alphamale Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 i've had chicks invite me into their crib after the first date, actually it was part of the first date. Everyone has different criteria So this new guy I am dating for like a week or so has just invited himself to my apartment before tomorrow's date because it's "easier to go to dinner" from there. Yeah right. I can't help but feel a strong stranger vibe (like with everyone on OLD) and just thinking of him in my apartment makes me uncomfortable. I am also not even close to being ready for sex because regardless of how attractive a guy is, I am not capable of being attracted to someone without knowing them. I dunno, I don't feel like seeing him anymore. Even if I tell him that I will meet him at "dinner place", the fact that he even suggested my apartment really bothers me.
beach Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 BTW I sent him a text "I will just meet you at there" over an hour ago, no reply. It would be so funny if he never replies again Hopefully he just responds that he's looking forward to meeting at the restaurant.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Back when I was dating I often picked up women at their homes. Since nearly all the women I dated had children, picking them up generally entailed ringing the bell, them meeting me at the door and we heading off to whatever activities we had planned. Reverse for dropping off. Any hugging or kissing either occurred in the car or on the porch before the door was opened. At that point the date was over. Why? I respected the boundaries of propriety and their domicile and understood why they separated their children from their dating life (the last part not applicable to the OP since she doesn't have children) This continued on for quite some time, in a few cases many weeks, simply because they were not going to have a relatively unknown man around their children. Once more intimacy and trust resulted, then the kids were shuttled to a friend's or family's house and 'adult' things could happen at the door and inside it. Heh! In the case of my exW, who had no children, we dated about a month (picking her up) before I was invited into her duplex and, due to distance and the late hour, ended up sleeping on her sofa. Again, boundaries. Until a man's respect for boundaries is tested, it's an unknown. This guy is now tested and awaiting results. If things work out, they do. If not, not. OP, does this guy know where you live? I assumed he did and you were ambivalent about the logistics. From my perspective, this type of interaction would be a non-issue.... Me: Hey, I'll meet up with you at your place and we can walk/ride/taxi to the restaurant together. Her: I'd rather meet up at the restaurant. Me: OK, what time? Her: xxxx Me: OK, see you there! He knows where my apartment building is but not the actual apartment number. He also knows where my work is.
carhill Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 As such, the response to your most recent message should indicate next steps. We're talking early times here where details like who/what/where should be of minor significance and getting to know and having a good time together being of more major importance. If this kind of stuff becomes a sticking point this early, then my 'hmm' meter starts jigging up. Time will tell.
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 If he doesn't already have your apartment address, just tell him no. If he does, tel him you'll meet him outside. Or cancel the date if you feel all he wants is sex. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Your instincts are correct, I'm sure. This is the guy you said is intimidatingly good-looking, right? Those guys almost always try to push their luck and move fast. I've enjoyed dating this type lately, because they seem so flummoxed when a woman doesn't entertain it. I assume they're used to getting their way. Sorry to say it, but I think if he were serious, he wouldn't even try such an obvious ploy. Very disappointing. 3
empresario Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 So this new guy I am dating for like a week or so has just invited himself to my apartment before tomorrow's date because it's "easier to go to dinner" from there. Yeah right. I can't help but feel a strong stranger vibe (like with everyone on OLD) and just thinking of him in my apartment makes me uncomfortable. I am also not even close to being ready for sex because regardless of how attractive a guy is, I am not capable of being attracted to someone without knowing them. I dunno, I don't feel like seeing him anymore. Even if I tell him that I will meet him at "dinner place", the fact that he even suggested my apartment really bothers me. STRANGER DANGER. No, for real, that is a red flag. I am a guy. I know how men think. Just look to a lot of threads posted here. A lot of guys define date success on how far they are able to get physically. Whether his intentions are good (long term) or not, he still has that emotional fragility. A good, well-balanced guy emotionally will not push boundaries. I disagree with people saying that it's normal. A common "good guy" philosophy is "you have to push as hard as you can, but be OK when she says no". Screw that. Let things happen organically. Be concerned with who that person is. It works better anyways. Emotional connection breeds physical intimacy. 2
alphamale Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 If he doesn't already have your apartment address, just tell him no. If he does, tel him you'll meet him outside. Or cancel the date if you feel all he wants is sex. yeah i'd go w/ that
beach Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I'm not letting anyone know where I live until I feel safe with them. And that trust is earned. So far, this guy isn't waiting to earn your trust. 2
GemmaUK Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 A friend of mine was at date 3 with a guy last year and he said he wanted to pick her up at her place so she gave him her address. He arrived, she was ready to go but he kinda gently pushed past her to get in her place. Once he was in he proceeded to sexually assault her whilst pinning her to the back of her sofa. She kicked him in the groin before pushing him out her door. It all happened in a matter of seconds. Previously he had been a total gent during the other two dates. Trust your instinct OP! It never fails you if you listen to it and act upon it. 5
katiegrl Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 BTW I sent him a text "I will just meet you at there" over an hour ago, no reply. It would be so funny if he never replies again ES, has he replied yet? If not, I vote for he won't...BUSTED. I hope I'm wrong!!
MissBee Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 So this new guy I am dating for like a week or so has just invited himself to my apartment before tomorrow's date because it's "easier to go to dinner" from there. Yeah right. I can't help but feel a strong stranger vibe (like with everyone on OLD) and just thinking of him in my apartment makes me uncomfortable. I am also not even close to being ready for sex because regardless of how attractive a guy is, I am not capable of being attracted to someone without knowing them. I dunno, I don't feel like seeing him anymore. Even if I tell him that I will meet him at "dinner place", the fact that he even suggested my apartment really bothers me. I would be put off too. It's totally your call about if you want to proceed or are turned off enough to decline altogether. If you do decide to go, I'd simply meet him downstairs. Have him call you when he is close and be waiting right outside the door, that way he has no excuse to come upstairs or wait for you or anything. But yea, the part that's a turn off for me is when guys suggest things knowing their intentions but try to pull a fast one about "it's easier" and nonsense like that when it makes no sense and I wasn't born last night . I much prefer men who are gentlemen and who don't come on heavy or try to insert themselves too fast but allow me to know them and invite them and set the pace, so because of that I too would be turned off by a man who did that as it shows the exact opposite. 1
Gary S Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 ES, has he replied yet? If not, I vote for he won't...BUSTED. I hope I'm wrong!! - Katie, he's already been busted... get with the program
MissBee Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Just read the rest of the thread and saw that he hasn't as yet replied to your suggestion to meet him there....smh, let's wait and see if he does, if he does great, but if he doesn't just WOW! He couldn't even try and it would be actually quite comical and will be a great relief that you've dodged him. I love when guys eliminate themselves easily without me having to do any extra work, especially when I'm already iffy about them and they just seal the deal by bowing out after they realize I've picked up on their bull. 2
alphamale Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Your instincts are correct, I'm sure. This is the guy you said is intimidatingly good-looking, right? Those guys almost always try to push their luck and move fast. I've enjoyed dating this type lately, because they seem so flummoxed when a woman doesn't entertain it. I assume they're used to getting their way. Sorry to say it, but I think if he were serious, he wouldn't even try such an obvious ploy. Very disappointing. good analysis RS
katiegrl Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 - Katie, he's already been busted... get with the program How so? What am I missing??????? Last I heard, he hadn't responded *yet*. He still might, although as I said, I vote for he won't. So how has he been busted. Please do tell! :) 1
carhill Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 OP, do you still find men who exhibit actions consistent with high attraction to be attractive and, if so, does this kind of behavior align with such exhibitions, in that a man exhibiting high attraction would desire, though not necessarily achieve, early entrance into your private space?
hotpotato Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Tbh moving fast is a man thing and not particular to good looking men. It would be nice to think an unattractive men wont *insert offending behavior here* but often times they do. Plenty of men think you should have sex with him if he pays for your meal (prepaying for sex ( or gives you a little attention. A man doesnt have to come in yiyr house to pick you up. As a rule of thumb, any time a man is trying to get you alone, he is trying to have sex. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) Tbh moving fast is a man thing and not particular to good looking men. It would be nice to think an unattractive men wont *insert offending behavior here* but often times they do. Plenty of men think you should have sex with him if he pays for your meal (prepaying for sex ( or gives you a little attention. This is true, but better-looking men have a wider pool to choose from, so they tend to be bolder and take more chances. If they fail, oh well, some other woman will be less savvy, more naive. They will be more careful with a woman they're really into. That's the rare time when they bring their A game. If a man isn't bringing his A game with you, it's either because he has no A game, or he doesn't see you as "playoff material". He sees you as an easy game he can play with one hand tied behind his back. A savvy woman won't be played by a half-hearted contender. Men without that wide appeal are generally more respectful because they take their limited chances more seriously - generally, of course. There are plenty of men who just don't seem to have the capacity to be respectful. And again, if the guy is really wowed by you, he will bring his best. This lame attempt at casual sex is far from anybody's best, and Eternal Sunshine knows that on an instinctual level. As a rule of thumb, any time a man is trying to get you alone, he is trying to have sex. Correct. Shocking how long it took me to figure this out! Online dating is FULL of hot guys who are trying to nail naive women with minimal effort. Edited May 13, 2015 by Ruby Slippers 2
hotpotato Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 ^^^Re: attractive men, that hasnt been my experience. Ive in fact found unattractive men to be extremely sexually aggressive. Its nice to think an unattractive man will treat you better, but its often fiction. Some people are just like that. A lot of times, if an attractive person has a character flaw, thats attributed to them being attractive. Thats not always the reason. I did a lot of dating in my early 20s and didnt notice a difference. They all wanted to bowchickawowoooow! Anyway, im glad Eternal didnt fall for it! As far as the sex thing, this is something that we all need to be real about. If a man is trying to get you alone, hes not trying to hold hands and sing kumbaya. Most dudes on pof are trying to get a piece. If a woman thinks she can avoid this by dating unattractive dudes, prepare for disaappoint.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 He responded after a few hours with "ok no problem". He hasn't texted ever since. Usually he was texting and calling non stop (another flag). We are still on for tonight but I feel like cancelling now.
Hawaii51 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) He responded after a few hours with "ok no problem". He hasn't texted ever since. Usually he was texting and calling non stop (another flag). We are still on for tonight but I feel like cancelling now. The first one wasn't a flag!! lmao. This guy is getting penalized for going about his day after suggesting something- that he must've thought- was an idea for your plans this evening. Sex or not. And now he's ready to meet you where you flagged him for not wanting to meet you, and you're flagging 'em for that! Edited May 14, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 I am so slow to invest that I honestly don't care either way. I will see him tonight just for the sake of not jumping to conclusions but meh.
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