Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I've seen my boyfriend once in a month in a half. We've been dating for 7 months. We used to see each other a couple times a week, but he warned me come spring he would be really busy with school/work/coaching. Things have been awesome, until around March when all of that started, just like he said. He was right, and I hardly ever see him. We're also an hour away, not that its that big of a deal. I've bit my tounge for this long, trying to stay patient since he did warn me he'd be this busy in the spring. His baseball season ended a few days ago, and so did his classes. So there was no excuse anymore. I started boiling when I asked him what he was up to this week, and his response was, 'I'm going to dedicate the week to working on filling out paper work for my internship and finishing my projects before graduation.' It's always something. I boiled over and asked, 'So are we going to pick this back up in July when you graduate? Or is this normal to you..?' He acted confused, and I told him nevermind, and that I'd rather not have this conversation over text. He persisted on- 'what, that we don't hang out? No it's not normal to me. But I've also never been this busy nor had a girlfriend an hour away.' I said, 'I just need a heads up of what's going on because I don't want to be mislead. I just feel like I'm being pushed to the side and it's not a nice feeling.' He replied, 'It's not like I'm doing anything that I want to do rather than hanging out with you. Like it's not like I'm just hanging out with other people or anything.' And I said, 'I get that. But we've hung out once in a month in a half and text about how Olive garden is putting out a breadstick sandwhich. I don't think I'm being irrational by wanting to kick it up a notch.' He asked what else I wanted to talk about because school and sports were taking up his life right now and told me that when he's busy he's 'pretty one dimensional'. I took this as him admitting that he's not putting his full attention into this relationship, so I continued. 'Things are busy over here too, I get that school and work and baseball are all important, but if this is gonna work then you can't put it on the back burner because theres two people in this involved and one of them is being effected in a different way than you are. And you can't just forget about those other things in your life just because you're one dimensional because that's not fair to me.' He came back at me, 'Believe me, I'm affected as well. It's not fun for me. And I apologize for what you're going through as the result. But honestly, this is my life. I made that clear since day one.' I replied, 'If you aren't seeing it then I don't know what to tell you. But if you are too busy right now then I don't even know what I'm doing here.' I wanted him to fight for it. Tell me that he cares too much about me to see me walk away and that he'd try harder. But he responded, 'I see it. At the end of the day it's your decision. If you're unhappy and feel cast aside, I really truly am sorry. And I know those are just words. But from the sounds of it you've been thinking this for a while. I can't say I blame you. I've been a zombie. I still am. I'm not looking for empathy but I worked harder in these past three months than I have in my entire life and I'll be honest, I'm pretty damn proud of myself for it. I set a goal 3 years ago and I'm 2 months away from it becoming reality.' What am I supposed to do? He is an amazing guy, really. He's super smart, finishing up his masters, and has a good head on his shoulders. He has a big heart, and exactly what I've always wanted. But something what you want and what you deserve are two different things. I want him more than anything.. but I need him to put in some time too. Do I wait it out? Continue to be patient, and understanding? Or throw in the towel, and tell him that It's not fair to me that I'm not falling anywhere on his priority list. I'm sorry this is so long, but I am so confused and upset and just need advice.
clia Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 You need to look at your user name over and over again because it perfectly fits your scenario. I'm sorry to be harsh, but I remember you and am going to tell you the same thing I told you around a month ago when you previously posted about him not having time for you: He's too much of a wimp to end things with you and is hoping you will do it for him. You are not a priority. You haven't seen him in a month and a half? That's not a boyfriend. He is not into you. You think any man who was into you would go six weeks without seeing you, no matter how "busy" he is? No way, no how. Never seen it in my entire life. I'll say what I said to you on April 16...move on. This is over. And I know it's hard...but you are spinning your wheels and wasting time when you could be out meeting a man who is dying to see you every night and will bring you flowers and take you out dancing and adore you. This guy is not that guy, no matter how great you think he is. Reality is he is not great. He doesn't even have time for you. Stop making excuses for him. Seriously. There is no excuse for this, no matter how "busy." He will continue to string you along and string you along...and then you know what will happen? He will meet the girl he wants to spend time with and he will poof. Do yourself a favor and just cut the cord and move on. He was encouraging you to do it when he said "I see it. At the end of the day it's your decision." He wants you to break up with him because he is too wimpy to do it himself. Do him the favor. End it. Do not waste another month on this guy! 3
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted November 12, 2019 Author Posted November 12, 2019 Just an update on this post... We are now married and things have changed drastically for the better since this last post 5
TheBlingRing14 Posted November 12, 2019 Posted November 12, 2019 Just an update on this post... We are now married and things have changed drastically for the better since this last post Wow, congratulations!!!
lavenderandvelvet Posted November 12, 2019 Posted November 12, 2019 Just an update on this post... We are now married and things have changed drastically for the better since this last post How did you resolve all of the issues outlined above?
preraph Posted November 12, 2019 Posted November 12, 2019 Yes, how'd you get through that? I mean, my first thought was he's busy but he's also in a very social environment and could be dating others.
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) On 11/12/2019 at 5:34 PM, lavenderandvelvet said: How did you resolve all of the issues outlined above? Communication. LOTS of communication. I let him know that's not what I signed up for. I could of never dealt with that for the long haul. I'm so glad we're past that. Edited March 5, 2020 by Hesjustnotthatin2u 2
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 On 11/12/2019 at 6:50 PM, preraph said: Yes, how'd you get through that? I mean, my first thought was he's busy but he's also in a very social environment and could be dating others. Lots of communication. I let him know that I wasn't going to be sticking around for that. He stepped it up a lot and started putting in a lot more effort. Things haven't been like that since that point, and I'm so glad. 2
smackie9 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 I hope you pass this experience onto someone you know that is going through the same thing.
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