thecharade Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Am I crazy? (Most likely.) How do you feel when you find out a current love interest was once with/hooking up with/interested in someone you have zero respect for (as in: beneath you)??? Does it alter (or kill) your feelings for the current love? Ugh. This is my current situation, and I am affected!!!! Just grossed out! 1
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I think it would bother me & I'd ask a few Qs. Perhaps I would hopefully learn that my new flame's taste & expectations have improved over the years. It would make me wonder how the same person could like her & me, if I viewed us as being so different. 1
carhill Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I ran into this issue with a few women and I think the outcome turned upon a couple of parameters: One, I don't see people as 'beneath me', rather I may not agree with their lifestyle choices and wouldn't associate with them, this being normal on a planet with billions of people. As humans, we're equals. Two, I saw their past associations as their past associations. Time gone by. Choices made. Were lessons learned? That remained to be found out. In some cases, yes; in others, no. Some interactions proceeded and others did not but that was predicated upon the now, not the past, though the past was respected as pertinent information. 1
Hawaii51 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 That exact thing is happening right now. All our mutual friends are scratching their head and apologizing for her. I find it laughable and one of the exact reasons I left her. She didn't love me she loved the idea of me. 2 yr relationship that ended about 8 months ago. I'm still not really ready to commit for my own reasons and am happy with all the things I've done this year on my own. Her... she was in a relationship after 3 months with this old acquaintance who barely has his eyes open. his last name begins with Crap and he has two daughters from his past relationship... I don't get it, but I'm happy not to be apart of it anymore. 1
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) Am I crazy? (Most likely.) How do you feel when you find out a current love interest was once with/hooking up with/interested in someone you have zero respect for (as in: beneath you)??? Does it alter (or kill) your feelings for the current love? Ugh. This is my current situation, and I am affected!!!! Just grossed out! I hear you. I have felt that way many times. I find it really insulting when a guy I thought I really loved or respected goes from me to someone I think is really messed up in some way, and I've had it happen enough times to have to admit that some of my bfs just didn't have very good taste in women and just got lucky they had enough sense to like me. Two of my bfs have gone on to marry total psychos. One didn't last long. But she ended up in prison for id theft and fraud. The other is still married and you'd just have to see her to get it. I have a photo of her when she's about 55 skipping in her front yard, up teetering on one foot. She looks kind of like an obese Baby Jane from the old Bette Davis movie, that crazy looking, the scene on the beach, her really bad overbleached shortish hair sticking out all over the place and dressed crazy. I've seen her at music things where she looked like someone's hillbilly grandmother. She never fixes her hair. She usually just pins it up in a tiny topknot, no makeup, horrible clothes. And she's a compulsive collector of these little handicrafts which are all over the house, every surface covered. I really don't get it. But I don't want him back except as a friend, so whatever floats his boat. I heard a decade or so back they were trying to do some swinging singles thing, too. Can't imagine that went very well. As for the guy with the ex in prison, I know him very well and he has really hurt me any number of times and after I finally get far enough away from it to look back on it dispassionately, I just believe he has zero insight into people and just looks at surface things. By that, I don't mean just looks because he isn't too much that way, but just if they're nice to him, he thinks they're nice. He never sees any ulterior motives and that goes for men and women alike. Currently he's letting the guy who stole his psycho from him decades ago poke his nose back into his life, and I've cautioned him about it, but he says "Oh, he's harmless." I had a big problem with him befriending a user at work who was just a climber and a liar, and because she sucked up to him, he just acted like he couldn't see what everyone else saw. I genuinely now believe he is just that naive and just has no insight. Edited May 13, 2015 by preraph 1
Author thecharade Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Well, thank you. I felt absolutely superficial and silly, but your choices reflect on me??? Lol. But, they do. People keep saying, "Uh, do you realize he went out with ______?" Ick! Yes, I realize. I just don't know what to think. Processing.
preraph Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Don't let it reflect on you. I mean, it is something to ponder, and it gives you insight maybe into him and you should at least examine yourself if this keeps happening, but other than that, his reasons for being with her are probably just outside any reasons you might have for trying to have a relationship with someone, and it shouldn't reflect on you. One of the guys I loved (try to keep this short), would go home with these scuzzy drunk short not-put-together blonds. And he was constantly over at my place, but wasn't sleeping with me, and it was very hard to understand and went on a long time. His answers about it would be vague, but yet it was clear he was jealous of me a lot and he would move in if someone else moved in. So I really didn't understand this "type" he was sleeping with, so immature and really scuzzy and was just baffled. Well, didn't know the whole answer until a decade later, but he had an incident of sexual abuse when young that left him with impotence problems. I am a real strong person, and it can be intimidating to a lot of guys, and in order for him to perform, it had to be with someone he just didn't give a crap if he had a failure with, someone too drunk to remember it, too. So you never know what their reasons are. I thought it was me that whole time and it really eroded me. But it was him. 1
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