Mjm1014 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I met a girl on Tinder about two weeks ago, and in the beginning she couldn't get enough of me..basically she texted/called me 24/7, always was finding excuses to hang out, and now things have just got mediocre with her. Everyday I hear from her less, she asks less about me and my day, says less cute things, and she uses excuses why she can't hang out (has to shop because there's a sale, it's too late on a work night-even though she didn't seem to care last week)..last week we planned a date for this coming Friday and planned to spend the entire day in the city together. Last night she told me she's still really excited to go, and spend time with me, but I'm not feeling the spark from her anymore and frankly I feel like she doesn't seem that interested in hanging out now in the first place since she's been so flakey this week, and I guess I'm confused if I should even go on this date at this point. It's going to be an expensive day, and I don't want to hang with her if she's not even that into me... Lastly, maybe I'm just thinking into it too much, but she keeps posting links on her Facebook "red flags to watch out for so you don't end up with a guy like your ex"...clearly making a statement to him I presume. Maybe I'm dealing with a girl not over her ex?? Help!
fitnessfan365 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) 1) You've only known her two weeks. So realistically, how invested can you actually expect her to be after such a short time period? 2) You're too focused on phone interaction. In the end, it doesn't matter what she texts you, or how often you two talk. What matters is how she is in person. Remember, you're not dating your phone. So if you have plans, why not see how she is when you spend time with her? If she's a bit cold and distant in person, then drop her. But if the date itself goes well, then just start focusing more on planning dates. In general I think this is a great example of how too much phone interaction can do more harm than good in the beginning. People get wrapped up in all this texting and calling developing a false sense of closeness with someone who's basically still a stranger. The phone should primarily be used for setting dates with a bit of communication from time to time. Then as you spend more and more time together, the communication between dates goes up. But this is a girl you've known for two weeks. So you shouldn't have been acting like a boyfriend being on the phone with her all the time in the very beginning. Edited May 13, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
smackie9 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I bet money on it she's not over her ex and she is just using you for attention to boost her ego. Stop texting her and keep your options open. she's got something going on you don't need to be involved with. Yes there are red flags everywhere indeed lol 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Also, why do you keep peeping her Facebook? Remember, this is a girl that you barely know. She is entitled to privacy and had a life before she met you. This includes exes. So my advice would be to limit phone interaction, and just take it date by date. If the dates go well, she will start to get more invested in you and want to leave her ex behind. But you can't expect a woman you've known for two weeks to set aside her past for you. Just doesn't work that way. Your attitude right now should be that you could care less what she does when she's not with you.
Methodical Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 She is clearly not over her ex, otherwise, she wouldn't be making comments referring to him. When a person is into someone or wants to see where things might lead, they don't make excuses like having to go shopping bc of a sale. Also, it sounds like the two of you got thick too quick via phone/text and now that the novelty has faded, the appeal has too. If you are looking to go out and have a good time, then go...provided she doesn't find another sale, but if you are thinking this could lead to a relationship you are sadly mistaken.
Gary S Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 1) You've only known her two weeks. So realistically, how invested can you actually expect her to be after such a short time period? 2) You're too focused on phone interaction. In the end, it doesn't matter what she texts you, or how often you two talk. What matters is how she is in person. Remember, you're not dating your phone. So if you have plans, why not see how she is when you spend time with her? If she's a bit cold and distant in person, then drop her. But if the date itself goes well, then just start focusing more on planning dates. In general I think this is a great example of how too much phone interaction can do more harm than good in the beginning. People get wrapped up in all this texting and calling developing a false sense of closeness with someone who's basically still a stranger. The phone should primarily be used for setting dates with a bit of communication from time to time. Then as you spend more and more time together, the communication between dates goes up. But this is a girl you've known for two weeks. So you shouldn't have been acting like a boyfriend being on the phone with her all the time in the very beginning. - exactly. What happens on the phone in between dates does not mean much if anything.
chantos Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) She is not over her ex and is most likely just dating you to get him out of her head. Takes girls a lot longer to "fall" for guys than vice versa, especially if they're just getting out of a relationship. What I would do in order of how attracted to me I'd want her to become (I'm a PUA so take from this what you're comfortable taking, not for everybody): 1. (Highly Attracted) Cancel on her and say your friend is back in town for one night and you two are hanging out Friday but you and her can hang out Saturday if she's around. Do not apologize. Do not specify the gender of the friend or give any extra details (by the way it'd help if you actually, you know, have other girls to hang out with that night...) Do not text her back whatsoever unless she texts you to confirm hanging out on Saturday. If she gets pissed do not respond. If she agrees to hang out Saturday keep every text brief and flirtatious, leave her wondering if you even dig her. 2. (Quite Attracted, Curious) Same thing but just say you're busy instead of the friend bit. 3. (Attracted) Go but be very interested in your own experience there and not hers. Flirt with her a lot. Text other girls in front of her. Don't pay for anything. When you leave go for a kiss. 4. (Neutral, Friends) Go, pay for some stuff, have fun with her and make sure she has a good time. 5. (Bored, Not Interested, Slightly Repulsed) Go, pay for everything, be super nice and overly accommodating and bend over backwards every single time she wants to do something. Tell her you really like her and enjoy spending time with her. Set up yet another date as you're leaving. Edited May 13, 2015 by chantos
LostOne1 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I just learned this last week... Phone and text interactions mean ****! People act different in person, either because they are shy or just are fake. That's why I try to keep texting limited now. I never understood why guys would tell me to keep text on the down low.... now I know why. Because, then you get attracted and attached to their phone personality. And, sometimes that doesn't come right out when you're meeting in person. If it was me, I'd still meet up with her. But DO NOT expect anything. I'd just take it as a fun hang out with no expectations or attachments.
Recommended Posts