bakerjd1993 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) Hey guys So yeah. Was with the woman of my dreams for 5, to 6 years. From 2010, to 2015. Her being a Taurus, me being an Aries. Everything was great, until she started becoming 'on and off' with me throughout the relationship in the first year, this became the norm for us, because i didn't want to seem like a little dog, but at the same time, loved her enough to give her space to grow throughout. This time, (January) i think we've broken up for good. She cheated way too much, lied, but insisted she still loved me. She promised me she'd be the mother to my children, and promised me that she'd eventually move in next year after Uni. Its been months now, and im STILL not over her, and i dont think i even WANT to be. If that makes sense. Like every girl i've been with since then, has brought me CLOSER back to her emotionally, even though i haven't seen her, and im not with her. I just feel sick, i still feel like im betraying her. Haven't check facebook, but saw a picture of her a couple days ago and it made my stomuch churn, and brought back ALL Those feelings again! It was quite toxic, but when we were together lying next to each other, none of that mattered, we just 'got' each other. I literally know i want her, but i know she doesn't want me anymore because i pushed it over the edge this time. We pushed each other away towards the end because we knew we were changing, but i know for a fact that when i see her picture, or here her name, my heart still flutters, i still get nervous, i still have FEELINGS. How do i detach? I see quite black and white, and theres no grey for me. I would take her back in flash because at the end of the day, its unconditional for me, but in this situation, it seems like its unconditionally unrequited! So the question is : Have you ever gotten over your first love? I see marriage with this one, and still think of her as my girlfriend, and could never love another. What do i do? Move on or cling on? Is there a future with her? I see children still! Im defiantly a man, but when it comes to this stuff, i get overly soft and i hate it. Thanks Josh Edited May 13, 2015 by bakerjd1993
SLee Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 My first love dumped me after 3.5 years. I feel your pain. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. The first step is to get rid of all reminders, if you haven't already. Take all the pictures on your phone/computer and delete them. Take all the stuff around that reminds you of her and pack them away or get rid of them. It feels cruel and cold to do, trust me, but it'll help you heal. The only time reconciliation works, and it rarely does from what I've seen, is after like a year or more and both parties have completely moved on. There is no way nothing is going to work while you're still in pain, trust me. I learned that the hard way and it made everything so much worse for me. Stop thinking of her as your girlfriend. She's not. She's your ex. It sucks, but that's something we all need to except about our exes. Do things that are for and about you. Work/school, hobbies, friends, family, etc. Go out with friends and meet people, not even as romantic partners, just people in general to have in your life. Being where people are in general reminds you that there is a world outside of the ex. Write your feelings down either on paper or in a word document. Post them on LS. Vent to your friends/family. Make a list of everything that was wrong or that you didn't like about her. When my ex dumped me, I created this total idealized version of him that was perfect and infallible, when he really wasn't. I made a list about everything I didn't like in the relationship, the way he handled arguments, how he acted really juveniley sometimes, he got a haircut that thought looked awesome when it didn't, he chewed loud, etc. Some of it is completely petty, but reminding myself of anything and everything that annoyed me or I didn't like helped me realize that in no way was he perfect. You knew her for 5-6 years, surely there's at least a few things that got on your nerves or made you feel bad in how she treated you. Write them down. Think about the things you can do now that you're single. I get it, it's hard. It's the last thing I wanted to do when I was initially dumped, and even sometimes yet, but my friends kept pushing that. There is a kind of personal freedom. You aren't accountable to anyone anymore. You don't need to explain anything. You don't have to stay up late to work out an issue or a fight when you have to get up the next morning anymore. You don't need to glorify the "single life" but relish in some of the freedom you are getting. My mom gave me this advice: "You will feel differently in a year. Don't know how or what you'll feel, but you WILL feel differently." The same goes for you. 1
Ruby65 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Your first love isn't necessarily your best love. Lots of times it's your worst love, because you put up with so much more garbage and pain and nonsense. Don't worry, you can and will get over this girl. You guys got together way too young and she's not done playing the field yet. It's not time for her to commit to just one person for the rest of her life. I guarantee that when you have your next love it will feel EVERY BIT as incredible! That's what love is.... if it doesn't feel like the most incredible thing in the world, it isn't love. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com 1
Author bakerjd1993 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Thanks for the words Rubes. Yeah, like, shes still playing the field. Probably just getting ahead of myself WAY too much. Its just...urgh. Haha thank you anyway. Appreciate it.
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