mgk1177 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I'm just going to make a long story short. A few months ago while going through my husbands phone I saw him kind of making a little drug deal. He had a friend that sent him a picture of a little bag of meth. And my husband was telling him to bring it to the boat (the boat that we own). I called him out on it and he blamed the other two people on the boat...and one of those people was my brother. He told me that he was getting the dope for my brother and the other dude that was with them. I knew to not believe it but I brushed it off and acted like I forgot about it. Yesterday while going through his work bag I found a pipe that's used to smoke meth out of that he had hidden in a sock inside one of his beanies. It was wrapped up in a napkin. I just wrapped it back up and stuck it back in his bag. I'm clueless on what to do.we have two young kids. A 4 yr old girl and a 6 year old girl and a baby boy that will be born in July. We have been married for 4 years. Should I leave him? Give him another chance? He lied to me once and idk if I'll be able to trust him. Idk how long he has been doing this behind my back and how long he has been bringing the dope inside of our house around our kids. I really need some advice.
TunaCat Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Yes you leave him immediately. You have two small kids and another one on the way, none of whom should be living around a drug dealer. When someone show you who they really are, believe them. Your husband is a drug user & dealer as well as a liar. Protect yourself & your kids. 7
beach Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Yes, leave him. And protect yourself and they kids - call the Police if needed. 1
todreaminblue Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I am going to differ.......face him......tell him the cats out of the bag he needs to come clean with you if he wishes to save the marriage and tell him to seek professional help...addiction is an illness......often causes people to deal the crap so they have a constant supply.....so stop him dealing.....if he is......one bag of meth is not a dealer.......the person who sent him the picture......may just be his supply.....do you recognize the phone number..... tell him you wont lose your kids over him and he needs to man up and get help to keep the family unit.....or you walk to save the family unit from total hopelessness......attend the meetings with him....get help for you and the kids to feel supported..... i dealt with family members recently who had problems with this substance.....i informed them i would take custody of the child if they didnt stop and it wont be done in my house....ever.....if they continued i would call child services.....and honestly i would loathe to do it....i would have no choice ...so i told them not to test me...because once i did that it couldnt be taken back ....i have told one person t4hey are not welcome here till they get help or would they be unsupervised in my home.........stand your ground...always......i differ on the leaving part......deb 8
Tayla Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 and the facts are still not conclusive. there could be varying truths . So until the facts are relayed, keep the family together. Deb- good advice ! Tbh, i wouldnt know a meth pipe or if someone is on the drug..., 2
PogoStick Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Really? There's not talk about the qualities of this man other than meth! Is he a good father? Husband? How does he function socially? at his job? But, since you're willing to leave a man over this singular issue I'm willing to guess that your relationship isn't great anyway. Then the question becomes, why did you pick this guy to father your children? 1
Author mgk1177 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 Yes he's a good father...but some days he's just wanting to sit around on the sofa and play on his phone and other days he's outside playing w them...but what I'm worried about is the days he's up and playing with them is those the days hes loaded on the meth or not. He's working 14 and 7 offshore so he's only home 7 days when he's home...some days he has all the patience in the world and some days he seems aggravted and exhausted. Idk. I'm lost and confused with it all.
Tayla Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 mgk- if you concern is for his well being... ask him to be tested. I do understand you and he are more room mates then a marital couple, less the interludes that created this third pregnancy. Both your welfares are at risk... so be rational and objective. Get therepy /counseling. He works hard to provide for the family, he deserves a supportive wife to get thru these challenges.... be well. 3
Hawaii51 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Yeah, ultimatum time. Meth is not a recreational drug. 7
mrs rubble Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Don't muck around, I know of a very sick 2yo, who had been unknowingly living in a meth house, and is still recovering. I dumped a man a few years ago because I found out he was hiding a meth habit and was unwilling to address it. Ultimate dealbreaker for me. Health and security is far more important to me for my kids. 2
beach Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 And if he's caught by authorities - your kids are at risk being taken away from you. I can't imagine that's what you want? You need him to move out immediately. 3
TunaCat Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Really? There's not talk about the qualities of this man other than meth! Is he a good father? Husband? How does he function socially? at his job? But, since you're willing to leave a man over this singular issue I'm willing to guess that your relationship isn't great anyway. Then the question becomes, why did you pick this guy to father your children? Good fathers do not do drugs or sell them. He is risking his children being taken away from them every single time he does or deals meth. Meth is serious, it's a big issue and for most mothers it would be a deal-breaker. 2
GoBlue Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 If your husband was a meth addict it would be very clear and he would not be able to hide it. Having said that, however, casual drug use can and often does lead to bigger problems. Meth is not a "harmless" drug in any way, shape, or form. A confrontation needs to take place but seeking the help of a third party would seem like a good idea. Do you have a Pastor, family friend, or another person whom your husband respects who you could talk with? I would even consider speaking with a counselor who specializes in family relationships. He needs to know that this is a big deal and that your children cannot be exposed to this in any way. There is no room for compromise. I know of a free counseling service that can remain anonymous and is done over the phone. If you want information send me a private message. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 1
PogoStick Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Yeah, ultimatum time. Meth is not a recreational drug. Bah meth used to be a common weight loss drug. We give it to fighter pilots to stay awake on long missions. And we give it to kids with ADHD. Sure, they only get "amphetamine" but that little CH3 doesn't make much difference. 1
Tayla Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Good fathers do not do drugs or sell them. He is risking his children being taken away from them every single time he does or deals meth. Meth is serious, it's a big issue and for most mothers it would be a deal-breaker. So a Business man in Colorado who has a Plant distribution of maijuanna and sells it to folks is a bad father? Hhmmmm....His family would beg to differ, Roof over his head, Smokes it and can give his "professional" knowledge to his customers. (PS-I personally don't care for the stuff, Yet its a profit making business and our govt is head over heals in love with the idea of keeping stoners's stoned!) As to Meth,- We do not know 100% or even if its slightly true that the Husband is partaking in it on a regular or addictive level. Hopefully the OP comes back with better news, My heart goes out to her raising two kids with little daily help.
Author mgk1177 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) Idk if he's using or not everyday. I know his weight does go up and down sometimes...and I'm pretty sure now that when his weight is down that's when he's probably using. Thinking about Mothers Day this past Sunday...I'm pretty sure he used that day too. He had all kinds of energy that day and did all kinds of yard work...he NEVER does that! And then after a day of being outside he went work at his boat till 2:30 in the morning. He has been sleeping and doing absolutely nothing around the house today and yesterday. Laid out on thebsofa sleeping or playing on his phone. He complained of a headache and his knees hurting him. I haven't said nothing about the pipe yet...idk why but I feel scared too I guess. In don't know how to bring it up. I'm still clueless on what to do. A part of me wants to blow up on him....and a part of me wants to blow it off which is not a good idea. This is NOT ok. Edited May 12, 2015 by mgk1177
Rejected Rosebud Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I think you need to talk to him about it and if he says he isn't doing it ask him if he is willing to be tested, how he reacts to that is going to tell you alot, if he is lying and sneaking there is a problem whether it's with your marriage or his drugs or both..
Author mgk1177 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 I just smashed it. He won't be using it again. I'll talk to him today sometime...maybe when the kids are asleep bc I don't wanna argue in front of them 1
beach Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Go have a grown up conversation with him. And have him leave the house. No need to argue - simply and calmly stated it is unacceptable and he needs to be removed from the house. If he begins to argue call the police. 1
Tayla Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Go have a grown up conversation with him. And have him leave the house. No need to argue - simply and calmly stated it is unacceptable and he needs to be removed from the house. If he begins to argue call the police. He pays the mortgage, he doesn't have to leave. What are the police going to do? Even if an adult is drunk in their own home, the police have to reason to arrest and remove from residence. yes sit and discuss in a respecting manner. The Op is not 100% sure, so its unwise to accuse. I honestly do not assume the man is guilty of anything other then working alot and coming home and not helping with the kids.
Author mgk1177 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) He admitted to it and says he feels like an idiot for doing so. Says he's been doing it on and off for awhile now. He says he doesn't want to lose his family and he will show me that he will stop. I asked him how would I be able to know that he has quit when its been going on for this long and I knew nothing about it. If he's using on and off it will only take a couple days to be out his system when he does do it so its not like a can just drug test him..it'll be hard to catch him that way. It'll be hard for me to trust him again. If I wouldn't have found the pipe...i could have never known and it would have just kept on.. Edited May 13, 2015 by mgk1177
Hope Shimmers Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Bah meth used to be a common weight loss drug. We give it to fighter pilots to stay awake on long missions. And we give it to kids with ADHD. Sure, they only get "amphetamine" but that little CH3 doesn't make much difference. OMG.... this is the worst post I have read on this forum in a long time. You are equating crystal meth with dextroamphetamine and amphetamine given therapeutically? Yes, let's let fighter pilots and heck, how about even commercial pilots start smoking crystal meth since it's so harmless? Unbelievable. 2
mrs rubble Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 He admitted to it and says he feels like an idiot for doing so. Says he's been doing it on and off for awhile now. He says he doesn't want to lose his family and he will show me that he will stop. I asked him how would I be able to know that he has quit when its been going on for this long and I knew nothing about it. If he's using on and off it will only take a couple days to be out his system when he does do it so its not like a can just drug test him..it'll be hard to catch him that way. It'll be hard for me to trust him again. If I wouldn't have found the pipe...i could have never known and it would have just kept on.. Best of luck, I hope for yours and the kid's sake he can keep off the stuff. Remind him regularly of the consequences of getting caught. There must be some sort of test's you can buy online somewhere, to keep at home, to test him randomly. When I split with my ex-bf over meth use, he said he'd give it up, but when I told him I'd do random tests (I work in a lab and have access to the tests.) he changed his mind about giving up.
TunaCat Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 If I wouldn't have found the pipe...i could have never known and it would have just kept on.. Don't think like that. Knowledge is power. Now you know what he's doing and now you have to decide what steps to take next.
GoBlue Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 People say lots of things when they get caught. There has to be clear indication from you to him that this will not be tolerated in any way. Speaking with a counselor about how to approach accountability with your husband could be helpful. Your husband needs to know that there will be consequences if he uses again, but he also needs to know that you love him and want to help him through this - for sake of your family and for his own well-being. Too many times we get over the confrontation hump and think it's all over. Now is the time to work together and develop a game plan to guarantee he will not go back. Again, a Pastor, mentor, or professional counselor could be very helpful. Have you considered asking him to enroll in AA or a 12 step group? 1
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