xpaperxcutx Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I am a very curious person by nature, so it's not a surprise when I started snooping around the internet for my boyfriend's information He's very into social media, so it wasn't hard to find videos and pictures of him and of course, his ex. I'm jealous. His ex is a very pretty girl- skinny, with long hair and a lot younger than me. They broke up after 5 years together because she disrespected his mother and he was emotionally scarred by her actions throughout their relationship. However, I am still a little unsettled by the fact that he still has her pictures on his facebook. Even though he told me he will never get back together with her, I can't help feeling insecure. Anybody ever been in my position? How do you deal with the jealousy and the little insecurity that pops up here and there?
jeffmeyers Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 He dumped her and he's with you now. What more do need? Wait, don't disrespect his mom and try not to scar him emotionally, ok? 1
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I can relate. My ex (we broke up two weeks ago) had the ex wife from hades. We started seeing each other, and before we even made it "Facebook official", she went psycho on me because I had a profile picture with him. She then had all of her friends and family send me friend requests, verbally attack me on my profile picture comments (this was before you could close off comments to the public, and they were separated at the time so her friends called me a home wrecker and all of my friends and family could see it), and she even went as far as to make fake FB accounts so she could try to see my private page. When that didn't work, she resorted to calling him at all hours of the day and night, calling his first sgt. claiming he was suicidal and to go check on him, trying to get him kicked out of the Army because we were dating and they were still legally married, tracking his phone and stealing money from their joint account (I took him to open his own account after this unfortunate event and she got even more angry). After that, I was extremely paranoid all of the time, and I became obsessed with keeping tabs on her so I could know if she was talking about us or planning things. I was actually reading about this subject, and people tend to believe it's usually the other way around- that the ex compares themselves to the new SO. In actuality, it's fairly common for current SOs to compare themselves to the ex, which is what I did. I asked my ex all of the time about their relationship and her bad habits so I would avoid repeating the same mistakes- to the point where he got annoyed with it. I really do think she had quite an effect on our relationship, because even months and months after we were together and she was in a new serious relationship, she was STILL calling him when she had problems with her new guy. He didn't want to deal with it but, being the nice person he claimed to be, he listened while she whined about her relationship. When we broke up, they became Facebook friends once again, and I'm sure she got a kick out of our relationship failing. I don't care anymore, though. She's crazy and he doesn't want her back. So yeah, I can totally relate. Not uncommon to compare yourself. You want to know what went wrong, their flaws and faults, so you can be an improvement to your SO. Nothing wrong with that.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 He dumped her and he's with you now. What more do need? Wait, don't disrespect his mom and try not to scar him emotionally, ok? I won't disrespect his mom or his family or even try to hurt him emotionally. The thing is that he still has pictures and videos of her on his Facebook and on other social medias. When I got together with him, I deleted all pictures of my ex and I have no need to reminisce about my past. I don't know if he thinks abut his ex or not, although his actions says he is happy with me. He calls me everyday and we text here and there just to ask how each other are because we don't see each other everyday. I am also older than him and I never feel the need to compare myself to others, but the fact that his ex had such an impact on him makes me feel like I have to compete with his past.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Is it possible he just forgot about them in the social media history stream? You seem to feel threatened by her beauty and younger age. But she disrespected his mother and "emotionally scarred" him. Sounds to me like it's over. Does he do anything to make you feel he doesn't appreciate your beauty, or sees your age as a negative?
fitnessfan365 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Well even though someone is an EX, it doesn't mean that you're not allowed to have memories of them. He's with you now and that's all that should matter. But in general, I think FB does more harm than good when it comes to dating. I agreed to "friend" an ex GF of mine once because she wanted to be FB official. Then her friends and family members started blowing up my inbox. Whether it was to get status updates on our relationship, asking when we were going to meet, etc.. Also, all her posts would show up in my activity feed. It made me feel like I was invading her privacy. Plus, on days where I'd be alone, she'd see me online and then continually send me messages on FB wanting to talk. So i swore I'd never again be FB friends with a GF. 1
kayla73 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 When my boyfriend and I decided to live together, he went through his old things to decide what to keep and what not to keep. He came across several pictures of him and his ex that he was with for a very long time. He told me he wanted to only keep one picture, the first picture they ever took together. I was a little bothered at first. I kept thinking to myself, "Why? I don't keep pictures of my exes, so maybe he still has feelings for her?" I was overreacting. He simply said, "She was a part of my life at that time, like an old friend from school you never see again, but you're fine with. That's all. Just a memory." My boyfriend also has a couple pictures of his ex on his Facebook, but I don't let it bother me. It's natural to be curious and see where your boyfriend has been and who he's been with, but don't let the curiosity lead to jealousy or insecurity. You'll drive yourself crazy. So what if she was attractive. She obviously was not a good person. You probably are, and that's why your boyfriend wants to be with YOU. Remember that, and have some confidence in yourself.
phineas Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 He isn't still talking to her right? so a few pics from yes ago on his feed i don't see as an issue. If he was still talking to her? I'd be concerned. I learned a while ago to never get serious with someone who still talks to an ex. Especially when they demonized that ex. If he was so horrible why keep talking to him? Lol
Gaeta Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 You are 25 how can you have jealousy for a younger woman? You're all young for god sake! And he's 23? He's now hot for dating a 25 years old who's got her act together. I don't think it's flattering for any 23 yo men to date a young teenish girl who has no respect for his mother.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 He isn't still talking to her right? so a few pics from yes ago on his feed i don't see as an issue. If he was still talking to her? I'd be concerned. I learned a while ago to never get serious with someone who still talks to an ex. Especially when they demonized that ex. If he was so horrible why keep talking to him? Lol Good question. During our first date to the movies he made mention that he will have to meet up with his ex and get his birthday gift from her. When he told me that, I felt a little upset because I don't keep in contact with my ex nor do I meet an ex to get a gift for a birthday that passed months back. He hasn't met her yet, and he has since told me all he has been doing is trying to avoid that confrontation. As for whether he still talks to her or not, Im going to assume that she's the ex who tries to keep in contact. She's still friended on his Facebook so everytime she 'likes' a picture of his, i know. I try to avoid dating people with exes in the picture myself. I have never been friends with an ex and i always cut them off. So this situation is something that makes me think, if she's still in his life, he might go back to her If she's persistent.
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 If the pictures were still on his FB page I might ask him to put them on a flash drive or something. I would not expect they be destroyed. Try to wrap your head around the fact that he sets good boundaries & that he has chosen to be with you. If you believe he has so many more (better) choices, celebrate the fact that he picked you. 1
Gary S Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Sweetie, he's in love with you, not the ex - you own his heart
mongo Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 youre being silly and insecure. next youll be demanding he take down old pics from fb and threatening to leave if he doesnt.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 During our first date to the movies he made mention that he will have to meet up with his ex and get his birthday gift from her. When he told me that, I felt a little upset because I don't keep in contact with my ex nor do I meet an ex to get a gift for a birthday that passed months back. He talked about his ex on his FIRST DATE with you? How romantic And his birthday was months ago? She's obviously coming up with an excuse to see him, and he's cool with it. I give him credit for putting it all out there right away. Why is he meeting up with a girl who disrespected his mother and "emotionally scarred" him? Obviously the scars and disrespect weren't that bad if he's cool with hanging out with her. I try to avoid dating people with exes in the picture myself. I have never been friends with an ex and i always cut them off. So this situation is something that makes me think, if she's still in his life, he might go back to her If she's persistent. I think you're smart to be wary. I think people fall along a spectrum when it comes to staying friends with exes. Some are very conservative, some very liberal, and everything in between. Personally, I'm very conservative on this point. I think that spending time with someone you used to have sex with, while you're now having sex with somebody else, can be risky, and it's not a risk I'm comfortable with. Most of the men I've had relationships with feel the same way. They would not be cool with me hanging out with an ex, period. And neither of us minds, because we agree on that point. But you're with a guy who sees no problem with it. You can demand he do something else, but it will just be a rule from outside, not something that comes from within him. I think the best you can do is tell him you're not comfortable with it, and see how he responds. Then decide whether the way he handles it is OK for you or not. 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Sweetie, he's in love with you, not the ex - you own his heart I can tell he really likes me. I've known him since Februrary... and we only just started dating. I'm not insecure, but I'm wary of a guy who has dealings with an ex. Since my break up with my ex of 3 years, I'm done with putting up with alot of stuff. If a guy wants to date me, he only gets one chance to be with me.
central Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I can tell he really likes me. I've known him since Februrary... and we only just started dating. I'm not insecure, but I'm wary of a guy who has dealings with an ex. Since my break up with my ex of 3 years, I'm done with putting up with alot of stuff. If a guy wants to date me, he only gets one chance to be with me. You do need to have good boundaries, but there's a fuzzy line between good and ridiculous. You may only have one chance with him, too - be careful not to blow your chance.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 You do need to have good boundaries, but there's a fuzzy line between good and ridiculous. You may only have one chance with him, too - be careful not to blow your chance. I treat him well. I recently got him a brand-new Fossil wallet for his internship. I would take him out to dinner and give him advice on a lot of things. He knows that I'm a dedicated girl, and I have no tolerance for cheating. My ex cheated on me and he knows I've been hurt. I would leave him in a heartbeat if he hurts me.
Els Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) I am a very curious person by nature, so it's not a surprise when I started snooping around the internet for my boyfriend's information He's very into social media, so it wasn't hard to find videos and pictures of him and of course, his ex. I'm jealous. His ex is a very pretty girl- skinny, with long hair and a lot younger than me. They broke up after 5 years together because she disrespected his mother and he was emotionally scarred by her actions throughout their relationship. However, I am still a little unsettled by the fact that he still has her pictures on his facebook. Even though he told me he will never get back together with her, I can't help feeling insecure. Anybody ever been in my position? How do you deal with the jealousy and the little insecurity that pops up here and there? I don't think having old pics up on FB is a big deal - most people I know don't go through their FB and delete all photos with an ex in it after they break up. They do change their status or profile picture... but selectively going through and deleting ALL the photos with an ex? It's far more work than a failed relationship merits IMO (also, what do they do about group pics?). I think you need to focus on whether or not your SO is showing you that he loves YOU, not on his ex's appearance. I mean, I know what my SO's ex looks like (we were both in other Rs when we first met, so we both have seen each others' exes). She was quite stereotypically beautiful - I think she could've been a model if she'd wanted. I also know that he was the one to break things off with her, and I know why he did so (like your bf's ex, she was being emotionally abusive). I don't view her as a threat - beauty isn't everything to a relationship. We've been together for several years now. (Edit: Whoa, I just read the whole birthday-gift-from-ex thing. Not cool IMO. I don't think you should be okay with that. My above advice only applies to the old FB photos, not stuff like meeting his ex on your first date to get a gift from her...) Edited May 15, 2015 by Elswyth
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