Col1 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Imagine your committed relationship partner (boyfriend/girlfriend) is living in a suburb. You are open to moving in with your partner. That partner wants you to move in - free rent and utilities; no catches. You currently live in a congested/unsafe area because it is very close to your employment and friends+family. Your partner owns a fabulous home located in desirable location (wide open beautiful spaces, plenty of outdoor recreation, and very safe location). You could give up your monthly apartment rental at the end of the month, and save $700+ per month in rent and utilities. Just put some furniture/boxes into a storage unit for about $100 a month. (If things don't work out, you could stay with friends for a few days until you get a new rental apartment). However, if you moved in, then the commute to your long-time place of employment would be much greater. How long (in hours/minutes) of a commute would be the absolute maximum? Meaning, if the commute time exceeded your maximum, and marriage was on the table, then the partner would have to get a home in closer proximity to the partner's place of long-term employment/family/friends.
MissBee Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I'd have to be in the situation to figure out all the variables, it's hard to imagine this hypothetically.
loveweary11 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 0 hours, 0 minutes. I absolutely refuse to commute anywhere. Bad for your health, bad for your brain, bad for the environment. And it's not just the car and exhaust, it's building, heating, cooling and lighting two places for a single person. I would change my work to fit my desired life. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I have rarely had a commute of under an hour so . . . I do agree with whoever said commuting is bad for you.
Got it Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I live in a congested area so to live where I want and to work my commute is usually an hour both ways, can be double that if traffic is really bad. I don't love it but it works. I work at least one day a week from home and I travel so that balances it out in regards to road rage. You have to look at the big picture and then how much of an impact the commute has. I could not live where I do, have me close to my horses, and work in a position like I have. I would have to move closer in which would put me in a huge commute for the horses. So it is something we evaluate all the time but it is the reality in this area. 2
GemmaUK Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I'm a woman and I would not be happy with free rent and utilities so I wouldn't agree to that. I would be wary of it in this day and age big time. It would be a more important factor than a commute for me. My commutes have been 2 minutes to 2 hours each way.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Been there and done that and not interested in doing that again if I can help it. I'm with loveweary11 on this one.
Diezel Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Five years ago, anything over 30 minutes, and I'd get antsy. Now, anything over 15 minutes and I hate it. My current commute is about 7 minutes, and I still think it's too long. I love driving. I hate driving to work. To live together? It depends. But don't for a second believe that it is going to be 100% rent-free. At some point that would change. 1
central Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 If I had to commute daily, perhaps 30 minutes. However, my g/f (now wife) lived 1hr 40m from my work (almost exactly 100 miles), yet I moved in with her (and we eventually bought a house together). I could telecommute 3 days a week, and on the two days I had to be in the office, I stayed with a friend. So, I only had to make the drive once each way each week. We've moved since those days, and my commute is now about 10 minutes. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I don't think i would be able to handle a commute longer than an hour. An hour on public transport would be okay I think, as you're basically sat relaxing and can get work done/read a book etc. but an hour driving would be a massive problem for me as two hours driving per day, having to stay focused and spend so much on petrol/wear and tear would drive me nuts. Atm I drive half an hour each way and that's great for me, I quite like the drive as it's time to think and prepare for work and listen to music. But an hour each way would mean around 100-120 miles driving daily and would cost a hell of a lot in fuel costs and be exhausting. I drive that distance once per week to visit family and friends back in my home town and it's not something I want to be doing just to get to my job. However, I wouldn't move in with someone giving me free rent anyway, that's just weird. In most scenarios I don't see why you wouldn't just live halfway between both jobs or move to the most well paid/prestigious job and have the other person job hunt in that city for when they're ready to live there. 1
Author Col1 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) However, I wouldn't move in with someone giving me free rent anyway, that's just weird. It would be weirder for a home owner to charge a potential fiance monthly rent! The person who moves in could take over payments for the cable, internet, landline, groceries, etc. Edited May 12, 2015 by Col1
autumnnight Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Driving? 30 minutes. Public transit? No more than an hour and that would depend on my work hours. I know people who commute an hour and a half each way AND work 8 hours a day. When do they even have time to HAVE time for a relationship??
blackcat777 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Rather than cautioning against the commute (which I think would be generally stressful), I wanted to voice concern that the reasons for moving in with your partner sound like largely reasons of financial/material convenience, based on the OP. 1
preraph Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I think in this case you make it clear you're not doing that and if and when marriage is the prospect, then you will both need to relocate midway between the two jobs.
Author Col1 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 I wanted to voice concern that the reasons for moving in with your partner sound like largely reasons of financial/material convenience, based on the OP. I am the home owner. Worked my tail off to completely pay it off early. I think in this case you make it clear you're not doing that and if and when marriage is the prospect, then you will both need to relocate midway between the two jobs. I would be open to selling my home after getting married and then jointly buying one somewhere else. However, I wouldn't give up my home before marriage.
gaius Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I've been in an LDR before where I'd spend a good 6-8 hours each way getting to the airport, getting on a plane, flying, getting off, getting there, etc etc just for a few days together. And I'd probably do that again every weekend for the right person, finances allowing. But every day? If it was over an hour and it wasn't public trans I'd find a new job that was closer, or get them to move to me. I consider public trans free time so I wouldn't mind a long commute on that. 1
almond Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I am the home owner. Worked my tail off to completely pay it off early. I would be open to selling my home after getting married and then jointly buying one somewhere else. However, I wouldn't give up my home before marriage. You could possibly put tenants in your current home, and rent somewhere more convenient with your partner while you two work out if marriage is on the table or not.
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 It would be weirder for a home owner to charge a potential fiance monthly rent! The person who moves in could take over payments for the cable, internet, landline, groceries, etc. Well the OP did say no rent and utilities... So I took that to mean no bills. No payment to live there. That's what I was basing things on. It's fine for one partner to pay rent and the other bills, but it would make me very uncomfortable to live in someone's house without contributing. Also, potential fiancé is just girlfriend/partner and I wouldn't allow someone I wasn't married to (no legal ties) to mooch off me financially, as you're not yet at the stage of sharing everything and there's no legal recourse if something goes wrong. If I ever marry then yes, I would see our income as ours, whoever was earning most (which is me currently). But as just partners, I believe in both people paying their own way.
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