Nineoak Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I will try to keep this as short as I can but please bear with me. I met a girl on a dating website a few months ago and we really hit it off from the very start. We had great conversation for a few days and then she eventually gave me her number. For the next couple of months we would have regular dates with weekly sleepover at each other houses. Things were going so perfect! A few weeks ago I had to leave town for two weeks on a trip for work. I left on a Sunday and she spent the Friday night before I left over at my house. We had a wonderful time as usual and had kind of a heart to heart talk about how much we liked each other. Deep down I had a concern that being away for two weeks might put a strain on the relationship and I even expressed that to her. She said it was only two weeks and it wouldn't be a problem. I went on my trip and things seemed to be going good for the first week. We kept up our usual texting routine and would talk about how hard it was not being able to see each other. About the middle of the second week is when I started noticing a problem. She seemed to be really distant all of a sudden. I tried to ignore it and we kept texting but not as much a usual. The entire time we were seeing each other she would never log into the dating site and neither would I. After being frustrated with the situation I decided to check the dating site to see if she was active again. I noticed that she had added two new pictures and my heart literally dropped. It was a clear sign that she had indeed lost interest in me. I sent her a text saying that I noticed she had been acting distant and if everything was ok with us and if not could it be worked out. She replied later that she was just really frustrated with work and I wasn't the only person to tell her that(she sent a photo of a text with her friend confirming that.) I was aware that work was really stressing her out lately but that didn't explain her activity on the dating site. I sent another text explaining that I still care for her and that I noticed she was back on the dating site. She replied that she had just merely got on the site to show it to her friend that had just broke up with her boyfriend. Now to throw in a curve ball. During our time together I got a suspicion that she has also dated girls in the past. I never really thought too hard about it because it never really mattered. I didnt notice it until she mentioned it but she had changed her profile to match with other girls. Since then the conversation has increased a little bit but it's still not as it was. She claims that she is still interested in seeing me but I cant keep acting as if everything is normal. I have a strong feeling she isn't telling the truth about her intentions on the dating site. Should I be upfront and just talk to her about how I feel about the whole situation? Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated!
jen1447 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Probably not being truthful, no, and you should just talk to her about how you feel, yes. Be aware that you may well provoke her into ending it, but that's better than lingering on as the afterthought person. Sounds like her attention's elsewhere. Sorry.
kayla73 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) Yes, you need to be upfront with her. Although the two of you don't seem to have a label on your relationship just yet, you have talked about your feelings for one another. Tell her that those feelings are still very true on your end. You'd like to take the next step (exclusive) soon, but are not sure where she stands due to her acting distant. Due to not being exclusive, the activity with her dating website is irrelevant. She can do what she wants. Is it a little disrespectful to you? Yes. She knew you'd see it, or maybe she didn't?? Edited May 13, 2015 by kayla73
ExpatInItaly Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I don't think she's being truthful, no. There's no reason she'd be updating her photos on a dating website if she weren't hoping to attract new attention. Since you're not exclusive with her, she is free to do so - however, she should have been honest with you. You really need to think about your own hopes with this girl and ask yourself if you want to take it further. If you do, talk to her and lay out what you're looking for. That's the only way you'll know if she wants the same things.
chantos Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 It's harder than ever to lock a girl down in 2015. You have to understand that it's way more entertaining/stimulating to a woman for her to be able to flirt with potentially hundreds of other attractive guys (and perhaps girls) online than it is to sit around waiting for you. That's the way things work now. So the very worst thing you can do is express fear like you did here: Deep down I had a concern that being away for two weeks might put a strain on the relationship and I even expressed that to her. She said it was only two weeks and it wouldn't be a problem. Why do this dude? Why express any fear? It's not attractive and obviously while she's sitting there with you having a great time she's not gonna go "Oh yeah you should be worried." So basically you're just shooting yourself in the foot and looking needy. Then you go on to make the rookie mistakes of calling her out when you noticed her profile had changed, telling her you noticed she's been a little distant lately, etc. All of those things are hurting your case, which is to be the most attractive suitor out of a long, long line of potential suitors. This is why I tell guys not to express their feelings for girls prematurely, and to never show any doubt or fear about a fledgling relationship, ever. If you're not exclusive then you definitely are competing against other guys, and the only way to lock her down is to be the most attractive guy, and the most attractive guy is the guy who couldn't care less if a 2 month fling goes south because he's self confident and knows another woman is right around the corner.
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