Maximus1108 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Hi guys I've been seeing this girl for like 3 months. Her interest level in me was well in the 90's when we started. After a while i started acting like a jerk (initiating arguments when there was nothing to argument about, acting all moody,...) Don't ask me why i did this, i have to work on it i know. Anyway, couple of weeks ago she said her feelings for me are almost completely gone. We took a couple days to not see each other but we were already chatting through text after 1 day. When we met again we kissed and had sex but that night she wrote me a text in which she said she could not go on, that her feelings were gone and could never come back. She said she wants me still in her life and that she likes to be with me but when i'm gone there is no more feeling. The next day i talked to her a bit and went over to her place. Kissing and sex again and she also said that i confuse her because i'm so sweet right now. Well this scenario happened again a couple of times. She still says her feelings have almost completely gone and she doesn't know if they will ever come back. She keeps telling me i'm confusing her since i'm not acting moody or like a jerk anymore. On the other hand, she is acting moody from time to time. She told her parents that we broke up. Any ideas on this or advice where to go from here? Thanks a lot!
elaine567 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 She liked/loved you, you acted like a nasty jerk and she doesn't like or trust you anymore. You talk - she likes the new improved version of you - you kiss, you have sex, she goes home. She thinks "Wow, what a fool I am, that was the guy that made me so miserable." She then thinks, "What the hell, the sex is good, I'll use him like he used me, why not?" Treating women like sh*t, is never good, it breeds resentment and it creates situations like this. Instead of having this girl thinking you are an Adonis, she thinks you are a scumbag and no doubt even if you do get back together, that moody, jerky you, will always be on her mind, so she may never commit to you in the way you perhaps now want her to. Women rarely forget such behaviour, and it usually results in them building walls to protect themselves. You reap what you sow. 2
Author Maximus1108 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 yes elaine, that's true...and i feel miserable now. No one is perfect..
elaine567 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 yes elaine, that's true...and i feel miserable now. No one is perfect.. You are going to have to try and regain her trust, without turning into some sloppy "yes" guy that she will not respect or trust either. If you truly love her, then it is worth a try.
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 From here you leave her alone. Your Jekell & Hyde routine killed her affection. She doesn't trust you not to be a jerk & she is rightfully drawing protective boundaries but is still trying to be nice as she shows you the door. Do some self reflection. Figure out why you sabotaged this & don't do it again.
Redhead14 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) Hi guys I've been seeing this girl for like 3 months. Her interest level in me was well in the 90's when we started. After a while i started acting like a jerk (initiating arguments when there was nothing to argument about, acting all moody,...) Don't ask me why i did this, i have to work on it i know. Anyway, couple of weeks ago she said her feelings for me are almost completely gone. We took a couple days to not see each other but we were already chatting through text after 1 day. When we met again we kissed and had sex but that night she wrote me a text in which she said she could not go on, that her feelings were gone and could never come back. She said she wants me still in her life and that she likes to be with me but when i'm gone there is no more feeling. The next day i talked to her a bit and went over to her place. Kissing and sex again and she also said that i confuse her because i'm so sweet right now. Well this scenario happened again a couple of times. She still says her feelings have almost completely gone and she doesn't know if they will ever come back. She keeps telling me i'm confusing her since i'm not acting moody or like a jerk anymore. On the other hand, she is acting moody from time to time. She told her parents that we broke up. Any ideas on this or advice where to go from here? Thanks a lot! Well, if it were her who was being all moody, etc., what would it take for you to regain your trust in her? I'd be willing to bet that if the tables were turned, you'd have backed off and let it drop and moved on. This is probably the best course of action now. This relationship was only 3 months on and wouldn't have been strong enough to survive something like this anyway. If it were a longer term relationship, I'd have different advice. If you really want to try to restore the relationship and she is interested in that as well, I'd say hit the "reset" button. Basically, start dating her again from the beginning. Take it slowly so she can observe that you're addressing the issues that caused the break up. Take sex off the table for just a little bit, not as a tool of manipulation or a weapon, it's simply to have something to work toward for building the trust level again. It may concern her that you are now just coming in for the sex without putting effort into working on the issues. It's a show of good faith to her. She can opt for that or not, but that's now left to her. Edited May 13, 2015 by Redhead14
Gary S Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Well, I'd take what she originally told you at face value - her feelings are gone. Like you said, you know what you have to work on, you'll do better with the next lady.
caringsister Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Hi guys I've been seeing this girl for like 3 months. Her interest level in me was well in the 90's when we started. After a while i started acting like a jerk (initiating arguments when there was nothing to argument about, acting all moody,...) Don't ask me why i did this, i have to work on it i know. Anyway, couple of weeks ago she said her feelings for me are almost completely gone. We took a couple days to not see each other but we were already chatting through text after 1 day. When we met again we kissed and had sex but that night she wrote me a text in which she said she could not go on, that her feelings were gone and could never come back. She said she wants me still in her life and that she likes to be with me but when i'm gone there is no more feeling. The next day i talked to her a bit and went over to her place. Kissing and sex again and she also said that i confuse her because i'm so sweet right now. Well this scenario happened again a couple of times. She still says her feelings have almost completely gone and she doesn't know if they will ever come back. She keeps telling me i'm confusing her since i'm not acting moody or like a jerk anymore. On the other hand, she is acting moody from time to time. She told her parents that we broke up. Any ideas on this or advice where to go from here? Thanks a lot! So is the real you nice or a jerk? Are you just being nice to try and win her back? She is probably confused because the guy she doesn't want to be with is the jerk, but you're being nice and that is the person she cares about. It is causing her to have conflicted emotions. My suggestion is if you can't treat her right then let go of her. If you have issues that you need to work on then work on them so that when you are in a relationship you can give it your best. It's not fair to drag others through the mud. That's just my thoughts
Author Maximus1108 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Thank you all for your replies. I spent all day with her yesterday, doing fun things and even ended up having sex twice. At the end of the night we have a long conversation in which she says its not going to work for her. She has tried her utmost but the feelings just won't come back. She says that its important for her to lay a foundation of love in the beginning of a relationship and that if shes hurt too much in that stage, she cant open up herself anymore. She cried heavily and said this is not what i want but it is what is, i can't change my feelings towards you. I wish i could... She also said she enjoys my company and loves talking to me. No one can give her such a safe feeling as i can. I said: well the sex is also good so this almost sounds like a perfect relationship. She said: thats true, if only my feelings were there... Needless to say i feel heart broken and devastated. I accept her decision though and will work on myself to not make the same mistake again. Good day!
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