How hard is it to REALLY find a new man that's great for an older woman?

[understand50]

I think another thing to consider is that guys in a good long term relationship, know other women in good long term relationships, and will have friendship between couples. I do not mean PA or EA, but friendships that have grown over a life time. When both become single they tend to go to each other, as they share a past and are "safe" together. I have seen this in my group, as older marriages end. Mostly due to being widowed sometime in divorce, the surviving partners have come together. I know one good friend that his wife asked her best friend to "take" care of her H, as she was dying. Speaking for myself, my wife and I are in good health, but if she were to pass, if I could think of getting married again, I would reach out to those women who I knew and trusted. My father was same, he married a good friend of my step mother, after she passed.

 

If you are a person, who has not gone from person to person, who can and did build a good LTR, who did not screw over everyone they met, you are going to be in a group with similar values, and be able to meet someone who shares the same values. So if you are looking for a good older man, you need to look where they are. Keep in mind, that family and friends are going to be a huge thing for them, and you will have to win them over as well. My Great Grandfather, died with is new second wife in a hotel fire on their wedding day. He was 87, she 70, tragic, in that they were not able to have a wedded life, but they were together. This happened in the 1920s.

398422

[salparadise]

IMO, this is due to an excess of men compared to women in nearly all age groups and especially the 'middle-aged' (40's-50's). Where there is excess, there is demand for the gender in short supply...

 

This may be your perception, or even a widely held perception, but empirical data does not support it. As I quoted before, census data shows less than 3 percent difference nationally and in each age group (5 year sections from 40-59) women outnumber men slightly, with increasing disparity correlating approx. with increased age. In the 55-59 age group the disparity is 4 percent. In the 40-44 group the difference is 1 percent.

 

I think our perceptions are mostly consistent with our experience, and in dating that means we don't even factor in segments of the population that are deemed "undatable." That probably means something different to men and women, and for each individual.

 

I still think it's mostly about rigid notions of what we deserve or what we will accept, and an ever increasing predisposition to focus on people's flaws and eliminate them quickly before they can burn you... rather than focusing on their inherent value as people, the unique gifts of each individual, and seeing everyone as a collection of both positive and negative traits, joy and suffering and usually with some scars to prove it if they're bold enough to have take a few risks along the way.

[carhill]

It's 53 men to 47 women in my local census area in my age group, so twice the average you quoted. Of course, that's self-reported or what the census takers can glean and this is a relatively rural census area with no large cities. This is why I consistently mention 'my demographic' in responses on this forum since people's demographics vary widely

[Gloria25]

Gosh, you guys must have radar or NSA tapping into my head or something...

 

Anywho, I was contemplating that like a day or so ago...

 

I feel like I'm in a "sandwich" age...where I'm more active than guys who want women in my age group (older guys) - yet I'm too old to date guys younger than me.

 

Yep, most guys in my age bracket either are in bad marriages and are sticking it out cuz of the kids and/or they're just to tired/don't care to pursue anything.

 

Then, some of them are looking for a step-mom cuz they are coming out of divorces...worst, some of them want to re-marry and/or have more kids.

 

And, some of them may be marrying a bit later in life and want kids.

 

I don't know what to do. Guys that are older than me, like 50s LOOK 50 or older. They have pot bellies, are balding and aren't doing anything with themselves. Of the few that are active, they seem to be players.

 

And dating younger? I've considered it at times, but eh, not sure.

 

So, what to do!?!

[preraph]

I'm 62. I don't even try to date. I tried it a little at about 50 when I was actually still attracting younger guys until they found out how old I was. Can't blame them either. Middle aged guys still have all eyes on younger women. I've never dated older except one old flame and I did go out with him during that time, but we were long distance and he's still not able to do intimacy. And he was still gawking very young women too and worked on campus, so... I knew it was hopeless. On the plus side, he still looked great.

 

Most people actually get more neurotic and their bad habits get worse as they get older. I would say this is especially true of old guys who have been divorced. Postdivorce, they may start drinking too much or that sort of thing.

 

As you know, the statistics is that the more the marriages, the less chance of it surviving. But there are some isolated instances when a man or woman grows up a bit after their first divorce and may improve a bit. I don't think that's the norm though.

 

Your best hope is being very active going out doing things you love where you might meet men and have a chance to interact and just see if you can find one that's hitting on you who isn't already married. Good luck with that.

[OldRover]

Well Rover, I must seem really old to you.... 67.

 

Widowed for 6 years now and have had enough coffee dates to sink the navy

 

I never dreamed there would be so many dead heads out there. If they have never been married, they don't know anything about relationships.They think a coffee and a roll in the hay is a relationship. If they have been divorced, they often keep holding onto the baggage and end up in financial straits. The list goes on and on.

 

I'm really done with dating. I have two dogs and a bird. They are much nicer than many of the men I have been out with.

 

I am not saying all men are like that, just the ones I have met in the last 6 years.

 

I hope you get over your break up with the lady. You sound like a nice decent man... where do you live again??? LOL

 

Poppy.

 

Poppy,

 

No, you're not old at all, we are close to the same age. The breakup with the other lady is over, but still working on permanent healing, which will probably take several months..... thx for asking. She was a wonderful lady with some serious red flags that I ignored that cost me a lot of pain.

 

I got into the dating scene for a bit, and while there were plenty of women, I found no one that I was interested in... a total waste of time, so my dating didn't last long but the ratio was definitely on my side. I'm with a lady now that has been very understanding and I've known for a long time. She is not a "rebound". for me, hope it will be long term. She is attractive, good shape, very intelligent, stable and financially ok, and didn't get one date offer over the last year, but didn't actively pursue much, either.

 

I belong to a club with a lot of over 50 folks, and a ton of single, good looking women in the over 50 and over 60 range.....that are still looking for someone. Some of them have dated seriously for awhile, even married (and divorced), but most are still single and looking. The attractive men (which are smaller numbers by a lot) are either taken or take the pick of the crop often with women much younger. A lot of the older guys are nice, but not fit, unattractive, just looking for money, or have major problems (physical and otherwise).

[OldRover]

I seriously doubt that the ratio is anywhere even close to 10:1. Of course if you're only comparing men who meet or exceed your expectations to the total number of females then it might be 1000:1... it would depend on the expectations, wouldn't it?

 

In the US, according to the 2010 census, the difference in numbers of males and females in their 40s and 50s is less than 3 percent.

 

..........

 

Salparadise,

 

Ya, you're right on the stats, overall, but in my area (Florida) the over fifty crowd has more women by 10% or more as one gets older. Then factor in that a lot of older men are looking for younger women and a lot of them end up with problems (health, etc.) sooner than the women. This offers the ladies a lot less choice.

[salparadise]

Salparadise,

 

Ya, you're right on the stats, overall, but in my area (Florida) the over fifty crowd has more women by 10% or more as one gets older. Then factor in that a lot of older men are looking for younger women and a lot of them end up with problems (health, etc.) sooner than the women. This offers the ladies a lot less choice.

 

Yea, I was careful about the stats, and you did specify 40s and 50s, did you not? Of course it's going to vary by age and geographic area. You said in the original post it was 10 to 1, men to women, so I thought you meant 10X more men, and I know the ratios don't approach even in the 100+ category.

 

There is a skewed ratio in some sections NYC which was discussed on a thread a few months ago. Young, educated women move into the Manhattan area for career opportunities in far greater numbers than men. So the ratio there is said to be as large as 5:1, women to men. I was informed of this by my then NY girlfriend when I asked why she was interested in a man from the south when she had all of this NYC slickers up there to choose from. She said the NYC guys are dating different women every week.

 

I seem to be reaping some benefits from shifting demographics. I've posted before that I've become almost as picky as the women. I was sort of joking, but there is also truth to it. The bottom line is that I'm not going to jump through hoops or put up with a whiny, grumpy woman who can't be pleased. If she doesn't know how to wake up every morning with a smile on her face, thankful for another day of health on the green earth... and a kind word for all of those who cross her path... well then, what's the point?

[ascendotum]

I chatted and met a LOT of men of all ages since I started dating again and it's been a very eye-opening experience to say the least. The ones I assumed would be good for me, were often not and the ones I didn't, were a much better fit than expected.

 

What was the difference between the 2 groups?

Not post dating as it is clear the ones you didn't think were going to be good treated you better, but in terms of early dating selection and what was different about the guys you assumed would be the better ones but disappointed.

[anika99]

Depending on the age range you're looking at, you might find that many of the "taken" group are stuck with partners who have seriously let themselves go, b come complacent towards their partner and treat them as some kind of accessory rather than an agentic person with their own dreams, hopes, etc - which may have been thwarted by the minutiae a of suburban domesticity and parenthood. These people are ripe for the prospect of upgrading, and a chance to reconnect with their essence.

 

You mean date married men who are waiting for another woman to come and rescue them from their lousy marriage? Ugh. I wouldn't touch one of those with a 10 foot pole either. If you're not man enough to end your marriage without using another woman as a soft landing, then you're not good relationship material. Besides why the hell would anyone want to sign up for that kind of drama? I don't need that bullsh*t in my life either.

[Phoenician]

Rollover ,

First nobody is really old to have love , intimacy and happiness.

My wife in her thirties is older than my neighbour in her sixties.

 

I believe you just need t change your spectrum , especially about demographic / origins , try to open up for more races and ppl .

 

and one more thing , if you are looking for a good men , you won't find him in a place were majority are not ...