SycamoreCircle Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 The other day this tall, attractive woman, late-30's came in by herself to the diner I work in Brooklyn. I spoke to her briefly about the book she was reading and discovered she was Australian. She seemed only mildly engaged by me so I left her alone. When it came time to pay her bill, she walked up to me looking very frazzled. She tore her purse apart looking for her billfold. No doing. "I'm sorry. These past few days I've been out of it. I think I left my wallet at my hotel. It's not far from here. This has been the worst couple of days. I was in bed all day yesterday due to migraines." She started weeping. I gave her a napkin and told her I was sorry. "Look, give me your phone as collateral. Go to your hotel. I'll be here." She pulled herself together and explained that she had a lot of work on her computer to do and didn't want to be stuck in her dingy hotel. That she'd originally planned to stay at a friend of a friend's but that fell through. They'd canceled at the last moment. She seemed blown away at my suggestion that she hunker down at the diner and work. "Get your computer. Set up here. I'll give you some suggestions for fun things you can do locally and hopefully turn your trip around for you. It'd be a shame if you didn't have a nice time while visiting." Hours later she returned in much better spirits. My shift was ending. We said hello and I told her I'd sit down with her a minute. I brought a sheet of paper and pen. We introduced ourselves and I began to talk to her a little about her. I started to make some suggestions for cool things she could check out in the area, writing them down for her. She seemed a little amiss, so I asked her what she was into. "I'm a food writer and I want to experience modern American food." I made some suggestions, some of which she'd heard about and we seemed to be relating well to each other. But very quickly, I felt that she felt this was supposed to be something else. Meaning, I was supposed to be flirting with her or suggesting we meet up. I viewed it simply as I was there to help her. I spoke very briefly about myself but she didn't really take the cue, so I figured she wasn't considering me that way or maybe I was too late. Nevertheless, at some point she said "no, you've been very...generous, very...kind." Which I interpreted by her averted look and trailing words as "no, you've been very...disappointing, very...not what I wanted." My feeling is this---had she suggested I do something with her, I probably would have. She was in Brooklyn for a week, wanted to explore local color. As she didn't ask anything about me, I never got the cue that she was interested, so I didn't step up. Why then did she seem disappointed that I didn't make a move on her? She was very attractive, so I can imagine she has never had to be responsible for getting dates. The ball was in her court. I feel like I played my part as appropriately as I could. I do feel she wanted me to be daring with her---which, along with her emotional breakdown, might suggest an unstable type. I know none of you were there, but from what I've told you how do interpret what happened?
Thermals Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I'm no expert on these things but perhaps she expected you to show her around town and experience all of your suggestions -- places to visit, things to do, food to try -- together. Clearly she liked you as a person, you were kind, genuine and welcoming. I can't tell you how great it feels sometimes when I'm new to a town or city and feeling isolated and lonely and a complete stranger makes me feel welcomed. Sometimes that 'you've-made-my-week' connection is strong enough to generate emotions that make me feel a strong bond to that person. And that bond is -- or can be -- a good starting point for something more..... That's been my experience anyway.
xxoo Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 It's a mutually missed opportunity. Either of you could have suggested meeting somewhere. Since it's your town, it would seem most natural for you to suggest. 1
Toodaloo Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 SC you will have experiences like this all the time. She probably thought you were just being nice. 1
Auspecial Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Missed mixed messages. Plus, she sounds a little unstable, as you say. She has also said she has been out of it, she probably still is out of it. She may not have any clear idea what she wants to do. Its good you made a friend and helped out someone in need. That's what life is supposed to be about. 4
Author SycamoreCircle Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Missed mixed messages. Plus, she sounds a little unstable, as you say. She has also said she has been out of it, she probably still is out of it. She may not have any clear idea what she wants to do. Its good you made a friend and helped out someone in need. That's what life is supposed to be about.Yeah, I'm glad it happened. I just wondered if there was something I was supposed to do that I didn't. I agree. She did seem a little out of it the whole time.
Gary S Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 It's possible she expected you to be her tour guide and say, "I'll show you around the city". She sounds like a nut to me. Did she get a free meal on the house off you?
Auspecial Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Yeah, I'm glad it happened. I just wondered if there was something I was supposed to do that I didn't. I agree. She did seem a little out of it the whole time. You tried, and went above and beyond to be helpful. Now just let it go, and no worrying or second thoughts.
Author SycamoreCircle Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 No, she paid. Not to be judgmental, but I've met younger, solo female Australian travelers in far more desperate countries who seemed more in control.
Gary S Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Well, I probably would have done exactly what you did. I would not get involved with a tourist. The thing about tourists is, they are going to leave you, real soon.
gaius Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Food writer that wants to experience modern american cuisine zzzzzzzzzzzz. She must have been hot if she thinks she can get away with being that uninteresting. I've noticed most women seem to get annoyed, if not downright angry with you if you just try to be nice or helpful and not f them. 1
Auspecial Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 No, she paid. Not to be judgmental, but I've met younger, solo female Australian travelers in far more desperate countries who seemed more in control. Probably because, she has some issues beyond the common "stressed out week." Looking put together and being put together can be two different things. No harm, no foul. Or do they say fowl in Australia? 1
Author SycamoreCircle Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Food writer that wants to experience modern american cuisine zzzzzzzzzzzz. She must have been hot if she thinks she can get away with being that uninteresting. I've noticed most women seem to get annoyed, if not downright angry with you if you just try to be nice or helpful and not f them.I agree. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. It's like an insult to them that you're not trying to get in their pants.
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 So did she ever pay her tab? Because I suspect she is a meal whore posing as a food writer. If she was a real food writer, she'd certainly pay her bill even if she had to come back later to do it.
GemmaUK Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 If she was in bed all day the previous day with migraine it's no wonder she was spaced out. A migraine knocks me for six for a few days when I get one, luckily I only rarely suffer with them. A friend of mine gets them about every two months and for her she isn't right until about 3 days after it's over. Maybe her disappointment was actually just a moment of feeling weird after her migraine. I wouldn't read much into it to be honest. 2
Author SycamoreCircle Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 So did she ever pay her tab? Because I suspect she is a meal whore posing as a food writer. If she was a real food writer, she'd certainly pay her bill even if she had to come back later to do it.She did pay. Yes, NYC has lots of meal whores.
xxoo Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I agree. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. It's like an insult to them that you're not trying to get in their pants. She was obviously having a difficult week, so it's very possible that her mood had nothing to do with you. 1
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