Heartbroken12416 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Hey everybody!. So I need some help with a situation I'm currently in. I'm trying not to over react and think things that may not be true, so that's why I need some help . Here's what's going on.... So probably about 8 months ago or so, I started talking to a guy on a dating site. It was nothing more than sending messages back and forth on there, but a few months ago, I felt comfortable enough to give him my number and we have been chatting every day since. 98% of the time, he was always the one initiating texts....and we would talk every single day without fail. So about 2 months ago, we went out on our first date. Things went very well, it was very casual and we just went for a walk. We continued chatting every day, and we met up for just a casual hangout again a couple weeks later. He was talking about what he wants in the future, etc.... and things seemed to be going very well. So very recently (a couple weeks ago), we met out for another date. We had SO much fun!....and he paid for everything that night. We even had our first kiss.....things couldn't have been more perfect!. At the end of the night, when we parted ways, we kissed (not make-out) and he told me to text him when he got home, so I did and we chatted for a bit longer and he said we had to get together soon.... Now I should mention that nothing sexual was done on that date!. So over the course of the last few weeks, we have still chatted a lot, but it has only been a couple times with him initiating. Now I'm always the one initiating the conversation and usually they don't last very long and it seems like we run out of things to say. So anyway, we chatted last night for a bit. I sent him a text and he seemed happy to hear from me so I was ecstatic!. We chatted for a while, and I asked if he'd be interested in hanging out tonight. He told me maybe and then we ended the conversation after that. So today, I have not heard from him at all.....and it's driving me nuts. I don't want to always be the one to text him first cause I want to know things are mutual. But I'm not getting the feeling that they are anymore... I want to believe that he's not that type of guy that would just change his mind like that....but I really don't know :/. He likes things of mine on FB all the time, and he always responds pretty quickly when I text him....but idk I just don't want to continue texting him if he's found somebody else, or decided he wasn't interested in me anymore, or whatever it could be. What should I do in this situation?. I've kind of made the decision to not text him and wait till he texts me next, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do.... Any help would be greatly appreciated!
jen1447 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Depends on what's really going on I suppose. So you should maybe find that out. I'd try to get your emotions in check first tho. It's just good practice (easier said than done I know), reason being that if he is fading, an air of desperation would come thru very clearly if you were giving it off and it would probably put him off more. Maybe give it a couple days, and if he doesn't reach out, text him sth like "hey, haven't heard from you in a bit. Everything ok?" No one's irreplaceable, so just be cool girl.
cessna Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I learnt this the hard way but back off with the talking every day. As others will tell you use the phone to touch base and set up dates. Talking everyday will kill it, I know because I used to be the one texting everyday with girls I liked and they all went off me in time. You've known each other for 8 months and by the sounds of thing have only met up a handful of times.
stillafool Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Me thinks he didn't feel anything when you kissed and that ended his attraction. When you like someone and it's your first kiss make sure he feels it all the way down to his toes.
Author Heartbroken12416 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Thanks for your responses!. I'll go into each one... Depends on what's really going on I suppose. So you should maybe find that out. I'd try to get your emotions in check first tho. It's just good practice (easier said than done I know), reason being that if he is fading, an air of desperation would come thru very clearly if you were giving it off and it would probably put him off more. Maybe give it a couple days, and if he doesn't reach out, text him sth like "hey, haven't heard from you in a bit. Everything ok?" No one's irreplaceable, so just be cool girl. I def agree a lot with this. I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but tbh I think I am going to wait a few days and see what happens and then go from there. But I also def agree with getting my emotions in check because the last thing I want to do is sound clingy and desperate to him. Thanks for your help I learnt this the hard way but back off with the talking every day. As others will tell you use the phone to touch base and set up dates. Talking everyday will kill it, I know because I used to be the one texting everyday with girls I liked and they all went off me in time. You've known each other for 8 months and by the sounds of thing have only met up a handful of times. Yeah I agree. I think the texting every day may have been too much. I still haven't heard from him and actually kept my word and haven't texted him all day either. Guess I just gotta play it by ear now and see what happens. Thanks for your help Me thinks he didn't feel anything when you kissed and that ended his attraction. When you like someone and it's your first kiss make sure he feels it all the way down to his toes. I can def see why you would think that. Part of me is thinking the same thing. I'm not quite sure if that is the issue though as when we have texted (even though I initiated it), he has mentioned getting together again....numerous times actually. And when I texted him yesterday, he seemed excited to hear from me. So I'm not really too sure if this is the cause, but it's something to keep in the back of my mind for sure. Thanks for your help I guess I'm just worried that I'm a back up plan. That maybe he's seeing what else is out there, and if nothing better comes along, he'll come back to me. That's what I'm getting tbh. Now I could be completely wrong though. Guess I'll find out in a few days....
kayla73 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Wait this out, and let him text you. Be cautious until you figure out the lack of communication on his end. In my opinion, I don't think he is interested anymore. A guy will always make time for the girl he likes, no matter how busy he is.
Author Heartbroken12416 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) Wait this out, and let him text you. Be cautious until you figure out the lack of communication on his end. In my opinion, I don't think he is interested anymore. A guy will always make time for the girl he likes, no matter how busy he is. Yeah I'm def gonna. I'll be honest, I think he's keeping his options open. It's like he's telling me he wants to get together again, but not making an effort to do so, he's still responding to me when I text him....so I really feel like I'm a back up plan. Like if nothing better comes along, he still has me, but if something better DOES come along, he'll drop me faster than I can blink. That's def the feeling that I'm getting with this one. Like I said though, I can be completely wrong!. Maybe as you said, he's not interested anymore at all and he's just trying to be nice. I'm hoping I'll get a text from him today, but I'm not expecting one. Oh well.... I just really don't get why guys lose interest like this. Why they come on so strong at first, and then as soon as the girl becomes interested in them, they back off. It's very frustrating!. I mean I thought everything went well. The last date, we spent hours together, he was hinting and coming straight out and saying he was having a great time, he did the gentleman thing and told me to text him when I got home, and now apparently sometime between the time that we parted ways, he lost interest. I just don't get it... Like I said there was nothing sexual on the date, so it couldn't be that he just wanted a booty call.... Idk I'm just lost. Edited May 13, 2015 by Heartbroken12416
Redhead14 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Hey everybody!. So I need some help with a situation I'm currently in. I'm trying not to over react and think things that may not be true, so that's why I need some help . Here's what's going on.... So probably about 8 months ago or so, I started talking to a guy on a dating site. It was nothing more than sending messages back and forth on there, but a few months ago, I felt comfortable enough to give him my number and we have been chatting every day since. 98% of the time, he was always the one initiating texts....and we would talk every single day without fail. So about 2 months ago, we went out on our first date. Things went very well, it was very casual and we just went for a walk. We continued chatting every day, and we met up for just a casual hangout again a couple weeks later. He was talking about what he wants in the future, etc.... and things seemed to be going very well. So very recently (a couple weeks ago), we met out for another date. We had SO much fun!....and he paid for everything that night. We even had our first kiss.....things couldn't have been more perfect!. At the end of the night, when we parted ways, we kissed (not make-out) and he told me to text him when he got home, so I did and we chatted for a bit longer and he said we had to get together soon.... Now I should mention that nothing sexual was done on that date!. So over the course of the last few weeks, we have still chatted a lot, but it has only been a couple times with him initiating. Now I'm always the one initiating the conversation and usually they don't last very long and it seems like we run out of things to say. So anyway, we chatted last night for a bit. I sent him a text and he seemed happy to hear from me so I was ecstatic!. We chatted for a while, and I asked if he'd be interested in hanging out tonight. He told me maybe and then we ended the conversation after that. So today, I have not heard from him at all.....and it's driving me nuts. I don't want to always be the one to text him first cause I want to know things are mutual. But I'm not getting the feeling that they are anymore... I want to believe that he's not that type of guy that would just change his mind like that....but I really don't know :/. He likes things of mine on FB all the time, and he always responds pretty quickly when I text him....but idk I just don't want to continue texting him if he's found somebody else, or decided he wasn't interested in me anymore, or whatever it could be. What should I do in this situation?. I've kind of made the decision to not text him and wait till he texts me next, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do.... Any help would be greatly appreciated! I don't want to always be the one to text him first cause I want to know things are mutual. -- Initiating should be balanced and preferably the man goes first. Since you've done so much initiating, you're right to leave it to him now. And, if he contacts you tonight or tomorrow, respond in a balanced way, you be the first to end the conversation and then let him be the first to contact you again. When/if he becomes consistent with initiating contact AND dates, you'll know what his interest level is. For now, I wouldn't spend any energy fretting or worrying about it. He KNOWS you're interested now because you've initiated, but you don't know if he's interested still. want to believe that he's not that type of guy that would just change his mind like that -- There isn't a type that changes their mind . . . it just happens. Either the are interested and keep pursuing or they are only half interested and pursue less or they simply aren't interested anymore and fade away. And, have you never dated someone a couple of times and started to or lost interest and didn't keep contact? It happens all the time. Just because someone dates you a couple of times doesn't mean they are locked down.
El Pallasso Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 You met a gift online and it took you 6 months to go out on a date with him? Jesus Christ. You guys spent all that time constantly texting on the phone EVERY DAY. Well, no wonder he doesn't have much to say anymore. You guys have exhausted almost everything there is to talk about. Texting and calling should only be used strictly for setting up dates, confirming the logistics. Stop holding heart to heart over phone. Reserve that for months into the relationship. People shouldn't be talking about the future when they haven't even spent significant amount of time together. Now you're getting desperate that you're asking him to hang out with you that same night. Ever thought that he could already have something planned? Anyway, drop the phone conversations and start hanging out with him more. Maybe ask him if you can come over to his place this weekend. Be more direct.
Recommended Posts