fitnessfan365 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I'd been messaging with this guy the past couple of days who seemed like a really good match. Age appropriate, lots in common, in my league, good flow to the communication, flirtation but nothing sleazy. Like you, I was starting to get a little excited, because everything was going well and he seemed very cool. Then he ruined it all by asking to come over and massage me after my tennis match last night, "as long as I'm naked" I swear I could hear the record SCRATCH when he said that. This is the type of guy that bugs the crap out of me. It's not my style to have sex with a woman early on. But, I do respect guys that have the balls to own their intentions. They just want to get laid, and they make that clear. More power to them. However, when a guy pussyfoots around going through the motions, and then blindsides a woman, it's WEAK in my opinion. Not only because it shows a lack of balls, but it also wastes a woman's time. But the glass half full version is that you found out what type of guy he is before you met him. 2
preraph Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 ^ Yep. I call those guys weasles. They try to just sneak themselves in. It's such an insult to any woman's intelligence and that's why women hate it so bad. 1
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 The caution vs. give-him-the-benefit-of-the-doubt question is a non-starter, bc it's not a matter of what the tendencies are or what the stats say. The fact is that a woman allowing a man she doesn't know into her home alone with her puts her at potential risk. Rapes do occur in those scenarios. Doesn't really matter how likely they are to occur. The worst thing that can happen if she errs on the side of caution is he gets his feelings hurt a little. The worst that can happen if she gives him the benefit of the doubt is she gets raped and murdered. Total no-brainer. 6
Ruby Slippers Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 This is the type of guy that bugs the crap out of me. It's not my style to have sex with a woman early on. But, I do respect guys that have the balls to own their intentions. They just want to get laid, and they make that clear. More power to them. However, when a guy pussyfoots around going through the motions, and then blindsides a woman, it's WEAK in my opinion. Not only because it shows a lack of balls, but it also wastes a woman's time. But the glass half full version is that you found out what type of guy he is before you met him. EXACTLY. I have no problem with the guys who make it clear what they're interested in within the first few messages. Maybe the day will come when I want a casual lover, and then I would only consider a guy who was clear about wanting the same from the start. A guy who pretends he wants more than sex to catch and hold a woman's attention, then lets the truth spring out like a scary clown jack-in-the-box is nothing but a low-down snake in the grass. Totally insults the woman's intelligence and completely wastes her time. This is why he got immediately blocked and deleted. Honestly, I felt a moment of anger when I wanted to send a real man to kick his sorry ass out of his extended adolescence. I have enough info that I bet I could locate him. I wish these guys had to suffer some consequences for their actions. But I see enough lonely 40-something bachelors stuck in their stale routines to know that he'll most likely eventually get his due. *******.
ascendotum Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 And, I'm intelligent enough to know NOT to trust any and every guy who APPEARS as though they're decent human beings who innocently want to pick me up at my house just because they're being 'polite' or 'chivalrous'. If that makes me 'paranoid' in some peoples' eyes, then SO BE IT. I do think you are overly paranoid, but as you say its totally your prerogative. Do you drive a hummer. How many car accidents are there in your city each day. How many stories of dates per day where the guy pulls out a meat cleaver or knife and chases the mom & kids around the house. A lot of women seem to like the traditional guy or old fashioned dating, well the whole guy asking the girl out on a date and then going to her house to pick her up, has been the fairly traditional way of dating for numerous decades and that scenario has played out millions of times. ES could easily go on a couple more dates with this guy and get comfier with him and feel the chemistry and have date 5 at his place or her place for dinner and be fine with yet, but in reality still not know much more in those extra 2 dates. This situation is the norm. Seem to be that most dates these days end up with sex between date 3-5. For the good looking players I know it seems for them first date sex being more often the norm. Its clear that's not your style, but doing police checks is too OTT for me. Getting the PI questions on the first date would turn me off. I doubt this guy was going to go for sex at her place before dinner or pull out the chloroform. He is a hot looking guy so is likely used to getting sex soon but I be surprised if he is clumsy in pulling his moves. It would make more sense to pick her up in his car then have the excuse to drop her off back home late in the evening after a few drinks and try invite himself in them and make his move. It was a redundant move (I get why it bugged her) but maybe he was just getting her comfy being at her place because that's were he hopes to have a date back there in the next week. Who knows. As for those rape stats I see they come from a survey that was done on US campus. I read an article that linked to the survey that mentioned that frat guys are more assertive when it comes to going for sex. I would not say that is an accurate representation for the man in the street. I was shocked at the 25% figures for men thinking those things justified rape. I was curious to see the original study which was published in a woman's publication. I had a hard time tracking it down. I found an article which I had the impression was referring to this survey and there it mentioned a survey being conducted on high school boys and the %'s were for forceful coercion with the girl who they thought was leading them on to sex. I think its a stretch to call it rape and also to extend that to the man in the street.
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