firefly1 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Hi guys Started dating this guy and so far it's been great. Trouble is, we are 10 years apart in age. We share one hobby in common which is how we met. We havent gone on dates where we do stuff, we have just been on 6 coffee dates each lasting 6 hours where we just talk. In between dates, I find it hard to keep a text conversation interesting. There's a lack of common ground I suppose, so lack of topics. Any suggestions on the stuff I could say in text messages to keep it light and flirty, or ideas on dates which could generate things to talk about? Is it normal to run out of things to say if you guys have just been talking for essentially 36 hours without doing stuff. We do like each other, so is it possible that the more we spend time with each other we will grow together. Thanks
Gary S Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Well, sometimes when you date someone out of your age range by ten years or more, there is a little less to talk about. But that does not mean it's a dealbreaker. If you both wrote down a list of 100 things you like to do, and shared the list, do you think you could find things to do together? Sure, plenty! Do you smell the coffee date?! You are not looking for common interests. Instead, you are looking for mutual interest in each other. You don't need common interests.... who does not like a walk on the beach? Another myth busted! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Six coffee dates? Talk about dull..LOL On the first few dates, a good idea probably would have been to talk about things you two like to do for fun separately. Then you take turns introducing each other to something. Also, find out a few new things that you've both wanted to try but haven't had a chance to do yet. Whether it's a new activity, a place to drive to and check out, a new restaurant, etc.. By communicating and working together to experience new things, you two might find things you both enjoy doing together. Plus, it probably isn't easy to develop a physical connection sitting at a table. Why not find an outdoor venue you two can walk around and window shop/chat in. Or look up free festivals that have free live music, etc.. An interesting way to get to know someone a bit is to go to a dollar store. Then say "If you only had ten dollars to work with, what ten things would you buy in this store?" There is also geocoaching which is like treasure/scavenger hunting which is a good bonding experience and communication exercise. Also, you can't go wrong with the classics like bowling, pool, etc.. 1
todreaminblue Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 completely agree with gary....a walk on the beach is not unliked by many....except my exes mum who hated sand........there are always common interests......you just have to find them....explore them and in retro you get to know the person you are with...dotn be afraid to try something you thought you wouldnt like....if its decent that is........the beauty of getting to know someone better is the joy in finding things to do together that you both enjoy...coffee dates get old quickly....start thinking and gary's suggestion is perfect its creative and thought inducing.......that common interest you have where you met.... what is it?...expand on that interest see how far you can go..every interest common or otherwise has a chance of expansion and tangents.......deb 1
Gaeta Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Why only coffee dates? Wow, how boring, sitting on little uncomfortable chairs with a table between you. Grab a blanket and go sit by the water in a park! go walks in the woods, go play pool, head to a drive-in theater! flea market, amusement park, no? If you want to discover common interests then do things together. 1
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I'm with FF. I think the crux of the problem is dull dates. I mean, what IS there to talk about only having coffee? Go to the zoo, go to the museum, go to a game or a concert, go for a nature hike. Get out and DO things together and see if it's fun or only drives you further apart. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 6 coffee dates? He should really be trying harder!
Redhead14 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Hi guys Started dating this guy and so far it's been great. Trouble is, we are 10 years apart in age. We share one hobby in common which is how we met. We havent gone on dates where we do stuff, we have just been on 6 coffee dates each lasting 6 hours where we just talk. In between dates, I find it hard to keep a text conversation interesting. There's a lack of common ground I suppose, so lack of topics. Any suggestions on the stuff I could say in text messages to keep it light and flirty, or ideas on dates which could generate things to talk about? Is it normal to run out of things to say if you guys have just been talking for essentially 36 hours without doing stuff. We do like each other, so is it possible that the more we spend time with each other we will grow together. Thanks 6 coffee dates lasting 6 hours? Oh, heck yeah you will run out of things to say. Dating should include doing things together that create a "history" between you and then you have new things to talk about. I find it odd that there have only been coffee dates. But even on "regular" dates, they should be shorter and spread out to create a little anxiousness to be together again and have things that go on in between dates in your life to talk about. Why is it that you're only doing coffee dates? That's weird and almost low interest in his part. Yeah, six hours seems like he likes you, but . . . Get out of texting so much too. He should be calling you at least once in a while too. This situation is very strange.
losangelena Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 In between dates, I find it hard to keep a text conversation interesting. I think interesting text conversations are difficult to generate in general. Even my most spirited text convos (with my gay bff) are basically compiled of a bunch of stupid memes and inside jokes—not exactly scintillating. Save the interesting conversations to have in-person. Don't worry about trying to generate interest over text, that's very hard to do, especially with a straight male (sorry for the generalization, straight men).
Author firefly1 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Haha yea we should do something else for a change. It's just convenient because we meet up for our hobby which is tennis and then afterwards we go nearby for some coffee and food. And we see each other Saturday and Sundays only. We will have coffee, then dinner, then dessert, then drinks... But yeah these are all sitting across the table dates. And he hasn't made a physical move on me yet but I'm pretty sure he likes me.
Vintage79 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 36 hours in coffee shops is about as boring as it gets - he's probably pretty lame, but after 36 hours in a coffee shop, I'd likely extend that to you as well, as you haven't proposed something else. I find that most people, in particular on early dates, are pretty amenable to new activities, so just go try anything and everything - it's usually pretty fun, even if you don't want to go do it again afterwards. At a minimum you get a few more things to talk about, check a few things off your list, etc. You don't need to have shared/common interests on day 1 - believe it or not, most people are capable of finding new interests...just give it a go. You've been out enough times, just ask him out and suggest something that you've been wanting to do, or that you like to do, and that you don't think he'd be literally terrified by.
Gaeta Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Haha yea we should do something else for a change. It's just convenient because we meet up for our hobby which is tennis and then afterwards we go nearby for some coffee and food. And we see each other Saturday and Sundays only. We will have coffee, then dinner, then dessert, then drinks... But yeah these are all sitting across the table dates. And he hasn't made a physical move on me yet but I'm pretty sure he likes me. Are you sure those are dates?? Six get together after tennis and NO moves I would not call this dating. You're just getting together after a hobby. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Haha yea we should do something else for a change. It's just convenient because we meet up for our hobby which is tennis and then afterwards we go nearby for some coffee and food. And we see each other Saturday and Sundays only. We will have coffee, then dinner, then dessert, then drinks... But yeah these are all sitting across the table dates. And he hasn't made a physical move on me yet but I'm pretty sure he likes me. Sorry to say this. But it seems like he thinks of you as his tennis buddy and nothing more. That's why he isn't pursuing you outside of tennis, why he isn't taking you out on actual dates, and why he hasn't escalated things physically. He simply likes playing tennis with you and unwinding with conversation after. To be honest, I'm actually shocked that you consider what has happened to be dating. Sounds like you're in denial because you like the guy and want there to be romance. However, my advice if you're not fine with just being tennis buddies, would be to either make your interest known or move on. 2
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