chelsey Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I'm an 28 year old highly functioning autistic woman. I can usually pass as normal but kinda of nerdy, awkward, shy and quirky. Luckily guys seem to think that it's cute, but the longer I'm with someone the more my autism begins to affect things. Should I tell people I'm autistic? I have a new boyfriend and we haven't had any fights yet, but i'm awful at fights and I suck at knowing if someone is upset, it just flys over my head. Nothing makes people go from mad to furious faster, and that just makes me freak out with fear. It's not that I don't care, I just don't know...I also do dumb stubborn things once in a while that seem to go against people's view of me as a smart sensitive person. I really feel like Jane Goodall among my own kind, and people always ask if i like big bang theory and i hate that because i'm actually a lot like that dude. my boyfriend used to be a counselor and has had psychology training (substance abuse) but not in this area so I was kind of hoping he'd figure it out on his own. We're moving past the infatuation stage and into the real relationship stage so i don't know if i should tell him or just keep passing for normal?
alphamale Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 might as well tell him cause he will find out sooner or later
Author chelsey Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 he didn't believe me, no one does. oh well, now he's aware. if anythin now he thinks i'm a genius.
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Ask him to study High-Functioning Autism, because most HFA individuals are bordering geniuses - but they have other traits people simply don't understand 'come with the package'. I used to have a neighbour whose son was a HFA, and he would come and sit in my front garden, staring at my front door until either I came out to speak with him, or his mum came and retrieved him. I didn't notice one day that his mum was out, his dad was dozing in front of the TV, oblivious, and he had been sat in my garden, for about an hour. And we'd had the most torrential rain we had had, in weeks. He was soaked. But all he wanted to ask me was whether he could borrow a particular record I happened to have, that he loved.... He thought absolutely nothing of getting utterly soaked to the skin, while waiting to ask. And he would never knock at the door. (He hated the sound of our knocker, and... no bell...) Otherwise, nobody would have known in any way that he had Autism.
Author chelsey Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 Ask him to study High-Functioning Autism, because most HFA individuals are bordering geniuses - but they have other traits people simply don't understand 'come with the package'. I used to have a neighbour whose son was a HFA, and he would come and sit in my front garden, staring at my front door until either I came out to speak with him, or his mum came and retrieved him. I didn't notice one day that his mum was out, his dad was dozing in front of the TV, oblivious, and he had been sat in my garden, for about an hour. And we'd had the most torrential rain we had had, in weeks. He was soaked. But all he wanted to ask me was whether he could borrow a particular record I happened to have, that he loved.... He thought absolutely nothing of getting utterly soaked to the skin, while waiting to ask. And he would never knock at the door. (He hated the sound of our knocker, and... no bell...) Otherwise, nobody would have known in any way that he had Autism. i did the same thing with sitting out in the sun, got a really bad burn he said "you're scientist with higher than normal intelligence but you didn't put on sunscreen???" smart people can be total idiots sometimes.
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Their minds are so expanded with geniusness, that they don't have room for stupid trivial stuff...like...common sense, for example...!
writergal Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Chelsey, do you have Asperger's Syndrome? HFA (higher functioning autism) overlaps with Asperger's as far as the traits. What is your official diagnosis? Did you have supportive parents? Did they encourage you to share your autism diagnosis with friends and romantic partners? The best way to handle your situation is to be honest with your boyfriend, since the relationship is progressing past the infatuation "honeymoon" phase. Going forward, it will help your boyfriend to know that you are HFA or have Asperger's Syndrome, so that he can 1) be a great boyfriend for you and 2) help you learn to negotiate social situations with less anxiety. And really, you have no reason to hide who you are. If you want to find true love, you have to let people in. You have to let people see the real you. Otherwise, your shame about your autism diagnosis will teach people to treat you with kid-gloves. But if you have confidence in yourself, then others will have confidence in you. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 writergal, she's told him. he doesn't believe her.
Author chelsey Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 Their minds are so expanded with geniusness, that they don't have room for stupid trivial stuff...like...common sense, for example...! yeah i can explain the physics of why UV rays damage DNA, but i'm not bothered to protect my skin from them. the important DNA (eggs) are too far from the skin to be bothered. i'm always inspecting my skin and melanoma is one of the most treatable cancers and.... ok yeah he'll get it eventually.
writergal Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 writergal, she's told him. he doesn't believe her. Ah. Well then he's not a good boyfriend for you OP. Why are you dating someone who questions your autism diagnosis?
Author chelsey Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 Chelsey, do you have Asperger's Syndrome? HFA (higher functioning autism) overlaps with Asperger's as far as the traits. What is your official diagnosis? Did you have supportive parents? Did they encourage you to share your autism diagnosis with friends and romantic partners? The best way to handle your situation is to be honest with your boyfriend, since the relationship is progressing past the infatuation "honeymoon" phase. Going forward, it will help your boyfriend to know that you are HFA or have Asperger's Syndrome, so that he can 1) be a great boyfriend for you and 2) help you learn to negotiate social situations with less anxiety. And really, you have no reason to hide who you are. If you want to find true love, you have to let people in. You have to let people see the real you. Otherwise, your shame about your autism diagnosis will teach people to treat you with kid-gloves. But if you have confidence in yourself, then others will have confidence in you. I found out recently in my 20s though i now realize the signs were always there. My therapist simply says i'm "on the spectrum" since it's not her specialty. she's been very helpful in explaining "normal" thoughts and behaviors though. I have more support from friends that are similar. one of my friends with an autistic wife is basically my "is this normal?" interpreter. Everything is an experiment with me so I'll just keep up with my normie interpreter. i don't want to be treated wit kid gloves i just need emotional things explained more directly than most people. at least now he's aware so if i ever miss a cue he's pissed off i can say "Well i warned you I was autistic... so tell me about it"
Author chelsey Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 Ah. Well then he's not a good boyfriend for you OP. Why are you dating someone who questions your autism diagnosis? he used to be a therapist (addiction) so he's used to dealing with people with more major issues. i think he equates autism with being smart he said he doesn't judge me. i suppose now i'm just happy with him being aware of it, he'll see th signs later, and hopefully it will connect rather than me seeming like a cold b*tch.
writergal Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 (edited) I found out recently in my 20s though i now realize the signs were always there. My therapist simply says i'm "on the spectrum" since it's not her specialty. she's been very helpful in explaining "normal" thoughts and behaviors though. I have more support from friends that are similar. one of my friends with an autistic wife is basically my "is this normal?" interpreter. Everything is an experiment with me so I'll just keep up with my normie interpreter. i don't want to be treated wit kid gloves i just need emotional things explained more directly than most people. at least now he's aware so if i ever miss a cue he's pissed off i can say "Well i warned you I was autistic... so tell me about it" Hmm...so you don't have an official diagnosis? What do you see your current therapist for? If she is not a certified autism specialist, and just a licensed counselor then I think you owe it to yourself to get an official diagnosis. For your therapist to throw around "HFA" without having a background in it, could mean malpractice. If it's just her opinion, why on earth would you believe her without seeking out someone who is qualified to diagnose you as autistic? Surely, even your boyfriend would agree that your therapist's "opinion" that you're autistic is unethical. Now I can see why your boyfriend doesn't believe you. You don't have an official diagnosis; all you have is the opinion if an unqualified therapist that you see for whatever reason. Please go see a certified autism specialist for an official diagnosis. Then you will know if you are autistic or not. Edited May 16, 2015 by writergal
Recommended Posts