Leigh 87 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Look, I'm sure this guy at least enjoys your company. I'm sure many men who have a relationship of convenience DO grow very attached.......... My ex who was never in love with me, and had a relationship of convenience with me, DID love me. He loved me as a person. He grew to Love me. He was never in love though. He just loved me as a friend who he shagged. After me, he got with the " one", the woman who knocked his socks off. I'm sure this guy has grown very fond of you. He is definately not head over he's, madly in love with you though. Which a man should be within six months. IF he is majorly falling for you in a big way When a man meets a woman who he's smitten with and he falls hard for, he moved faster than this. His mates all know he's serious about u... He starts talking about a future six months in....men who fall hard tend to fall in love within a few months..... Guys like Your " boyfriend " DO tend to get serious. At some point. Most men who have relationships of convenience, only do so until they meet the woman they're truly into.........or some men just coast along in relationships with women they're not that into because they aren't ready for commitment. Everyone told ME that my ex just wasn't that into me. In real life AND on love shack..... When your partners mates tell you anything other than " yes he's serious " about you....RUN.
Redhead14 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Thank you MissBee for your input. I just wanted to re-post the above since the thread has increased by a page. I am about to go to sleep (he's in the shower) and my mind is all confused. I honestly don't know what to think about this new situation. I haven't told him anything besides I need a bit of time to decide. I am going to sleep on it. I mean, our relationship got off to a rocky start but a part of me hopes those days are behind us. But you always hear that a person's past is a sure predictor of the future and that good relationships start off GOOD. Does anyone else have opinions about this moving in intention? Maybe also a guy's point of view? I do not recommend living together unless you become engaged. When you are engaged, living together, would be part of the package. The engagement/living together arrangement is the stage prior to marriage to work on, evaluate how well you "live together", and iron out potential "last minute" issues you may discover. Living together is not a solution or bridge to improving a relationship. This is the last thing you should do with this man. You tell him you wanted a committed relationship that leads to marriage and that, unless he intends to marry you at some point and is supported by an engagement ring, living together is not an option. While you are telling him this, you should also tell him you are moving on from the relationship. Does anyone else have opinions about this moving in intention? -- this is something you should ask him straight up. Any answer that is less than indicative of wanting a committed relationship, is less than indicative of wanting a committed relationship PERIOD. If you are asking this question, it means you didn't have effective communication about the subject and/or that you don't trust whatever he's said. If there isn't trust, there isn't a relationship. I'd say that poor communication all along has been the issue here. And, maybe not poor communication, but poor ability to accept what was heard and/or observed. 1
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) aurorest, also keep in mind the reason he may have latched on to you is because, since he has NO job, and thus no regular source of income, his confidence is low right now. Once he gets back on his feet, both professionally and financially, his confidence will increase, it is more than possible he will once again go back to his old ways...cheating, etc. The only reason he is faithful now is *not* because he wants to be, but because his current situation (no job, no regular source of income) forces him to be. Something to consider anyway... Edited May 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Clarify intended response 1
minime13 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Does anyone else have opinions about this moving in intention? -- this is something you should ask him straight up. Any answer that is less than indicative of wanting a committed relationship, is less than indicative of wanting a committed relationship PERIOD. Even with the lack of detail about how this came up, it seems sketchy. The sparse details given are not promising and it sounds like he wants a roommate to help with finances. More details are needed, in my opinion, to really assess, but it really sounds like neither are ready to move forward with so many questions. 1
MissBee Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 Thank you MissBee for your input. I just wanted to re-post the above since the thread has increased by a page. I am about to go to sleep (he's in the shower) and my mind is all confused. I honestly don't know what to think about this new situation. I haven't told him anything besides I need a bit of time to decide. I am going to sleep on it. I mean, our relationship got off to a rocky start but a part of me hopes those days are behind us. But you always hear that a person's past is a sure predictor of the future and that good relationships start off GOOD. Does anyone else have opinions about this moving in intention? Maybe also a guy's point of view? Why don't you just ask him? At the end of the day none of us, even guys, are him, and the best answers will come from you asking him and telling him how you feel. The best relationships are where couples actually talk to each other and don't fear being honest and transparent. The fact that you can't do this is the biggest indicator more than even anything else. If you can't have a conversation stating your concerns and asking about the future you don't need to move in with someone or even be with them.
Author aurorest Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 aurorest, also keep in mind the reason he may have latched on to you is because, since he has NO job, and thus no regular source of income, his confidence is low right now. Once he gets back on his feet, both professionally and financially, his confidence will increase, it is more than possible he will once again go back to his old ways...cheating, etc. The only reason he is faithful now is *not* because he wants to be, but because his current situation (no job, no regular source of income) forces him to be. Something to consider anyway... This makes a lot of sense actually... I have no doubt like Leigh87 said, that my bf likes me. He never let his past gfs into his partying and drinking/drugs life so I must be more important than anyone else in his past. Sometimes I feel like the girl on his arm or something, like I'm a big confidence/ego booster. So if the only reason he's being faithful now is because he has to be, wouldn't he not be happy? Why don't you just ask him? At the end of the day none of us, even guys, are him, and the best answers will come from you asking him and telling him how you feel. The best relationships are where couples actually talk to each other and don't fear being honest and transparent. The fact that you can't do this is the biggest indicator more than even anything else. If you can't have a conversation stating your concerns and asking about the future you don't need to move in with someone or even be with them. It's just that we are both very sensitive to the atmosphere of conversations like that and it gets tense...He did say he liked me and even though he's never had a gf move in with him, he says why not if we're together and see where it goes. I asked him what he was looking for and he said "the one." Is this a whole bunch of BS? I told him I need a little time to decide. It seems like no one here thinks he's up to any good. And if I think anything, it's about his shady past with other girls. I can't rule out the fact that he could have changed his priorities, though. I feel vaguely stupid for not being sure about this.
minime13 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 It's just that we are both very sensitive to the atmosphere of conversations like that and it gets tense...He did say he liked me and even though he's never had a gf move in with him, he says why not if we're together and see where it goes. I asked him what he was looking for and he said "the one." Is this a whole bunch of BS? I told him I need a little time to decide. It seems like no one here thinks he's up to any good. And if I think anything, it's about his shady past with other girls. I can't rule out the fact that he could have changed his priorities, though. I feel vaguely stupid for not being sure about this. Emphasis mine. These are the conversations you need to have before you make a decision about moving in with each other. You date someone and continue dating someone in order to see where it goes. These are things you really need to figure out and be sure of before making a step like moving in with your significant other. If you are unsure about it, get sure by talking to him. If these are subjects that you guys can't talk about then do not move in with him, because you're not ready. 1
katiegrl Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 This makes a lot of sense actually... I have no doubt like Leigh87 said, that my bf likes me. He never let his past gfs into his partying and drinking/drugs life so I must be more important than anyone else in his past. Sometimes I feel like the girl on his arm or something, like I'm a big confidence/ego booster. So if the only reason he's being faithful now is because he has to be, wouldn't he not be happy? Think about why he or any other man cheats. Because they like variety and one woman just isn't enough for them. THAT, combined with no conscience, and you get a man that cheats. I think I said this before, but just because he cheats, it does NOT mean he does not like you. It just means you are not enough for him. Given his current situation, he is not in position to pursue other women because his confidence is low, his funds are low, so he bides his time until he gets back on his feet...and then goes back to being his TRUE self - a man who PREFERS variety to just ONE woman (you)...and who has no conscience. -- i.e. a man who cheats. As far as being "happy," sounds more like he is CONTENT. He knows his situation is only temporary, and if he can convince YOU, the loyal girlfriend, to move in with him, he has more disposable income, giving him more of an opportunity to cheat. That is my take anyway....
katiegrl Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 It's just that we are both very sensitive to the atmosphere of conversations like that and it gets tense...He did say he liked me and even though he's never had a gf move in with him, he says why not if we're together and see where it goes. I asked him what he was looking for and he said "the one." How long have you been with him? One year, maybe a little longer? And he is still looking for "the one"? Sweetie, I would not be moving in with a man UNLESS he told me I WAS "the one." NOT "looking for the one." Please re-consider this. This does NOT sound good. IMO anyway.
lana-banana Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 So you asked him why you should move in with him and his answer was "why not"? Not "because I'm looking for the one and I think it may be you" or "because I think it's the best step for our relationship", just "why not" and "let's see where this goes"?!? To add insult to injury, he said he's looking for "the one" but didn't even hint that "the one" might be you? How did you not throw something at this guy? If two people in a romantic relationship choose to live together, it should be because they both want to and they believe it will improve their relationship. It's the kind of decision you make after lots of long, serious, and occasionally difficult conversations. If it gets so tense every time you try to talk seriously then you don't have much of a relationship. How does he take care of you when you get sick? What does he do to cheer you up when you're sad? How does he respond when you're irrationally cranky, upset or worried? I'm sorry, but every single post you make seems more and more like this guy is using you. "Why not"?! Christ. 2
MissBee Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) It's just that we are both very sensitive to the atmosphere of conversations like that and it gets tense...He did say he liked me and even though he's never had a gf move in with him, he says why not if we're together and see where it goes. I asked him what he was looking for and he said "the one." Is this a whole bunch of BS? I told him I need a little time to decide. It seems like no one here thinks he's up to any good. And if I think anything, it's about his shady past with other girls. I can't rule out the fact that he could have changed his priorities, though. I feel vaguely stupid for not being sure about this. Why would it get tense unless one of you, namely him, had something to hide or be uncomfortable about? Couples who are on the same page don't feel weird or get tense about talking about their relationship, they have natural, organic, conversations about their future. Like I said, if you can't even have normal basic conversations without it "getting tense", you shouldn't be together worse moving in. It seems like no matter what anyone says you're choosing to do this even though you're not sure, so what can anyone say. The worst that will happen is it won't work out and we'll all be correct but even so, at least hopefully you'll learn from that and in the future see the signs and pay attention to them. But again, I would NOT suggest you move in with this man. If all you're getting is "we'll see how it goes..." and "I'm looking for the one", why move in???? Wait until you're engaged or at minimum for him to declare you are the one and he wants to be with you and have a life with you, not just split the rent. You're not getting much of anything besides lukewarm stuff and I'm not sure why you keep closing one eye and squinting and looking with a microscope for some microscopic evidence that things aren't as they seem and his "priorities may have changed..." If you're gonna tie up your life with a man like that you need to be SURE...you aren't...so just say no. Edited May 22, 2015 by MissBee
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