accident_prone Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 i'm long-winded so thanks in advance. met her at a local restaurant last year. friend who works there told me she was dating some dude. i'd stop in to see my friend from time to time and she was always there working but always made time to come and chat me up a bit and if i didn't show for a few weeks or something, she'd make it known to me so i figured maybe she dug me a little. i never asked her out at that time or tried to pursue bc of her dude though. same friend told me last month she was newly single but i hadnt been there in months and kinda just been busy and forgot altogether. fast forward to last week, she adds me on facebook and we chat a bit and she asks when i'm coming back to visit and i jokingly say i'm on diet, so i guess we'll just have to hangout outside of the restaurant. her response was an immediate "when and where?" i thought that was great. she was going out of town for the week and said she'd hit me up when she got back (was supposed to be tonight). she texted me last night saying she was back early and listed to me literally every day that she was free this week. i dont waste time so i invited her out for tonight and she agreed and then asked "is this date?" i thought it to be weird and after i jokingly told her it was merely a business meeting, i think she got it. so we went out tonight and had a great time talking a bunch and hanging out at this park she wanted to visit. probably overkill but 4 hours later we parted ways and she hugged me goodbye and i decided to not kiss her. she texted me when she was home and said i was wonderful and she had a great time. so i think things went pretty well considering i havent seen or talked to this girl in months and the little i ever did was for a few minutes at a restaurant. i do think she's pretty awesome but she's recently out of a three year relationship that ended when he cheated, which she brought up in conversation on the date which i thought was weird. and she seems to be super okay with it (i've heard that one before) but i'm definitely going to ask her out again soon. anybody ever had anything similar happen? kind of a missed connections of sorts or date a newly single girl? any advice is appreciated! 1
ZA Dater Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Great post to read! I am glad it went well for you, for any guy that sounds like a genuinely nice date and she seems to be into you which is also positive. Good luck going forward. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 That's awesome man. Glad to hear it went well. Gauging on her level of enthusiasm going in, and the length of the date, it seemed prime for a kiss. Especially since it was an outdoor setting. But if you weren't ready, you weren't ready. However, look at it this way. The first date is done out of curiosity. The second date is when a woman makes a conscious choice to see you again based on interest. So if you're feeling confident and a bit ballsy, greet her with a kiss on the next date. Then act like it's no big deal. Sets a romantic tone and gets the kiss anxiety out of the way. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Try to avoid hyping this up in your own mind. Be cautious that you are not a rebound. She may have been emotionally done & out of her last relationship before she broke it off but you need to be vigilant. Go. Be yourself. Have a good time. 1
Author accident_prone Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 i appreciate the responses. she's a pretty cool girl. i have inadvertently been the rebound guy before and sure that sucks. but I definitely overplayed my hand at that time. i was seeing and talking to her too much, too soon and whatnot. this girl is as busy as i am so it would be tough to pull that off again. i know i want to see her again and I'm almost positive it's reciprocated, but i don't really know how often i should have contact or ask her out. right now I'm just mirroring her contact but I'm a paranoid s.o.b.
preraph Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Just don't make any assumptions. She likes you and she wanted you to know it. I loved when you told her it was merely a business meeting. Haha, so funny! She may or may not have loose ends dragging with this guy. Just concentrate on showing her a good time and maybe she'll start wondering what she ever saw in him. 2
Author accident_prone Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 agreed and thanks for your input. also, feel free to borrow that line!
Author accident_prone Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 so i asked her last night to come out with me on friday night to a show my coworker is playing. she's going to try and be off in time and wants to go. should be a good time. this is a plus. my issue is that i have been burned in the past enough to where it makes me bipolar with this stuff. every situation reminds me of something prior and i bounce between wanting to pursue and not wanting to bother because that is easier than it working for a while just to burn out. of course this notion is ridiculous cause of course it's better to do my thing and have fun and take opportunities when they present themselves and not live in fear, but i still get tempted to just not bother. again, paranoid s.o.b. a walking contradiction. it's just this girl is like a sort of blast from the past that i kinda thought i had missed an opportunity with. certainly not putting her up on a pedestal, but she's still probably one of the coolest i have met in quite a while and i meet a lot of people, girls included. someone has to read this and be able to relate to this nonsense.
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 You're nervous. I suggest you plan a physically active activity like gym or running or biking and wear yourself completely out until an hour before the date.
Author accident_prone Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 i appreciate your advice. so the thing is i'm not actually nervous about that part. i am just fine with that whole thing. and if she's able to go, i'll be picking her up shortly after i'm off work. that will be plenty tiring! my issue is due to past experinces, both encouraging and discouraging, i just overthink things like trying to not do too much but also not too little and of course there is a happy medium that i have found in the past. but it is different with every person and there are always different dynamics to these things. and of course that takes time but sometimes there isnt that luxury.
Author accident_prone Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 so she was able to get friday night off and we're going out to my friend's show. pretty pumped on taking her out again. i (maybe it was a poor decision but i was feeling things out) didn't get very close to her on our first date the other night and actively decided to not kiss her goodnight and there was very little physical contact. that's just how i am initially. this time will be a different game. she will know exactly what's up, so to speak. any advice or anyone have similar situations/experiences?
LostOne1 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 so she was able to get friday night off and we're going out to my friend's show. pretty pumped on taking her out again. i (maybe it was a poor decision but i was feeling things out) didn't get very close to her on our first date the other night and actively decided to not kiss her goodnight and there was very little physical contact. that's just how i am initially. this time will be a different game. she will know exactly what's up, so to speak. any advice or anyone have similar situations/experiences? Okay before you freak out.... STOP freaking out. Don't over think it or you'll **** it up.. I have so I know. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. The more you worry about being physical, or doing X and Y... the more nervous you get. That will kill it for you... trust me! Yes you do need to get a bit more physical... at least hold her hand. Make a SMALL goal.. like by the end you need to hold her hand. Keep it very simple and easy for now.
Author accident_prone Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 last night was awesome. she was texting me around midnight and couldn't sleep or something and i went on a limb and invited her over to join me and my cat for a movie. i didn't really have any expectation but she jumped at the chance and came over. we watched the movie and laid there and made out for a while and rolled around. no sex cause she's a little slower and that's totally cool. but she seems pretty into me. so we cuddled up for a couple hours and just enjoyed each others company. i can't get her out of my head today which i know can be dangerous. so my issue is that i can't get out of the back of my mind the whole idea of potentially being a rebound. i don't know. i haven't spoken to her today yet and really have nothing much to say but i feel like total silence from me is weird maybe? we still have our real date tomorrow night. that will make three times in one week. i can't help but to feel that it may be too much even though she hasn't said anything or given me reason to think so. how should I proceed and treat this thing as a whole. the interest seems to be there so i totally want to work with it but sometimes these things are counterintuitive. as always, any advice or input is encouraged and appreciated.
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