Lowkey Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 January 22nd. I had been split up with my previous girlfriend for about a month we had been together 7 years lived together for 5. She had decided she wanted to split up in October, but it wasn't until December when we started living seperately. I tried the whole time to get her to call it off, but she wanted to be done. She had a car wreck in August, a bad one after that she said she didn't remember loving me. She remembered me, just not any feeling associated with me. Which sounded like bull**** to me, but regardless of the reason she wanted to end it. Over Christmas I was talking to my sister about it. She mentioned she had shown my picture to a friend who thought I was cute, and wanted me to have her number. So I texted her, and we hit it off. Dated for a couple weeks, and then I started getting texts from my ex. Really long texts just talking about how her day was going, and then started saying that she was missing me. I decided since I wanted to try things out with this new girl I was going to be a man, and just tell her that i wanted to give it a shot with this girl. So I did, and my ex was angry she stormed out. I called her, but she didn't answer so i figured I would give her some time. 3 days later I got a call at work from my ex's apartment complex. She hadn't been to work. They sent the police to check on her, but complex had some kind of policy that they won't let the police in unless a crime had been reported. I was her emergency contact. I had the extra key to her apartment so I went, and I found her dead she was 28. She had committed suicide that night. I left her there for three days. The other girl came to be with me, and god bless her she was very kind, but our relationship fell apart shortly after. it was just too much. That was about 3 months ago. I've had a very deep crushing lonliness since. Which I suppose had lead me here, and to other places. If you're breaking up, and it hurts though. I'm here to tell you at least that yes. It can be much much worse. Love has officially broken my mind. I can hardly tell what are actual thoughts or traumatized delusions. I keep hoping that there is some kind of wisdom hiding in the experience. Something that I can grow with. So far every day is just survival, numb survival though. If anyone knows a way, or even a hint or an idea of something that might be a way over this please let me know.
OldRover Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Wow, what a horrible and heart wrenching story. I'm terribly sorry to hear your story. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. You'll probably need some professional help and some really good friends to lean on. Best of success in getting thru this, but time will heal and help. Keep us posted as to how you're doing. 2
Author Lowkey Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 Well I have a survival group. Although it seems to be more depressing than anything. As far as friends everyone has kind of moved on. Everyone was very supportive for a few weeks, and then I might as well be a landmine. Which I mean I can't blame them no one wants to hear about someone else's problems for months.
GoBlue Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Words cannot express how sorry I am for this nightmare in your life. I know what it's like to feel like what you are going through is a bad dream that you keep hoping you will wake up from. It doesn't match the horrible pain of going through a suicide though. I am glad that you are going to a support group - it's very important to express your feelings and not leave them inside. If there are any lingering thoughts that this is somehow your fault - it's not. I am aware of a free counseling service that could be a help. It is not ongoing therapy but it is by phone and it could help get you on the right track. If you are interested send me a private message. In the mean-time, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Be blessed. 1
Satu Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Sorry you had to experience this. I discovered a friend of mine dead by his own hand, a few years ago. It takes a long time to make peace with it, but you'll get there. Love, Satu.
Chi townD Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Go seek individual counseling from a professional. I think they're better equipped to handle what you're going through than a advice forum. Best of luck to you.
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