courtneykay Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Hi all! So I am new to this forum. I recently posted about the potential to be entering a LDR. Well, it turns out it's no longer just something that would potentially happen, it's actually going to become a reality. My boyfriend and I are in college, he is graduating in a week and I have one year left. He has been offered an amazing job and so of course he took it. It's in a beautiful location, but of course it is across the country. We have been dating for about a year and a half, and are madly in love with each other. He's not only my soulmate, but my best friend. We are pretty much attached at the hip so the thought of not falling asleep besides him every night is terrifying. We talk about our future together, how we plan to get married and start our life once I graduate from school. Our families know each other and all get along great. My family loves him, his loves me, etc. I know we may be young but I am a firm believer that you can find "the one" at any age. Part of me is not worried at all. We love each other so much and we are determined to get through this one year apart. But realistically speaking, I know this is going to be one of the hardest things we have to go through and it will be a test of our relationship. Being my final year in college, things will be crazy so I suppose it is good that I will be able to keep busy. I also have a great support group of my best friends and family. I'm still so scared. I know I'm codependent on him. I know this will be a good opportunity to work on myself and become more independent. But I'm going to miss him so much. We spend every single day together practically. For those of you who have been in LDR, what advice do you have? I am determined to make this work and am trying to develop a plan of action so we can prepare ourselves for this. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you, Courtney
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Hi Courtney. First of all welcome to LS! I've been in a LDR for over 2 years and all I can say (and have said in previous threads on the same subject), it CAN work if you BOTH want it to work. Having established an already fantastic foundation in your relationship will also help matters. I know being apart from your best friend and soul-mate will be challenging at first but you have to just keep in mind that this is all temporary! Every LD couple is different in terms of their needs and wants but what I've found that works in MY own LDR is having a plan and commit to it. It's important to establish some kind of routine in terms of how many times a week you talk and at what time works best. Planning out Skype dates is equally as important even if it's once a week. This gives each of you more time "together" and can help take the edge off between visits. In my own relationship, we aim to talk EVERY single night even if it's just to say good night to one another. Most times we get on the phone at around 10pm and can talk for hours if we're not careful. We also make a point of planning out our meetups in advance. It helps knowing when you'll get to see each other again. Most of the time we plan out weeks at a time but when life and work get too demanding and taking a week or two is difficult, we have started to plan long weekends where we meet half way. It works really well and buys us time until we can spend a much more significant amount of time together. Not sure how far you'll be or how your schedules will be but perhaps that might be something you can plan in your own LDR. Regardless, the bottom line is have a plan and honor it. Make your relationship a priority but be understanding if/when things don't fall into place every now and again (and it WILL happen). The other part to this is don't over analyze things too much. Women are really bad at this at the best of times but especially in LDR. Trust is HUGE in LDR and you're going to have to lean on that during this time. Don't let yourself get crazy over thinking every conversation or missed call or short text. You're both going to be really busy this year so it's paramount that you NOT create problems where there aren't any. And AGAIN, remember this is all temporary, right? Good luck 1
madjac74 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 For those of you who have been in LDR, what advice do you have? I am determined to make this work and am trying to develop a plan of action so we can prepare ourselves for this. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you, Courtney It always starts off full of promises and dreams like you think right now. It will all collapse the longer you remain a part. I don't mean to be a debbie downer but I am speaking from my own experience and the experience of many. What is stopping YOU from going with him RIGHT NOW?
justwhoiam Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) he is graduating in a week and I have one year left. He has been offered an amazing job and so of course he took it. When will he start? Right in a week? Or does he have some time before moving? Is the job permanent? Or with a temporary contract? Also, is it a Monday to Friday job? Will he be making good money? How often will he be able to see you? I'm going to miss him so much. We spend every single day together practically. Until a year ago or so, he was not in your life. What was life before him? I know that when someone enters your life, things can change even radically, but you did have a life without him and actually that was not long ago. So you can go back to that, and obviously he will still be in your life keeping in touch with you and seeing you now and then. For those of you who have been in LDR, what advice do you have? Talk to him and see whether your expectation levels match or not: 1. How often will you get in touch with one another? 2. What time of the day/night? 3. Is there going to be a sort of schedule to communicate, or planning along the way, or purely random? 4. How will you keep in touch? (e-mails, text, regular mail, phone, Skype, videochats, other messenger, all of that...) 5. Will he spend his holidays with you or with his family? The more you will agree on everything before he leaves, the better. I think that having a calendar together helps, because you won't be in the dark about his appointments, time out, etc. (there will be times when he won't be available to talk or not texting back, and you will know why, whether he's at the doctor/dentist, or went to the movies or he's out with clients, whatever.) Also, having some of his stuff with you will help too, when you feel lonely. Like a t-shirt smelling like him, or anything else. I am determined to make this work What about him? How much effort is he willing to put into the LDR? Because he's 50% of the deal, probably even 60%. Edited May 14, 2015 by justwhoiam
madjac74 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I don't understand why she just can't transfer to his location.
sportygirl89 Posted July 6, 2015 Posted July 6, 2015 I don't understand why she just can't transfer to his location. She said she still in college. If she transfers could push her back further if no credits transfer. Transferring before her senior year is pretty stupid. Honestly I would never move for a guy. If she moved out there and they broke up she wouldn't have a friend. She needs to be established with a job as well. 1
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