Clarkwg Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I have wasted so much time Already. Its been years and it keeps repeating itself. I am heartbroken. Im depressed.and confused and sad and self esteem is near none because of this. Until people live through it. The ups and downs. They just dont understand what you go through. Well I can assure you I have gone through it. Then in one of our "breaks" she then got in a relationship with someone else & because I'd become so co dependant & addicted to her & that dysfunctional relationship it affected me worse that any or our previous 100 break ups had done. I just felt trapped when I was with her & trapped when I wasn't. This will sound really stupid but I knew she wasn't right for me, I knew I deserved better, I knew the relationship was horrible yet I just couldn't move on, even when she had done horrible (relationship ending) things to me & we wernt together. My relationship should not have got past the 6 month mark yet it dragged on for nearly a decade of unhappiness. Don't do it to yourself. 2
tasstears Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I am guilty of this. I don't think this is the right way to do things but I did it still. In mine, the ex just mentally checked out. I tried every method I could think of to salvage the relationship like being there 24/7 for him, talking to him it, or just disappearing. When I disappeared without telling him, or when I asked for a time out, he was completely unperturbed. Only when I tried to break up, out comes all the "I love you" and all the care and concern. In the end, I tried to use break up to grovel for the little amounts of love he'd throw to me. It doesn't seem like you're the one checking out so there might be other reasons perhaps? If there was no reason (e.g. he hasn't mentioned anything to you) then please don't beat yourself up over it. The problem most likely lies with him.
na49 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Is being "in love" with someone a reason to put up with abuse? I think you are more addicted to him than "in love" with him. You wouldn't love anyone else who treated you that way. You'll also never have a long lasting relationship with someone who knows he can throw you away so easily. I think you are like me, you like being the victim, and you don't mind the breakup/makeup cycle.
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Well I can assure you I have gone through it. Then in one of our "breaks" she then got in a relationship with someone else & because I'd become so co dependant & addicted to her & that dysfunctional relationship it affected me worse that any or our previous 100 break ups had done. I just felt trapped when I was with her & trapped when I wasn't. This will sound really stupid but I knew she wasn't right for me, I knew I deserved better, I knew the relationship was horrible yet I just couldn't move on, even when she had done horrible (relationship ending) things to me & we wernt together. My relationship should not have got past the 6 month mark yet it dragged on for nearly a decade of unhappiness. Don't do it to yourself. And i am much the same. I do know its bit right for me. I am my own worst enemy. I actually forget how bad he makes me feel and then when he comes sniffing around again i end up taking him back. Its so stupid. Everyone is right here when they say i need to be the one to control this and say no
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 I am guilty of this. I don't think this is the right way to do things but I did it still. In mine, the ex just mentally checked out. I tried every method I could think of to salvage the relationship like being there 24/7 for him, talking to him it, or just disappearing. When I disappeared without telling him, or when I asked for a time out, he was completely unperturbed. Only when I tried to break up, out comes all the "I love you" and all the care and concern. In the end, I tried to use break up to grovel for the little amounts of love he'd throw to me. It doesn't seem like you're the one checking out so there might be other reasons perhaps? If there was no reason (e.g. he hasn't mentioned anything to you) then please don't beat yourself up over it. The problem most likely lies with him. Our exs have much in common. I did the same. I tried talking about it. I stayed away. At one point i said we should break up and he said he didnt want to. I think it is more something with him. I was hoping this time would be different. I knew months ago he was going through it again. whatever it is. I think on some level he was trying to fight it. I mean ive pointed out to him what happens but he doesnt even recognize in himself when hes going through it. And so here i am again. Feeling like ****
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Is being "in love" with someone a reason to put up with abuse? I think you are more addicted to him than "in love" with him. You wouldn't love anyone else who treated you that way. You'll also never have a long lasting relationship with someone who knows he can throw you away so easily. I think you are like me, you like being the victim, and you don't mind the breakup/makeup cycle. I do think i am a bit addicted to him. If not to him then this crappy relationship. But i hate the break up and make up cycle. Last time we made up but it was different in a way. I couldnt get out of my mind the past this time.
tasstears Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Our exs have much in common. I did the same. I tried talking about it. I stayed away. At one point i said we should break up and he said he didnt want to. I think it is more something with him. I was hoping this time would be different. I knew months ago he was going through it again. whatever it is. I think on some level he was trying to fight it. I mean ive pointed out to him what happens but he doesnt even recognize in himself when hes going through it. And so here i am again. Feeling like **** I know how you feel. I tried it too many times and we broke up for good. He just breadcrumbed me today by asking for something back.Feeling absolutely horrible and stuck at NC day 0 again. I loved him but there was no way to get him to love me. I have no idea how to salvage the relationship but I wish I had. Hope all is well with you.
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