I_Squared_R Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Another whining thread. Unfortunately.. I talk to as many women as possible. Unfortunately it isnt helping. I get stuck into the friend zone at first glance. It has to be my looks that are holding me back.. I instantly hit a wall. Within seconds of meeting a women they decide whether or not they want to date me. It's usually no because I am not the greatest looking guy. I can never break down that wall no matter how good my game is. In a game of "hot or not" I am already in the NOT. The most unintelligent and socially awkward creep will approach a women and door's fly open! It doesn't matter what they say as long as they are good looking. I need to be put into the hot of the "hot or not" first impressions women do. I am at the point in my life that if women won't accept me the way I am - I will do anything that they will. I will take drastic actions such as plastic surgery because 25 years old without one relationship is NOT good. I'd like to start with changing my style/haircut etc. to see if I can do without spending $10,000++. I am lost though, I don't know anything about style and i've been recommended to barbers, hairstylists, stores and I am still not sure. This is just a cry out for someone to point me in the right direction. I'd like to find a guy/girl around my age who is sensible about this stuff and is willing to help me. Like a lifestyle coach.
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 They do have style coaches & that is much better plan then plastic surgery. Before you fork out that kind of cash invest in a few magazines: Men's Health, Esquire & GQ come to mind. Read the articles. Look at the clothes & the go to a department store to buy clothes like those. You don't need the exact designer clothes but something fashionable will probably boost your own self confidence.
Hawaii51 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 You'd better served going to the mall and asking the retail people to dress you than reading those magazines. Do you have any female friends will to help you shop. Or even better, a gay one?
Author I_Squared_R Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 You'd better served going to the mall and asking the retail people to dress you than reading those magazines. Do you have any female friends will to help you shop. Or even better, a gay one? Like I said - I have no problem talking to women and so I have tons of female friends. I dont think any of them are stylish though. Im not sure about magazines. I think that whatever products that are listed in those magazines is by the highest bidder for advertisement $$ 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I saw that a female poster suggested men start dressing better/working out/getting haircuts to attract women in the other thread. Here's my problem with that. When you tie your sense of attractiveness to success with women, your success with women IN YOUR MIND will be tied to your sense of attractiveness. Here's an example. Say you go on a date with a woman and she says she loves your haircut and shirt and you look good. This has actually happened to me before. The next time you go on a date, it doesn't go well, and she doesn't look at you the same way. You will automatically assume it's because of your hair and shirt. And even if that is true, do you want to be the show-pony who is done up all the time? I don't. Or maybe you start working out and push yourself because you think once you reach that body fat limit, you think then you'll be attractive. Been there, done that. What you should do is get yourself to the point where YOU feel happy with your style and fitness. Then, nothing is tied to it. There is a big difference, trust me. And nobody should be able to tell you what style/level of dress you are happy with because they don't know you from Adam.
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Im not sure about magazines. I think that whatever products that are listed in those magazines is by the highest bidder for advertisement $$ Yes advertisements are paid for. However, those same advertisers are driving what people view as stylish. You should be a slave to them but do look for ideas. 1
Hawaii51 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Yes advertisements are paid for. However, those same advertisers are driving what people view as stylish. You should be a slave to them but do look for ideas. They are the trend setters...
Author I_Squared_R Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 I saw that a female poster suggested men start dressing better/working out/getting haircuts to attract women in the other thread. Here's my problem with that. When you tie your sense of attractiveness to success with women, your success with women IN YOUR MIND will be tied to your sense of attractiveness. Here's an example. Say you go on a date with a woman and she says she loves your haircut and shirt and you look good. This has actually happened to me before. The next time you go on a date, it doesn't go well, and she doesn't look at you the same way. You will automatically assume it's because of your hair and shirt. And even if that is true, do you want to be the show-pony who is done up all the time? I don't. Or maybe you start working out and push yourself because you think once you reach that body fat limit, you think then you'll be attractive. Been there, done that. What you should do is get yourself to the point where YOU feel happy with your style and fitness. Then, nothing is tied to it. There is a big difference, trust me. And nobody should be able to tell you what style/level of dress you are happy with because they don't know you from Adam. That is all good and well, but success with women is about attractiveness. If I were a channing tatum then I could walk around talking like a babbling idiot and that wouldn't matter. I would still be successful with women even when wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Unfortunately the average/subaverage men need some kind of advantage. We need all the help we can get to get noticed and have a shot at romance. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 That is all good and well, but success with women is about attractiveness. If I were a channing tatum then I could walk around talking like a babbling idiot and that wouldn't matter. I would still be successful with women even when wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Unfortunately the average/subaverage men need some kind of advantage. We need all the help we can get to get noticed and have a shot at romance. Yea. I agree, but to be honest, I really don't think dressing well helps all that much, so long as you're not a slob right now. And like I said, even if it did help you get a woman, you'd have to keep it up, or else she'd dump you. Is that the kind of woman you want? I buy upper/medium quality brand name clothes. DKNY, Kenneth Cole, Diesel, etc. But it is because I want to look a certain way. F@ck what women think. I definitely don't expect women to match the brand of clothes I buy and at least one woman I have dated has dressed to be honest, somewhat badly because they didn't have a lot of $, and I don't give a sh@t.
Author I_Squared_R Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 And like I said, even if it did help you get a woman, you'd have to keep it up, or else she'd dump you. Is that the kind of woman you want? All women are like this. At least in my generation. Back on topic?
SoulCat Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Stylish dressing and personal grooming are indeed something that could help you, but I personally think that the way you carry yourself is much more more important. Charisma, presence and self confidence are more attractive to me than a designer shirt or a swanky hairdo.
Author I_Squared_R Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Stylish dressing and personal grooming are indeed something that could help you, but I personally think that the way you carry yourself is much more more important. Charisma, presence and self confidence are more attractive to me than a designer shirt or a swanky hairdo. I carry charisma, presence, and self confidence. The self-confidence part has been slowly degrading though.
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Oh, this is easy! Go to a slightly upscale salon that doesn't just do men's hair. Call ahead and ask if they have someone for men who is really good at face shape and knowing what hairstyle will look best. They may have you look through some photos to get an idea what you like, but you should just leave it up to them since you say you have no sense of style that way. For clothing, call ahead to a nice department store like Dillard's, Macy's or H&M and ask them to recommend which one of their staff would be good at helping you put together a couple of outfits. Give them a general idea of your lifestyle, where you go, what you do. Tell them you need a dressy modern look for dates at nice restaurants as well as a modern dress casual look for less formal dates. Have them pick out everything. What I'm hoping you'll get is a suit you can either dress up or down by wearing a tie or no tie and changing shirts or be able to wear the jacket with jeans for more casual. And then depending on your climate, something nice and put together you can wear to most casual restuarants and movies, etc. with or without a jacket. If you're in a cool climate, a nice leather jacket might be a good choice. If it's warm there, the clerk can pick out lighter weight materials for the suiting. I say to call ahead because you don't want to walk in and trust a new employee with this. So get a name and then find out when they're working and go in and take some money with you. If you buy the right couple of outfits with their help, you should be able to mix and match those pieces with other items you own and create some more looks. Good luck. 2
SoulCat Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I carry charisma, presence, and self confidence. The self-confidence part has been slowly degrading though. The statement below suggests otherwise to me. If you did, you would not feel the need to go through drastic change to please other people. The whole 'I will do anything...' comes across as a bit needy and desperate. I am at the point in my life that if women won't accept me the way I am - I will do anything that they will. I will take drastic actions such as plastic surgery.
SycamoreCircle Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I am at the point in my life that if women won't accept me the way I am - I will do anything that they will. Yikes! There's your problem, man. No one wants to be around someone like this. As far as style goes, wear what makes you feel great. If you like wearing tight-booty jeans and headbands, go for it. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself. I wear $4 Hawaiian shirts from thrift stores. Never stopped me from talking to a woman and they give me compliments on my shirts all the time. Look at that ridiculous garbage Kanye West wears. Yet...there's heaps of sheepish men biting his style and plenty of women throwing themselves at him. You can't claim it's his winning personality. Just be you. Develop your interests. Own your skin. Some woman will notice you. 2
clia Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Most major department stores have stylists. Just call and make an appointment. Even places like Banana Republic have stylists now who will gladly help you shop.
Author I_Squared_R Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 The statement below suggests otherwise to me. If you did, you would not feel the need to go through drastic change to please other people. The whole 'I will do anything...' comes across as a bit needy and desperate. I am someone who accomplishes everything I work at no matter the cost or difficulties. So I am achieving almost everything in my life with the exception of dating. I have read tons of self help books, I am very sociable, fit, active, and smart (amongst other things) - and women still don't have any interest! Something is very wrong and I suspect it's my appearance. Therefore, I will do anything to remedy that problem. Hold up, we're on a relationship forum and you are judging me for trying to please other people? :lmao: Dating/relationships are all about pleasing other people! Otherwise you are out! Please give me the talk about how there is someone out there for everyone and that I shouldn't conform to what women want. I should apply that ideology to every part of my life - I am sure I will get very far
SoulCat Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Hold up, we're on a DATING WEBSITE and you are judging me for trying to please other people? That is dating!!! Hm yeah...Apart from the fact we're not on a dating site... Nice edit btw, but I caught it. 1
GemmaUK Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Oh, this is easy! Go to a slightly upscale salon that doesn't just do men's hair. Call ahead and ask if they have someone for men who is really good at face shape and knowing what hairstyle will look best. They may have you look through some photos to get an idea what you like, but you should just leave it up to them since you say you have no sense of style that way. For clothing, call ahead to a nice department store like Dillard's, Macy's or H&M and ask them to recommend which one of their staff would be good at helping you put together a couple of outfits. Give them a general idea of your lifestyle, where you go, what you do. Tell them you need a dressy modern look for dates at nice restaurants as well as a modern dress casual look for less formal dates. Have them pick out everything. What I'm hoping you'll get is a suit you can either dress up or down by wearing a tie or no tie and changing shirts or be able to wear the jacket with jeans for more casual. And then depending on your climate, something nice and put together you can wear to most casual restuarants and movies, etc. with or without a jacket. If you're in a cool climate, a nice leather jacket might be a good choice. If it's warm there, the clerk can pick out lighter weight materials for the suiting. I say to call ahead because you don't want to walk in and trust a new employee with this. So get a name and then find out when they're working and go in and take some money with you. If you buy the right couple of outfits with their help, you should be able to mix and match those pieces with other items you own and create some more looks. Good luck. Just what I was going to say! I've done make overs for several male friends who have asked me in the past and they were all really happy with their new image. A few things to remember - if you hate something they pick out and when you try it on (yes you must try it all on) you still hate it don't buy it - you will never wear it. (this is something I insisted the guys I took shopping did - they had to be totally blunt and honest with me - and they were! If you don't like it say so and they will find you an alternative that you might just love and love enough to buy two of (which is what happened with the guys I took shopping... )!! Plus, when you feel good in what you are wearing you feel good all round. I honestly believe this is why more women tend to be more confident in themselves especially as they grow older as they tend to know what styles suit them. They feel good so they give off confidence. 3
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) All women are like this. At least in my generation. Back on topic? I was. I said pick your own style. If you had asked women to judge how the clothes you pick out yourself FIT, that's a different matter. But you're asking to be made over like a barbie doll. Or maybe you're not really asking for advice. Maybe you're just killing time and laughing at the responses. It's also worthy to note, that the women who will be most impressed by a very well dressed man will not go out with you anyway, since you are a guy who has not been able to attract women at an advanced age. One time I went into a stylist with a pic and asked her to give me a spiky, crazy stylish doo. I went out that night and the person who noticed was the person in our extended social circle who wouldn't leave her house to go pick up milk without makeup. And the rest of her personality matches that. Rest assured, she would never date me (nor me her). The point I'm trying to make is that it's taking you away from you. Edited May 13, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Gaeta makes a good point. Don't resist trying on a lot of things. You never know what will fit right and look good until you try. And you may have to have something hemmed to fit, which isn't unusual since pants are basically one length and few of us are that height, so don't resist anything just because it's too long because a tailor at a cleaners can take that in for you .
GemmaUK Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Fannypacks are making a comeback Thank F we call them Bum Bags in the UK... Nuff said.. 1
GravityMan Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I do think that if you are downright SLOPPY in how you dress and groom yourself, then working on that can help your chances a bit. However... Stylish dressing and personal grooming are indeed something that could help you, but I personally think that the way you carry yourself is much more more important. Charisma, presence and self confidence are more attractive to me than a designer shirt or a swanky hairdo. That is correct, especially the bolded. How a person dresses and grooms only comprises part of a person's overall attractiveness or even overall EXTERNAL attractiveness in the eyes of others. It really comes down to a person's vibe that he or she unconsciously projects. Many different variables factor into that (including dress), but yes, how one carries him/herself is an essential factor. Vibe is intuitively sensed by others, and a good vibe can be sensed from a distance within a matter of minutes or even seconds. Most confident people have their own unique style...and while some of them may pay a little bit of attention to current societal and cultural fashion trends...it's usually just to get an idea here or there, or even just b/c they're curious. They don't let that stuff define them. In other words, they don't worry about what everyone else is doing, not even other people who are successful with the opposite sex. If anything, they are more likely to be trendsetters, not pack followers. OP, just confidently and genuinely be yourself. If you're not, then it does not matter what kinds of clothes (trendy or otherwise) you wear...it will make little impact in how attractive you come across to others. Even those "socially awkward" successful guys you mention in your OP likely have a "realness" aura about them, which some women pick up on and react favorably to. As long as you wear clothes that fit, and are in decent condition and don't blatantly clash with each other and your skin tone and build...that's probably good enough for many women. Also, wear clothes/style that YOU like...don't pick out outfits to impress others. Wear your clothes, don't let them wear you. Most people aren't fashionistas. And don't get overly vain about this stuff, either. I think you are too invested in trying to attract women. I.E. needy and putting them on a pedestal. Emotionally healthy individuals don't spend 24/7 thinking about this stuff. Most attractive and successful people (even those who are a bit awkward on occasion) are genuine, at least somewhat secure, have and value their own lives (interests, friends, beliefs, etc.), have a backbone, have a sense of humor, are happy with themselves and enjoy interacting with others and the world. Many of them tend to be charming and often effortlessly put others at ease. Thus, others are often naturally drawn to them like bees to honey. I carry charisma, presence, and self confidence. The self-confidence part has been slowly degrading though. I don't think you're anywhere near "comfortable in your own skin"...because if you were, this thread probably wouldn't have materialized in your mind in the first place. 2
ManyDissapoint Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I dunno. I'm more handsome than Channing Taters and I been single most my life. Except when I wasn't.
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