Meeshell Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. He moved out in January. If anyone has seen my previous posts, then you could get a understanding of what my relationship with him was like. We broke up the exact same time this year. He moved out, and didn't talk to me, etc; I tried NC, which I caved. We worked things out and everything was great. We got into an argument in January and he ended up coming home saying he was moving out. "Think of it as separation" he says. For about 2 weeks, he wouldn't see me, talk to me. We started working things out, things got better. He came around more, we went out on dates. Everything was good. Except he would make excuses that he couldn't come see me. Was always fishing. It was like this. Fishing > Friends > Work > Me. I was always last, whereas, I put my men first. Mistake? Maybe. 2 weeks ago, he came over on a Sunday. Said we were supposed to go fishing if the weather wasn't bad. It was. Evidently, he went without me. Didn't call or text. Got stuck in the water on the boat and had to be towed back that morning. Came over, apologized. Took me out to breakfast, then slept from 1pm until 6AM the next morning. Left for work. Came over Monday evening, wanted to take me out to dinner. We talked about a babysitter and the person who was supposed to babysit my son was outside at a friends. To which he told me. And I replied with, "Yeah, her car got stolen last night." And he freaked out and said.. "Well, I left my keys in my boss's truck and I can't lock my car. So I don't want to leave it here over night, I have too much stuff in my car that can get stolen." (He screwed up his car to where he starts it with a screwdriver now.) I walked away because I was upset. I was upset because he always gives me excuses. Excuses for everything. He then got mad at me. Said he was tired of my "****" and that I'm always negative. I'm a really happy person. Honest to God. So he started collecting his clothes that he was leaving at my house over the course of a month. I said "If you're going to leave, you mine as well get the rest of your ****." He did. He took that as me breaking up with him. The very next morning, he calls me and says.. "Just so you know, I went to the Casino and while I was eating dinner, my stuff got stolen out of my car." Like it was my fault? As if I forced him to go? I gave him a couple days to calm down. He messaged me about money he owes me and said he would be bringing it by. I told him I wouldn't be home, as I'm going out with my friend and her fiance. He just replied with "Have fun. I"ll be at the river fishing." Per usual. I asked him if I was single, because I felt like I was being treated as if I'm single. He says, "Yep. Have fun." He's been talking to another girl for a while. His best friends sister. So, being upset and full of uncontrolled emotions AND attempting to use reverse pyschology on him to get him to admit his truth about her.. I replied.. (Which I should NOT have) with, "Oh good. Then it's not considered cheating then." He basically flipped out. Said, "Wow. He won't be around long. Just shows what kind of person you are. Can't wait until (I won't say her name) comes out." And I said, "That's exactly the answer I was looking for." We argued. He was done. We get into a very, very bad heated argument via text messages last Wednesday. Which I am completely beating myself up over. I have a problem with controlling my emotions. I told him how much of a mistake he was. How I hated him. He's this, he's that. Going way below the belt. He told me I was boring. He hated me. He can't wait until I move. All kinds of hurtful things. I shut myself in my house for a few days. Spent Mother's Day alone. I tried to apologize, but he wouldn't respond. So, I simply stopped texting him. Since.. Thursday. When I apologized. He has a garage unit on my lease that's full of his things. He has continuously ignored me about removing his things. I have been paying for it for the past 4 months. He verbally told me he would be paying, which he hasn't. According to the manager, I cannot remove the unit off of my lease unless the garage is empty, yet he won't come get his belongings, and the sheriff I spoke to said that legally I can remove his things, but if he claims I stole/threw away something, etc; I could be held liable. He has told me twice he would be picking up his stuff and has failed to do so. Told me Thursday and Friday he would be bringing me money to reimburse me for the money owed over the past 4-5 months for the garage. Hasn't. And completely ignores me when I ask him about either of those two things. Which is the only thing I ask him about. Not about him, our past. Nothing. If I have management remove his belongings, then I have to pay 150$ to them to empty it out. Which means I'll just be paying out more money for him. I'm really lost. I'm heartbroken. This man does not communicate. He runs when there's conflict. Treats me as a doormat and comes and goes as he pleases. He convinced me I needed therapy for all the "negative" issues I had, which in reality, he was the one who was causing the negative emotions. I spent 8 months in therapy with my therapist trying to convince ME that there wasn't anything wrong with me after seeing her for a few months. I even went as far as getting myself sterilized because he gave me excuses about not wanting the chance of having a baby, couldn't use condoms, etc; My life has been dramatically changed and I've tried everything. He wanted to go to couples counseling. I made 4 different appointments to which he failed to show up to. The last one costing me money. I'm trying to keep myself busy. But I'm literally depressed and at a loss for words that someone would do this to a person they claimed they "loved." I don't get it. Edited May 13, 2015 by Meeshell 1
brokengirl85 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Wow that's a lot of details and I couldn't follow up tour thread. Could you please sintesize a little? Why is he ignoring you? Looks like he's not that into you but also scared of let you go, I'm saying this based in all the previous breakups you both had. M Do you think a relationship with this person will make you happy? Looks like you're always pushing and he's always pulling out. Think about this please 1
Author Meeshell Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Wow that's a lot of details and I couldn't follow up tour thread. Could you please sintesize a little? Why is he ignoring you? Looks like he's not that into you but also scared of let you go, I'm saying this based in all the previous breakups you both had. M Do you think a relationship with this person will make you happy? Looks like you're always pushing and he's always pulling out. Think about this please That's a good question. I don't know why he's ignoring me. He's never done this before. He typically writes me a message or two telling me how sorry he is, how much I'm worth fighting for, how he can't see his life without me.Our relationship was 'amazing' for the first 6 months. Then, he met his guy friend.. and that guy became his main source of freedom. As above TL;DR - We exchanged hurtful words to each other which hurt us both. I'm depressed and alone. He runs from problems and does not communicate whatsoever. I've changed everything I could possibly change within myself mentally and physically, but it's not good enough. Yet he continues the same bad behavior patterns and hurts me. 1
CarrieT Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Be glad he's ignoring you. You should block him on every level and move on from this toxic relationship. 3
brokengirl85 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Are you expecting to continue this cycle of toxicity? Maybe he realized he no longer wants to, which is very healthy. You should do the same, for your own health. Let him be. You'll be happier without him. 1
aloneinaz Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Be glad he's ignoring you. You should block him on every level and move on from this toxic relationship. THIS^^^ I had a relationship that included breaking up multiple times over 1.4 years. Trust me, it never gets better. You reconnect, things are great for a few days/weeks then all the same *rap presents itself over and over.. Learn from it and find someone you can get along with that doesn't include break ups.. 2
Satu Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 If two people can't get along peaceably, there's no point being together. In fact, being together then, is destructive. Peace is an essential. Without it there is only stress, trauma, and unhappiness. Finish your business as soon as possible, and cut all ties forever. 1
Author Meeshell Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 This is actually the very first time we've ever and I mean.. ever, been cruel to each other. I have always tried to mend things. I gave and I gave and I gave so many times, that I was almost left with nothing. It's not that I nagged and complained our entire relationship. In fact, I went out of my way and did everything for him. He had clean clothes for work, he had dinner ready when he came home, he had coffee made in the morning. I spent 2 weeks fixing his child support, all the while he took his fishing friends out of town to the courthouse and celebrated with sea fishing, while completely ignoring my calls and texts to see how everything was doing. Of course, I'm not angel. Yes I've said clearly rude and uncalled for things. A lot that's unforgivable. But I've given so much and have bent back so far to make this work, that I'm literally broken. He's 38 years old. I'm paying for his stuff. I'm picking up all of the mess that he left behind. I give what I want to receive. I'm giving too much. I've tired to stay busy. I have literally tried. I saw him today, he didn't see me, and it sent me into a panic attack while driving. I just cried. I have given him so many opportunities to better our relationship and fix some things that he acknowledges that's not great on his side. He wasn't LIKE this the first 6 months we were together. That's why I'm so baffled that after almost 2 years, I can be thrown away like some piece of garbage while he refuses to grow up. I have sat up late at night for months writing in numerous notebooks, figuring out how to better myself in which the issues he sees in me. Instead of supporting me, he freaks out about it, runs away and ignores the issue. Sweeping it under the rug and hoping it will just go away on it's own. How does someone live their life like that? I don't understand. 1
Satu Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 To be blunt: You don't need to understand him. You need to understand yourself, for yourself. Self knowledge trumps just about everything. Good luck with that. 1
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