Everything is going great but my insecurities are creeping in.

[max9384]

Hi,

 

I have been chatting with a woman for a couple months now. Everything is going great but I have this lingering insecurities that are starting to eat away at me. I am sure they all stem from things women have done to me and put me thru in the past. Background information. She is Latina, 24, a single mother of a 2 year old, divorced, and hasn't talked to her father in two years. Three of those issues already set off my Ho radar. We met on a Mexican dating site. I am a white guy. She lives far from me and we do have the intention of ending up in the same location someday. I will be visiting her in July. I know the complications and fate that usually comes with a LDR. I am trying to put in a real effort though. I am taking it real slow and keeping my guard up. She is the same. She isn't rushing either. We both are doing this the smart way and not jumping into it super quick. Getting to know eachother first.

 

I know this woman really likes me. She wants me to meet her son. For the last two months she has messaged me first every single day saying good morning or good afternoon. As a matter of fact I never message her first. She is the first woman I have ever talked to who does not play games with me. On paper it all seems great but my insecurities and Ho radar are alerting for certain reasons. When we first started talking we both discussed what we are looking for in a relationship. I told her I am looking for real relationship that will last forever. I told her that I feel empty after casual sex and want something more serious. She agreed and told me that she has had casual sex before, but only with guys she has known a while first. She said she wants the same thing. She told me she will forget about casual sex when she is married. That tells me her intent to have casual sex until she is married. She also said she is talking to other guys. Now about two months later she is trying to portray herself to me in a different light. Now she has recently told me she hasn't had casual sex for a long time, doesn't want to be some plaything for men, that she no longer is searching for men, etc. She has posted things on her Whatsapp that lead me to believe otherwise. She had a status that said she misses the midnight conversations. She also told me she goes to the club twice a month. When she goes to the club the way she dresses is super gnarly. She dresses like a woman I would want to **** and have a one night stand with. Lots of eyeliner and a miniskirt so high you wouldn't believe. It's super sexy but I don't know if it's how a woman you want a future with should dress, haha. I made the comment to her "you look like you are going on a hot date tonight!' She laughed and said "Don't worry, I am not searching for men." I would not believe a woman dresses like that and goes to the club without the intent of finding dick. My insecurities are kicking in. I know that she has the right to. She has the right to do anything she wants with any man, until we are together. It is also my right to not want her because of that. But for some reason I worry. I think of all the situations that could be going on. I imagine her to be this huge slut even though I have no proof at all that she is. She seems like such a good woman but after seeing all her FB pictures I can see she definitely dresses like a slut. Compared to most women I have dated, her FB comes up pretty clean. There's a few things hinting that there is a past with some men, but mostly just pictures of her and her lady friends. Most women I have dated, you can see their entire dating history on FB. This chick ain't so bad. My issue is that in the beginning she almost claimed to be casual, but now she is trying to be what she thinks I want her to be, which is a good girl. I don't know if I should be flattered or upset that she is white lying. I think she feels she will lose me if I find out the truth.

 

What do you think my issue is here? How do I overcome this creeping feeling of doom. This woman definitely likes me and treats me good. I am haunted from past relationships and it hasn't done damage yet because luckily I have kept these thoughts inside and haven't spewed them out to her. Do you think this woman is promiscuous? Even if she is do you think I should care? I think she would be a loyal women if we were together but I am trying to get over the fact that she probably is promiscuous and has quite a history. The funny thing is that I have been with over 20 something women. I have probably been with more women then she has been with guys. I am a hypocrite. I realize this. At the same time, I don't want a woman who has ****ed a bunch of guys and who values her body. Would you hold on to this woman or would you turn the other way. She has the traits of a ho. Single mother, divorced, dresses slutty and goes to the club, and hasn't spoke to her father in two years. Those things set off my ho radar for sure.

[Redhead14]

Hi,

 

I have been chatting with a woman for a couple months now. Everything is going great but I have this lingering insecurities that are starting to eat away at me. I am sure they all stem from things women have done to me and put me thru in the past. Background information. She is Latina, 24, a single mother of a 2 year old, divorced, and hasn't talked to her father in two years. Three of those issues already set off my Ho radar. We met on a Mexican dating site. I am a white guy. She lives far from me and we do have the intention of ending up in the same location someday. I will be visiting her in July. I know the complications and fate that usually comes with a LDR. I am trying to put in a real effort though. I am taking it real slow and keeping my guard up. She is the same. She isn't rushing either. We both are doing this the smart way and not jumping into it super quick. Getting to know eachother first.

 

I know this woman really likes me. She wants me to meet her son. For the last two months she has messaged me first every single day saying good morning or good afternoon. As a matter of fact I never message her first. She is the first woman I have ever talked to who does not play games with me. On paper it all seems great but my insecurities and Ho radar are alerting for certain reasons. When we first started talking we both discussed what we are looking for in a relationship. I told her I am looking for real relationship that will last forever. I told her that I feel empty after casual sex and want something more serious. She agreed and told me that she has had casual sex before, but only with guys she has known a while first. She said she wants the same thing. She told me she will forget about casual sex when she is married. That tells me her intent to have casual sex until she is married. She also said she is talking to other guys. Now about two months later she is trying to portray herself to me in a different light. Now she has recently told me she hasn't had casual sex for a long time, doesn't want to be some plaything for men, that she no longer is searching for men, etc. She has posted things on her Whatsapp that lead me to believe otherwise. She had a status that said she misses the midnight conversations. She also told me she goes to the club twice a month. When she goes to the club the way she dresses is super gnarly. She dresses like a woman I would want to **** and have a one night stand with. Lots of eyeliner and a miniskirt so high you wouldn't believe. It's super sexy but I don't know if it's how a woman you want a future with should dress, haha. I made the comment to her "you look like you are going on a hot date tonight!' She laughed and said "Don't worry, I am not searching for men." I would not believe a woman dresses like that and goes to the club without the intent of finding dick. My insecurities are kicking in. I know that she has the right to. She has the right to do anything she wants with any man, until we are together. It is also my right to not want her because of that. But for some reason I worry. I think of all the situations that could be going on. I imagine her to be this huge slut even though I have no proof at all that she is. She seems like such a good woman but after seeing all her FB pictures I can see she definitely dresses like a slut. Compared to most women I have dated, her FB comes up pretty clean. There's a few things hinting that there is a past with some men, but mostly just pictures of her and her lady friends. Most women I have dated, you can see their entire dating history on FB. This chick ain't so bad. My issue is that in the beginning she almost claimed to be casual, but now she is trying to be what she thinks I want her to be, which is a good girl. I don't know if I should be flattered or upset that she is white lying. I think she feels she will lose me if I find out the truth.

 

What do you think my issue is here? How do I overcome this creeping feeling of doom. This woman definitely likes me and treats me good. I am haunted from past relationships and it hasn't done damage yet because luckily I have kept these thoughts inside and haven't spewed them out to her. Do you think this woman is promiscuous? Even if she is do you think I should care? I think she would be a loyal women if we were together but I am trying to get over the fact that she probably is promiscuous and has quite a history. The funny thing is that I have been with over 20 something women. I have probably been with more women then she has been with guys. I am a hypocrite. I realize this. At the same time, I don't want a woman who has ****ed a bunch of guys and who values her body. Would you hold on to this woman or would you turn the other way. She has the traits of a ho. Single mother, divorced, dresses slutty and goes to the club, and hasn't spoke to her father in two years. Those things set off my ho radar for sure.

 

Getting to know eachother first. You aren't getting to know each other through chatting for 2 months. You don't get to know someone until you've spent time with them.

 

This woman definitely likes me and treats me good. -- Treats you good? How? Just because she responds to messages?

 

If your radar is up already, there's a reason. And, if your radar is up and you are projecting past experiences into a "new relationship", it will fail anyway.

 

She was baiting you with sexual innuendo and testing to see if that's where your head is at, and if so, she would continue to play on that.

 

Since you didn't appear to be in that mindset, she switched "demeanor" so as to accommodate that. She's trying to get you any way she can. Does she live in your country even? Sometimes these women are fishing for a marriage no matter who it is so they can get citizenship and bring their families.

 

If you decide to meet her, pay close attention, manage your emotions and expectations. And, keep moving very slowly.

[Satu]

If we can set her aside for a moment, you don't sound like someone who doesn't respect women enough.

 

If she likes to dress to feel good about her body and sexuality, that doesn't mean that you have the right to call her a slut.

 

You've never even met her, and you're already applying demeaning labels to her.

 

You're not ready for love.

 

You're not ready for a woman who has her own mind.