ByMyself01 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) So I am in 10 Days FULL no contact. This is the first time I found the strength to not contact him AT ALL for anything. He reached out to a friend of ours and said he felt like crap, but not because of me because of his ex before me. He is not grieving about me at all, instead the pain he feels when i left made him feel worse about messing up with his ex. I asked him over and over and over again while we were together did he still love his ex and he said no he wants to move forward. Then, he told our friend that he loves her but not in love with her but wants her back. He's an opportunist so our friend thinks he just says he want her back because his ex and her new guy went on a vacation trip and he loves to travel and is jealous because he wanted to go and has no money to go because he got his hours cut at work and has to pay $100 per check to pay back the government. I know what people will say that I shouldn't worry about what he says or think after I'm gone but it's only human nature to want to know. He lied and told our friend that he never slept with me and that the only reason his first ex left him was because I broke them up! I can't believe he was putting the blame on me AFTER I was the one lied to when he said he wanted me and was done with her, so I believed him. He never cheated on me with her because after he dumped her she moved on and I thought he did too. Obviously not. It's like me being gone helps him to analyze his relation he had with her after 3 years. Like I meant nothing and our relationship meant nothing. It hurts like hell, but this is EXACTLY what I needed to go on moving forward without looking back. I call it No Contact at a distance because me hearing what he told our friend helps me more than just going pure no contact because the wonder if he still wants to try or learn his lesson is gone and I know FOR SURE now. I just wish he would have told me the truth that he still loved her after all this time. Could have saved me a few years of my life. Edited May 12, 2015 by ByMyself01
Twigyy Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 He can't be honest to you because you don't trust him either. he left his ex for you for a reason, but you doubted him in the whole relationship, and kept asking the same question. I doubt he lied to you the whole time. I'm pretty sure that he was telling the truth until he had enough. No matter what, insecurity kills a lot of relationship, and this might be one... 1
Author ByMyself01 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 He can't be honest to you because you don't trust him either. he left his ex for you for a reason, but you doubted him in the whole relationship, and kept asking the same question. I doubt he lied to you the whole time. I'm pretty sure that he was telling the truth until he had enough. No matter what, insecurity kills a lot of relationship, and this might be one... I Agree with you, but it still hurts he totally skipped over me to grieve after her. But my fears came true. I wonder if the other one will.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Sometimes I wonder if guys do this because as a means to gain a sense of "comfort" with someone they have a history with since their current breakup is so fresh and there's bitterness. My ex added his cheating, crazy ex wife a day after we broke up and it broke my heart. I don't think they're getting back together but it hurts that he can confide in her, and I'm absolutely sure he is saying false things about me to her to make himself feel better, much like your ex did. I just don't understand the minds of men sometimes. I'm going NC and I had messed it up several times, but I am dead set on healing now. If she rebuffs him, expect him to possible try to contact you. Just give him the cold shoulder if he does. 1
Author ByMyself01 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Sometimes I wonder if guys do this because as a means to gain a sense of "comfort" with someone they have a history with since their current breakup is so fresh and there's bitterness. My ex added his cheating, crazy ex wife a day after we broke up and it broke my heart. I don't think they're getting back together but it hurts that he can confide in her, and I'm absolutely sure he is saying false things about me to her to make himself feel better, much like your ex did. I just don't understand the minds of men sometimes. I'm going NC and I had messed it up several times, but I am dead set on healing now. If she rebuffs him, expect him to possible try to contact you. Just give him the cold shoulder if he does. It's like all of a sudden he raises her from the dead after at first he clearly had no feelings for her now all of a sudden "she is the only one made his life better." Did it really take him years to realize this? I noticed a pattern too, everytime his daughter comes over he has from her is when he start posting things on facebook and talking to our friends about what a wonderful relationship they had and how much traveling they did around the world.
brokengirl85 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I think you're obsessing. Leave the guy alone and try to move on with your life. You sound very sour
Author ByMyself01 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 I think you're obsessing. Leave the guy alone and try to move on with your life. You sound very sour I am sour, I can own up to it. I am moving on but it is a life-changing experience to me when I'm almost 30, no kids and I wasted 3 years of my life. No one will understand the time wasted. That's what ticks me off the most. But it is what it is, I hope I find better next time around and I wish him luck with getting his ex back. No hard feelings, I'm just shocked.
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