Losing my first love to his first love.

[kturner16]

Hi guys! So I'm posting my story on here really just for the heck of it. Not really looking for any advice even though it'll be greatly appreciated if you think you have some helpful and kind words. My story with my ex is kind of long but if you're willing to read it here you go!

For the record, I am 18 now and this happened between the ages 17-18.

 

I met him through my ex boyfriend (crazy, I know). But he was always there to comfort me when my ex and I had arguments and whatnot. We became best friends over the course of a few months. Mind you, he had a girlfriend of almost 2 years at the time, but I didn't care because he was simply a friend at that time. As time went on, we began to hang out more (with mutual friends) and we both started flirting with each other. Christmas of 2013, he even bought me gifts and I bought him some too (I don't think his girlfriend knew about this. If she did there wasn't much of a reaction out of her). I didn't think much of this either simply because I thought we were just good friends.

 

We continued to be friends until late January-mid February, things became different. He's a DJ so he would DJ the sport games at his school and he always invited me to come to them, which I attended but I always brought a friend with me (His girlfriend did not attend these games btw). At those games, he was very flirtatious (red flag) and so was I. I was really beginning to like him and that scared me because I knew he had a girlfriend. One night I even remember him walking me to my car and we were holding hands (red flag). With me catching feelings for this guy, I didn't think about his girlfriend and how she felt (it soon backfired).

 

Few days after all of that it was the Superbowl and some friends of ours had a Superbowl party. Things got really heated then. We flirted a lot more. He asked me a few hours before the party if he could get a ride home with me and my mom and she said yes. After all the flirting with him and taking photos with each other and everyone else, it was time to go home and he sat in the back seat and he tweeted something about "I shouldn't be feeling this way". I texted him asking him what was wrong (while in the car, yes, my mom was there lol!) and he said nothing and then he randomly told (texted) me that he loved me. I remember starring at that message for a minute because it just caught me by surprise but I replied with "I love you too".

 

Later that night he basically told me he had feelings for me and that he felt bad because he had a girlfriend. From what i remember I was so confused that I didn't know what to say. I never wanted to be the "homewrecker". We talked things out and I admitted to him that I also had caught feelings over time.

 

Two days later, next thing you know it's February 6, 2014 @ 8:16pm, and he asks me to be his girlfriend and I say yes.

 

So basically, he breaks up with his girlfriend for me and he is SO mean to her (RED FLAG) He would call her out of her name and all. But I was now dating my best friend. The first few months the relationship was amazing. I had never been so happy before, especially coming out of an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship that was based on sex. Since the relationship started the end of our senior year of high school, prom was coming up and boy were there a lot of red flags.

 

Of course he had planned on going to prom with his ex girlfriend (we went to two different high schools btw) and I thought well I guess he'll be taking me to prom, but I was wrong. After a month in our relationship he had me believing I was going on his prom but things started to get suspicious. When he would be at my house, a number would call him and he would look at his phone and just put it away. I remember asking him plenty of times who it was and he always had some excuse. Then one day he answered and I heard his ex say "what day do you want to color matching for my dress?" and I automatically realize that this whole time it's a lie. He was going on his prom with his ex all along and never told me. So we got into an argument and he went home.

He told me that he didn't want to ask me to go on his prom because he didn't have the money to pay for both mine and his ticket and he didn't want it to be a burden me to pay for it (red flag because he didn't even ask).

 

So lets fast forward to prom shall we? It's May 23rd, the day of his prom and I obviously don't go to his prom send off because that's just flat out humiliating. So he goes off to prom and we're texting throughout the night but I wasn't complaining because he was with this friends throughout the night and then it all of a sudden just stops. He doesn't get in touch with me until 11:00 in the afternoon the next day and he said he lost his phone at prom. I asked him about his ex and how she got home the night before and he told me that her grandma didn't answer the door so she had to come back to his house (RED FLAG!!) He said that he slept on the couch and she slept downstairs in his room. I believed him.

 

The next weekend it's my prom and everything is great. I go to prom with him obviously. I had an amazing time. Then a few weeks later he tells me that HE HAD SEX WITH HIS EX ON HIS PROM NIGHT (HUGE RED FLAG!!!!!!!) We fought for a week straight and we also broke up. He found every way to blame me for this act of cheating. When we finally make up, he tells me that he went out on a date with his ex while we were broken up but he didn't do anything with her (RED FLAG). I forgave him and took him back.

 

The school year is over and everything is great between us again. I had a few trust issues of course but nothing we couldn't handle and he understood why I was paranoid. Now, we're obviously both getting ready for college. He goes to a school out in LA while I go to a school in Ohio. When I got to college, he became very insecure and clingy. He didn't make a lot of friends out in LA, he's not as social as I am. But I'm very quick to make friends. I wanted to enjoy the college life but I also still wanted my boyfriend because I loved him. We would break up alot and get back together but every time we broke up he ran back to his ex (RED FLAG!!!!!!) The only problem is that he accused me of cheating multiple times when I didn't. But then that all changed unfortunately. I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with a guy I met but no feelings were involved. Biggest mistake ever. It only lasted for about a minute because I felt so bad. I told my boyfriend my mistake immediately. My boyfriend became very depressed and even though I tried my best to console him, I was very busy with school and I did everything I could to make him feel better for my mistake. Some days were honestly just better than others.

 

I got a job while I was at school and I saved up every single paycheck to have enough money to buy my plane ticket to go see him in LA for spring break. ($500 plane ticket btw). Once the semester is over, we're able to see each other for Christmas break. On Christmas, he was with my family and for New Years I was with his. Everything seemed okay, like he was completely over me cheating on him. Everything was okay (so I thought).

 

I decided not to go back to the school in Ohio simply because it was not for me and I also saw what it was doing to my boyfriend. Even though everything seemed okay during winter break, my ex is very passive aggressive and he hold a lot of things in. So we hit our one year anniversary. I'm happy, he's happy. Everything was perfect, until a few weeks later. I don't remember what we argued about but I figured we would be okay like always, right? Wrong. I tried contacting him on the phone the next day to talk things out and I remember those three words as they torn through my heart. "I'm moving on". I made the mistake of crying and begging him to make things work for weeks but it never worked.

 

Days went on and I remember crying just hoping he would come back but after he told me he was talking to his ex again (surprising??), my heart was shattered. His ex goes to school in Florida, and he goes to school in California, and they haven't seen each other since their little date a few weeks after prom (almost a year). but they decided to get back together anyway. Such a slap in the face.

 

It's finally March 30 and it's my spring break, him and I had limited contact but we FINALLY agreed that I can still stay with him since I did pay $500 for a plane ticket to see him. So I get to LA and it's a bit awkward because it's like I wanted to jump up and hug him and kiss him but I knew I couldn't do that. Him and I had a conversation that night and I remember asking him "Did you love her (his ex) the whole time?" and he responded with "You never get over your first love". I slapped him (I KNOW VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER). I was so crushed that he could look me in my eyes and tell me that. He also told me that he was irresponsible from the day he knew I existed because he always thought about me when he had a girlfriend.

 

So after I slapped him, he called his girlfriend and was complaining about me being there (talk about AWKWARD). I started crying because I felt so bad for putting my hands on him. After talking all that crap about me on the phone to his girlfriend, he hangs up and then hugs me and tells me it's okay. (WTF? SO YOU JUST CHANGE LIKE THAT AFTER YOU HANG UP ON HER?)

I was in California for a week with him and let's just say, we did have sex. A lot. (big mistake, he cheated on her. again). There were days when he would ignore his girlfriends phone calls just to continue a conversation with me (talk about giving me false hope).

 

Then this is where it got hard: He had really bad stomach pains about 3 days into my vacation so we went to the hospital and found out he had appendicitis and that he had to get surgery. I stayed by his side throughout everything. I watched him cry, cried with him, sat in the lobby for 4 hours while he was in surgery and slept next to him in a chair while he was in his hospital bed, made sure he had food, everything. and get this: His girlfriend had no idea he was in the hospital. He told his friends, but not his girlfriend. When he had just gotten out of surgery, he was very ditsy from the medicine but I remember this so clearly because I wanted it to be true so badly. He told me "you've been here for me throughout this whole thing. I believe I'm looking at my future wife" (once again, talk about false hope).

 

So the next day his mom flies into LA for obvious reasons and she just tells me how grateful she is for me for taking care of her son. He's released from the hospital the next day but since he was still sore from the surgery, I had to help him around his house a lot. I helped him stand up and lay down in bed, I also gave him shoulder massages and everything. He eventually told his girlfriend about the surgery, but there wasn't much she could do because she was at school in Florida.

 

With me being such a hopeful person, I thought well maybe all of this hospital stuff happened so he can fall back in love with me. Haha, boy was I wrong. Few days later, we got into an argument simply because I couldn't accept the fact that he left me. The day after that argument was the day I was leaving to go back home. We wok up the next day and his mom drove us to the airport and we hugged and kissed each other goodbye. The next few days we remained friends. We even planned on me going back out to LA in the summer to visit again and he said that he wanted me stay longer than a week this time. I buy my plane ticket for the summer and behold....

 

we got into an argument because we were talking about our relationship and he just said a lot of things I didn't appreciate. He tells me I'm not allowed to come to his house again despite the fact I already bought my plane ticket. As the days go on, we go into NO CONTACT. hardest days of my life.

 

Even though he initiated no contact, he still tweeted about me and talked about me cheating on him (like he didn't cheat on me??) and it was just so embarrassing. We began fighting more and more and the worst things he ever said to me were "You didn't do **** for me in that hospital, I don't need you" and "Maybe if your dad was alive and still loved you, you wouldn't be such a h*e."

 

Since then, we haven't really talked. He's talked about me on twitter since then but I don't even respond anymore. He also is a producer so he made a beat and then used a voicemail of me crying begging him to answer the phone at the end of the beat, then posted it to Twitter. (talk about HUMILIATING). But once again, I didn't respond and he eventually removed it. I have not spoken to him in weeks and honestly, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've had thoughts about suicide (all though I could never do it), I've had panic attacks, and some days are honestly just better than others. I've thought about contacting him but then I stop to ask myself, what difference would it make?

 

I have a hard time forgiving myself for not leaving him when he first cheated on me. I should have known he would. Not leaving caused so much more pain and it also allowed him to take advantage of me because I later found out that he cheated on me with his ex more than once and that he also used to video chat her during the second month of our relationship and while I was away at school. He's also called me out of my name MULTIPLE times, even before our official breakup.

 

Oh, and let me tell you, he also spoke very poorly about his ex throughout our relationship. Spoke about all the things he hated about her and told me some of her secrets also (RED FLAG!) Kind of sucks that I didn't notice all of these red flags earlier in our relationship.

 

What have a learned from this relationship?

1. If he cheats with his ex, he still loves his ex.

2. If he always goes back to his ex during/after an argument, he still loves his ex.

3. If a man cheats, LEAVE.

4. Never date a man (although I consider him more of a boy) that leaves his current girlfriend for you, especially not right away.

5. Karma is a b****

 

Apart of me blames him, apart of me blames myself. I feel okay right now, but I'm sure tomorrow will be filled with more panic attacks and tears. I NEVER want to experience this kind of heartbreak ever again. Unfortunately, he was my first love but I was not his.

I know things will get better even though some days it seems impossible, I just wish things could of been better with him.

Edited May 12, 2015 by kturner16

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

What have a learned from this relationship?

1. If he cheats with his ex, he still loves his ex.

2. If he always goes back to his ex during/after an argument, he still loves his ex.

3. If a man cheats, LEAVE.

4. Never date a man (although I consider him more of a boy) that leaves his current girlfriend for you, especially not right away.

5. Karma is a b****

 

6. Don't flirt with someone that you know is in a relationship.

 

This guy is toxic, you're better off without him. You've identified a number of red flags from your experience with him though. After you've taken enough time to heal and jump back into the dating world you'll know what to look out for. Good luck on your road to healing and welcome to LS.

[casey.lives]

i thought i lost my first love and i didn't.. it is something i learned when i told myself the truth. My first love was not.

[kturner16]

i thought i lost my first love and i didn't.. it is something i learned when i told myself the truth. My first love was not.

 

Are you saying your first love was not your true first love like you thought?

[d0nnivain]

As painful as it was this relationship was not a waste of time because you learned a lot. You know you are better off without him. So take some time to heal & then move on to the next phase of your life. You have everything in front of you.

[GoBlue]

I am sorry that you have experienced this heartache. Anyone who puts themselves out there in order to pursue love will tell you a story or two about their own painful experience. These things happen and it's just part of the process to find love for a lifetime. You will get through this - he was not the beginning of your life and he will not be the end. Today is a good day! Be blessed.