked at her and got a feeble "hey". And I said "hey" back... lol. They left to get a bottle of liquor and she asked me if it was ok if she left the dog with me and I said sure. That was the extent of the conversation all night. The rest of the night was all of us sitting on the lawn and me making everyone laugh and having a good time like I always do. Her and him don't really talk much and ended up getting in a fight every time they go over there apparently because one of them wants to go and one wants to stay all the time. No different that night, she stormed out didn't say a word to anyone and they jumped in the car and they pealed out... hahahaha. Was weird seeing her and it is affecting me a little bit right now, but not as much as I would have thought. It's over, finite... and nothing has changed so what's the big deal. It's funny, I looked at her and realized that I wasn't really that attracted to her either... but at the same time still miss her a little... but don't want her back??? It just sucked that we couldn't have a simple conversation, but what can you do? This whole experience pretty much cemented the fact in my head that she absolutely does not care about me and will probably help me to start the true process of healing. Edited May 14, 2015 by Navajo46
aloneinaz Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I think the key to being able to handle running into an ex is being indifferent. As mentioned already, once your relationship ends, you HAVE TO GO NC. It really does help you learn to not care anymore about the ex and move on. After a few months, you won't care if you run into an ex or not. Time heals all wounds.
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