foolinlove79 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Why do some people repeatedly break up with the same person and keep changing their mind and going back? My so has broken up with me so many times ive lost count. And anywhere from 4 days to 4 months he starts contacting me again. I feel in a way i am being mentally abused. He shutdshuts down months before and isnt affectionate. He becomes an arse. He says he doesnt know why he does it. I wonder if he has some mental problem like bi polar.
Toodaloo Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Because some people don't want to be with the person they are with but don't want to be single either. He doesn't want you. Next time just say no. Have some respect for yourself and get yourself off of the merry go round. 5
PegNosePete Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 The more relevant question is, why do you keep taking him back?? You are mentally abusing yourself. You are enabling his behaviour by accepting it. He knows that he can break up with you and then come crawling back, and you'll take him back like a faithful puppy dog who has lots its master. That is no way to live. Only you can break this cycle. Tell him that next time he breaks up with you, you will not take him back. 2
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 The more relevant question is, why do you keep taking him back?? You are mentally abusing yourself. You are enabling his behaviour by accepting it. He knows that he can break up with you and then come crawling back, and you'll take him back like a faithful puppy dog who has lots its master. That is no way to live. Only you can break this cycle. Tell him that next time he breaks up with you, you will not take him back. I know. I dont know why i put up with it. And i dont know why i keep taking him back. Its like an addiction. We break up. I suffer not only during the break up but for months before while he's treating me badly. He then starts texting about how sorry he is etc and we end up back together. I hate the situation. I just wish he would leave me be so i can actually move on
elaine567 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Why do some people repeatedly break up with the same person and keep changing their mind and going back? My so has broken up with me so many times ive lost count. And anywhere from 4 days to 4 months he starts contacting me again. I feel in a way i am being mentally abused. He shutdshuts down months before and isnt affectionate. He becomes an arse. He says he doesnt know why he does it. I wonder if he has some mental problem like bi polar. Sounds like you are more often apart either physically or mentally than together. Why on earth are you putting up with this. It doesn't matter what psychiatric label you put on him, there is no excuse for his behaviour. Your job on earth is not to fix him, your job is to have a happy productive life. You cannot be happy here, he is sucking you dry. Walk away or ask him to leave, before he has the chance to dump you again. Take control. 1
PegNosePete Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I hate the situation. Sorry, but there is only one person who can change it. And it ain't him! 2
Toodaloo Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I know. I dont know why i put up with it. And i dont know why i keep taking him back. Its like an addiction. We break up. I suffer not only during the break up but for months before while he's treating me badly. He then starts texting about how sorry he is etc and we end up back together. I hate the situation. I just wish he would leave me be so i can actually move on Erm... Its not his fault you keep taking him back... So you are miserable with him then he dumps you and makes you miserable then he comes back and makes you miserable... FFS JUST SAY NO! Preferably F off... Just don't do it! If you have doubts go and hit your head against a brick wall to remind yourself. The pain will be less. 1
Ijustdon'tgetit Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 It's called emotionally unavailable. Search baggage reclaim by Natalie Lue. Your bf or ex or whatever will be described to a T and then you'll know what you're dealing with and why you keep taking him back. Lack of self esteem -no love or respect for yourself. 2
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 I know every one on here sees how ridiculous the situation is. I love him. I know its bad for me and i wish i could take those feelings away.
Toodaloo Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I know every one on here sees how ridiculous the situation is. I love him. I know its bad for me and i wish i could take those feelings away. The feelings are not going to go away while you carry on like this. JUST SAY NO. It really is that simple. Its also rather liberating. Don't let him call, email etc just tell him to sod off. Get angry, get brave, grow a pair and get on with it. In a months time you will so much better. For information "love" is not about you feeling poo. You are addicted to this person. Time to go cold turkey. Get on with it. 2
Satu Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Neither loves the other. Neither loves themselves. Attachment isn't love.
elaine567 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I know every one on here sees how ridiculous the situation is. I love him. I know its bad for me and i wish i could take those feelings away. What DO you actually love about him? I suggest you read a bit about codependency. Symptoms of Codependency | Psych Central to start you off. 2
Satu Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I know every one on here sees how ridiculous the situation is. I love him. I know its bad for me and i wish i could take those feelings away. What does the word, 'love,' mean to you?
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 Love is caring about someone so much you just want the best for them and to be happy. Love is supporting someone and being there for them through the good and bad. Love is unconditional
Satu Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Love is caring about someone so much you just want the best for them and to be happy. Love is supporting someone and being there for them through the good and bad. Love is unconditional OK, i'll go with that. Who is being loved by whom in your relationship?
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 What DO you actually love about him? I suggest you read a bit about codependency. Symptoms of Codependency | Psych Central to start you off. Well when we get back together things are good. He can be a really nice guy. Caring and attentive and affectionate. We have a laugh. And there is a genuine love there. And then one day out of the blue he just becomes unhappy. It can literally happen overnight. He just starts to find things wrong. Its almost like he seeks them out as excuses to leave. And they are always things that seem pretty trivial to me. Things that if you loved someone you would just deal with.
stopping Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Because some people don't want to be with the person they are with but don't want to be single either. He doesn't want you. Next time just say no. Have some respect for yourself and get yourself off of the merry go round. This x 10 I was with a person like this.....love with her was performance based...it is who she is.....still love her.. However...I can not be with her if I respect myself ...the flip flops between talking marriage and then needing breaks is too much. so in the end I am a hypocrite and realizing this hurt even more than her last need for a break.... Take time for you...no NC...if it is meant to be it will work out but you should have time apart to handle this for your sake 1
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 OK, i'll go with that. Who is being loved by whom in your relationship? I guess i love him but he doesnt love me. Well not going by my definition of love anyways. Hes never stuck with me. I just find the whole thing so confusing. He always says how sorry he is about it. But then just does it again. If you know its not going to work then just leave me and actually go. Dont keep coming back. Its cruel 1
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 This x 10 I was with a person like this.....love with her was performance based...it is who she is.....still love her.. However...I can not be with her if I respect myself ...the flip flops between talking marriage and then needing breaks is too much. so in the end I am a hypocrite and realizing this hurt even more than her last need for a break.... Take time for you...no NC...if it is meant to be it will work out but you should have time apart to handle this for your sake Ive deleted his number and all pictures. No social media access. Its just i finally start moving on and starts up again and i get weak and think about all the good times. Seem to forget about the bad ones. I just know i cant keep doing this. Its actually affecting my health and my job. Not good
PegNosePete Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 If you know its not going to work then just leave me and actually go. Dont keep coming back. Its cruel If you know it's not going to work then don't keep taking him back! It's dumb. 1
Satu Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I guess i love him but he doesnt love me. Well not going by my definition of love anyways. Hes never stuck with me. I just find the whole thing so confusing. He always says how sorry he is about it. But then just does it again. If you know its not going to work then just leave me and actually go. Dont keep coming back. Its cruel There are many valid definitions of love, but here's one to contemplate: "Love is total commitment to the wellbeing of a person."
Ruby65 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 The maternal love you will have one day for your future children will be unconditional and self-sacrificing. Romantic love between two adults? There are conditions and if you're not being treated with kindness and consistency and respect, than it isn't love. Romantic love isn't one-sided, which is what you've got going here. You're being co-dependent and long-suffering in hopes of getting a payoff one day, but deep down you know this isn't going to happen. You're his Plan B and people don't stay with their Plan B's for the long haul. Rip off the band-aid and stop all this nonsense. BLOCK HIM EVERYWHERE. Change your phone number and email address. Then there's simply no way for him to reach you: problem solved. Obviously, whatever attempts you've made to partially block and "delete" him aren't sufficient -- so you need to do more. Time to get off the crazy train. Here's a guide that will help you move on: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com 2
Clarkwg Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) Why do some people repeatedly break up with the same person and keep changing their mind and going back? My so has broken up with me so many times ive lost count. And anywhere from 4 days to 4 months he starts contacting me again. I feel in a way i am being mentally abused. He shutdshuts down months before and isnt affectionate. He becomes an arse. He says he doesnt know why he does it. I wonder if he has some mental problem like bi polar. I had this crap for nearly a decade & I found the longer it goes on, the harder it is to get out. Like a bad drug, I genuinely think I was addicted to this toxic woman & the relationship with her but just couldn't move on from her, this time however, things are different as she has now got with a new victim with who she has already broke up & got back with less than 3 months in to her honeymoon period. Breaking up & getting back together was our relationship & it was awful, my advice would be Do not waste anymore of your time with this crap. Don't go back, recover from the ordeal then find someone who wants you & wants to stay with you, not someone who just wants you when it suits. If your situation ends like mine you will end up with low/no self esteem, no confidence, depressed, co dependant, insane & heart broken. Do not continue as you have been doing. Edited May 12, 2015 by Clarkwg
Author foolinlove79 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 I had this crap for nearly a decade & I found the longer it goes on, the harder it is to get out. Like a bad drug, I genuinely think I was addicted to this toxic woman & the relationship with her but just couldn't move on from her, this time however, things are different as she has now got with a new victim with who she has already broke up & got back with less than 3 months in to her honeymoon period. Breaking up & getting back together was our relationship & it was awful, my advice would be Do not waste anymore of your time with this crap. Don't go back, recover from the ordeal then find someone who wants you & wants to stay with you, not someone who just wants you when it suits. If your situation ends like mine you will end up with low/no self esteem, no confidence, depressed, co dependant, insane & heart broken. Do not continue as you have been doing. I have wasted so much time Already. Its been years and it keeps repeating itself. I am heartbroken. Im depressed.and confused and sad and self esteem is near none because of this. Until people live through it. The ups and downs. They just dont understand what you go through.
Toodaloo Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Well when we get back together things are good. He can be a really nice guy. Caring and attentive and affectionate. We have a laugh. And there is a genuine love there. No things are not good he gets moody, takes it out on you, makes you feel like crap warmed up... There is no genuine love there... I guess i love him but he doesnt love me. Well not going by my definition of love anyways. Hes never stuck with me. I just find the whole thing so confusing. He always says how sorry he is about it. But then just does it again. If you know its not going to work then just leave me and actually go. Dont keep coming back. Its cruel If you find it confusing then simplify it - just get rid of him. Make your decision and stop behaving like a victim or a drip. Your being your own worst enemy here. Would you leave rotting food piling up on the side and then get confused because the kitchen smells? Same principles apply. Its time to take out the rubbish. 1
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