Hot girl in the gym: My Story

[cottom]

This story comes in 5 sections so it may be long and in depth. If someone can read the lot and give me an insight into what is going on in her head or even if she is interested, it is regarding a girl I met in the gym that I do not know how to push it further between us or how to read her signals at all…

 

1) I saw this HOT girl waiting outside one of the classes at the gym that I was also waiting for; I went up and asked if she was doing body combat, she said she was waiting for spin so I convinced her to do the class. All the girls in the gym that are attractive have a bf so I felt too nervous to put effort in and have her put me in the friend zone while she had a bf, but I did notice that her surname was the same as a girl I knew that lived on the back of my childhood house. I didn’t see her after this class for another month or so, but then I noticed she was waiting for an abs class that I was also going to do and she said hey as I walked up to the class. I stopped and spoke and asked about her surname and found she also lived on the back of my parents (I moved out January) and she knew my brother (same school year) aged 19. We started generally chatting in the gym and sort of became friends and would work together in the classes when we were both in at the same time, but that’s all we did.

[cottom]

2) I added her on facebook and chatted to her for a bit on there, gave her my number and she text me carrying on our fb convo but then after 2 or 3 texts back and forth she didn’t reply at all. I saw her in the gym 2 days later and she comes up and works out with me, convinces me to do a spin class with her and then we went sauna and steam room and chatted and she said how her friends had all gone to uni while she took a year out to work and relax but now has no mates left here so shes trying to make new friends. I took that as a “your just a friend” comment so thought oh well next girl. But then this is where the mixed signals would come in, I would be sat on one of the boxes and she would come sit next to me and chat then she would come and do the classes that I wanted to do but then I text her after one class when I got home with a joke about failing to get up my stairs, she replied laughing with a comeback saying one step at a time, I sent a message back 3 hours later saying her instructions weren’t clear I ended up doing something I cant remember now though, she never replied. Next day I was on a punching bag and took a breather and she come up and started kicking my punch bag attempting to copy me, I told her that was atrocious she said well I have to teach her then (other mates in the gym noticed this and made comments the next day about me and her), we chatted I would joke around have her laughing then we go to the steam room and chat then she says she is going and gets up goes without saying bye. Mixed signals!

 

3) Last Friday I asked her and my mate from the gym if they wanted to come out for a drink, they said yeah but I didn’t see her all week in the gym as if she was avoiding coming in. I facebook message her Friday and she said she had to see family that night so just me and my mate went out and had a good night. In the gym Monday we was speaking and she come up so we told her how good that night was and she missed out she said she will have to come out next time definitely. So I asked her if she wants to go for a drink Friday, she said Saturday was better for her so I said yeah sure and left it there. Again I didn’t see her all week in the gym as if she was avoiding me, so Saturday comes and with low hopes I gave her a call and she answers as if happy to hear off me. I tell her about plans for the night she says “I can’t, I have work in the morning” I say okay how about come early and leave early, she says that she can do that if we go at 8 for an hour or two for a drink.

[cottom]

1) 4) 8’o clock comes along and I pick her up in a taxi, I was going a posh club with all mates after so I was in full suit, I felt a little over dressed but looked good. We were having drinks, it started a little slow with gym talk and asked questions about each other but then after a few glasses of wine we opened up and talked about sexuality, one night stands and more entertaining conversation, she said she had one one-night stand and it was pretty crappy I said I had none but thinking about it now I’ve had 3 but they all turned into relationships so I never really counted them before. She said I looked nice but should take the stud in my ear out to look more mature, I did. Then after more drinks she convinced herself to stay and go a club for a dance, all my mates were there already, there was about 20 of them and I knew everyone else as well in the club it seemed so I introduced her to everyone in there, thinking she can make some friends. In the club, she would be dancing with me grinding on me, getting close, holding my hand, then she would bring her face in close to mine, I would go for the kiss and shed pull away as if she was just leading me on but didn’t actually want it. Then we had some more drinks, other guys would come up dancing on her and she would get close and do the same to them that she did to me (the kind of close where you think that the guy has a guaranteed pull) but as soon as she pulls away from their kiss she would grab my hand and pull herself back on to me. We did kiss a open mouthed long one then she pulled away and said “no I just want to dance and have fun”. I took that as an im not interested, then 10 minutes later we are at the bar and she leans in and kisses me. We went back on the dance floor but then left like half an hour later, in the taxi again as she got out she leaned in and kissed me on the lips goodbye. The next morning she text me at 7am that she was still a little tipsy :’), and then 45 minutes later to say her manager still hadn’t turned up what a joke! I replied saying I don’t know how she is still standing, hows the hangover at work? She read it and never replied. At that point I left it because I knew I would see her in the gym the next day.

 

 

 

5) In the gym today, I walk up and she sees me and says heyy, I sit next to her and we start chatting about the Saturday night. We then go into pairs for the gym class and we go together, she is more happy and more talkative than she was before the weekend. We then get broken up for same sex work and have to do this partner work we had joked about on Saturday, as soon as the PT announced the move we both looked at each other and laughed. Then we were doing individual work and I kept catching her looking at me. The class ended and I started talking to another guy and she came over and joined in the talk it was about holidays and she was going on a girly party holiday in a few weeks but then she said while glancing at me “I’m not going to go all out and party, its more of a chill break”. After the class she normally goes home and I go and do boxing, tonight she went in the changing room then came out a minute later and asked if I wanted to do some boxing. So we went in and I taught her how to box, showed her all the moves, she then said she wanted to do situps with her legs wrapped round a punching bag, so I had to help hold her legs but to balance it was right on the inside of the thigh which is pretty intimate in my opinion but she had no issues at all. We did that for 3 sets of 10 then left, she said bye as she went in the changing room and I said bye and left too.

[pteromom]

Sounds like she is interested. What's the issue?

[fitnessfan365]

Already gave you advice awhile ago. After the first few classes you should have been direct and asked her out in person. Something as simple as "You look hot today, but I bet you look even better in street clothes. Let's grab a drink".

 

Now I will say that she seems like she is going out of her way to get you to have physical contact with her. So at least she is trying to make it somewhat obvious. However, if you keep dilly-dallying and beating around the bush, eventually she'll write you off as having no balls. To be honest, I am surprised she hasn't already since you've spent weeks and weeks in the gym buddy zone.

Edited May 11, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[cottom]

I know, you told me not to text to ask out, to ask out in person so i did the next time i saw her in the gym. If you read through the 5 sections to the story you would see that i did in fact take her for drinks and we kissed and she stayed out till 3am despite originally planning to be back at 11pm as she had to be up for work at 5am. Then in the gym she was more open etc, but i cant tell if it was the alcohol that made us kiss and then she was more friendlier to me in the gym because she sees were closer mates or that she is interested.

[cottom]

Sounds like she is interested. What's the issue?

 

I just wanted others confirmation, because my mates told me nah leave it let her make the effort and come for me. I just couldnt tell if she wants to be mates or she is interested,

[CarrieT]

Bad move with taking her to a club with mates. Too social of a setting to really get to know her and learn about her.

 

Invite her on a proper date; dinner with just the two of you. Talk. Be a gentleman, not a player.

 

No way to know if she likes you or not - you haven't given her a real chance.

[cottom]

Bad move with taking her to a club with mates. Too social of a setting to really get to know her and learn about her.

 

Invite her on a proper date; dinner with just the two of you. Talk. Be a gentleman, not a player.

 

No way to know if she likes you or not - you haven't given her a real chance.

 

At 8, we met up and went to a quiet bar where we sat outside and had some drinks just the two of us. We didnt meet up with all them until about 11pm when we bumped into them in the club too.

[CarrieT]

At 8, we met up and went to a quiet bar where we sat outside and had some drinks just the two of us.

Should have ended the date there.

 

Leave her wanting more...

[pteromom]

I just wanted others confirmation, because my mates told me nah leave it let her make the effort and come for me. I just couldnt tell if she wants to be mates or she is interested,

 

Instead of leaving, she hung around the gym longer to box with you. She's interested!

 

Quit second-guessing yourself until you chase her off. Ask her out again already.

 

Your mates are wrong. A man makes an effort for what he wants, instead of sitting around waiting to see what happens. Go get her! It may work out and it may not, but if you don't try, it is guaranteed not to work out, so you lose nothing by trying.

[fitnessfan365]

A man makes an effort for what he wants, instead of sitting around waiting to see what happens. Go get her! It may work out and it may not, but if you don't try, it is guaranteed not to work out, so you lose nothing by trying.

 

Awesome post and I agree. If a woman likes you, she won't be put off by you making effort, contacting her, etc.. Instead of waiting around, I'd rather go after what I want.

 

Example - Recently I had a truly great first date. Ended in a kiss close and we both commented on how much we enjoyed the night and the kissing. We agreed we wanted to see each other again. So I send a follow up text the next morning. She responds saying she had a great time too. We exchange one more text a piece instantly. Then I say "The date just flowed and your lips have been on my mind." No response at all on that first day. Then she didn't respond at all on the second day either. But I acted unfazed by this, and called her in the early evening of that second day. leaving a voice mail. Since it's been two days since the voice mail with no call back, I know she changed her mind. But at least I went for it, and took a shot.

 

*** I will admit though, this made no sense to me at all. She responded stressing she had a good time too, and responded playfully to my text as well instantly. But my harmless comment scared her off. When two people have an awesome kiss and comment on it afterwards, it's only natural to mention it again. Yet for whatever reason, that completely changed her opinion of me. Oh well..LOL

Edited May 11, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[cottom]

I sometimes get the feeling she may be hesitant because she is going to university in London in September. But i also move to London in August.

 

That conversation i literally just remembered seems a big sign:

 

"Work put me here for 6 months, so in August im moving to London"

"No way, im going to London in September"

"Ah really, i thought you was going to university in Roehampton? thats south London, im more central"

"Yeah but its only 20 minutes from my uni to you in the center"

 

That to me is a signal of justifying how close we actually are in London together, I may be looking into it a bit to much over analysing etc, and the kiss was probably a drunken kiss, and she hung out extra in the gym today because she thinks were better friends or something but i may aswell take the shot because 3 months time comes and there are no more shots to take.

[ascendotum]

Bad move with taking her to a club with mates. Too social of a setting to really get to know her and learn about her.

 

Invite her on a proper date; dinner with just the two of you. Talk. Be a gentleman, not a player.

 

No way to know if she likes you or not - you haven't given her a real chance.

 

I think the way it played out was fine. He had a 1 on 1 date with her early on. He had a suit on for the 2nd posh nite club, which is over dressed for her but at the same time he could look really good in that gear and make a good impression. The 2nd club was a posh club so that would help with her impression of him. He he had a whole swag of mates there, again that would make a good impression with social proof. Even though his mates were there he got time with her and got in plenty of dancing with her and went for the kiss. While she might have felt uncomfortable making out with him in front of his mates there was going to be be limited opportunity for sex if she had to get up for work early that morning. I think it played out okay. He still gets to see her at the gym the following week to follow up with building the connection in 1 on 1.

 

The fact that she is going to UK in 4mths time might put her off getting involved with him. She might not want anything long term with him, and wont want him trying to hang around her in London. Who knows, but he's still in the running as far as I can see.

[cottom]

I think the way it played out was fine. He had a 1 on 1 date with her early on. He had a suit on for the 2nd posh nite club, which is over dressed for her but at the same time he could look really good in that gear and make a good impression. The 2nd club was a posh club so that would help with her impression of him. He he had a whole swag of mates there, again that would make a good impression with social proof. Even though his mates were there he got time with her and got in plenty of dancing with her and went for the kiss. While she might have felt uncomfortable making out with him in front of his mates there was going to be be limited opportunity for sex if she had to get up for work early that morning. I think it played out okay. He still gets to see her at the gym the following week to follow up with building the connection in 1 on 1.

 

The fact that she is going to UK in 4mths time might put her off getting involved with him. She might not want anything long term with him, and wont want him trying to hang around her in London. Who knows, but he's still in the running as far as I can see.

 

 

Exactly this, i felt like it went well, she turned up for a 1 on 1 drinks, i showed her my popularity, she wanted to spend more time with me despite having work in the morning, we kissed, she wasnt awkward at the gym, even wanting to work with me and then spend further time 1 on 1 boxing session and letting me hold her inner upper thigh as she did sit ups.

 

But then is it her being friendly? I know 99% of girls will kiss a guy they consider a friend when they get drunk as a bit of fun. Does she just see me as a decent mate?

[SycamoreCircle]

but i may aswell take the shot because 3 months time comes and there are no more shots to take.

I would encourage you to stop thinking in these terms. She likes you. But this desperation you're feeling for her is a major obstacle. Relax, man. Accept that things don't always turn out how we'd like. Accept that the two of you may move to London and circumstances change entirely. She's aware of that. She's aware that put into a different environment with different men and different opportunities, she's going to feel different.

 

If you focus on letting things just happen, chances are she will continue to seek you out. No one wants to be around someone who has directives. It's no fun.

 

The reality: months from now you could be in a committed relationship with her.

 

The reality: months from now you could be nothing but a memory.

 

Accept that. Accept that you have no control over this. Observe her. Listen to her. The path will become clearer.

[anna121]

I sometimes get the feeling she may be hesitant because she is going to university in London in September. But i also move to London in August.

 

That conversation i literally just remembered seems a big sign:

 

"Work put me here for 6 months, so in August im moving to London"

"No way, im going to London in September"

"Ah really, i thought you was going to university in Roehampton? thats south London, im more central"

"Yeah but its only 20 minutes from my uni to you in the center"

 

That to me is a signal of justifying how close we actually are in London together, I may be looking into it a bit to much over analysing etc, and the kiss was probably a drunken kiss, and she hung out extra in the gym today because she thinks were better friends or something but i may aswell take the shot because 3 months time comes and there are no more shots to take.

 

Ok - the way I read that convo is that she was trying to send you the msg that she doesn't want anything long term and was using the London thing to do that. It'll be interesting to see how she deals with the fact that you won't be all that far from each other. She might find another excuse.

[cottom]

Anna, is that based on me being the one saying im here till august and then her saying shes going london too only 20 minutes away...?

 

To me that felt like me pushing away that i am central london and her at uni and her justifying that we are only 20 minutes away, not the other way round

[cottom]

2 more things to add to make me a little more confused with mixed signals:

 

1) On saturday night, i just remembered after we kissed the first time and she kinda pulled away and rejected it saying no she wants to dance and have fun, she said to me 5 minutes after "whats your type of girl ill try and set you up in here with her" ... this confused me i didnt really know what to say seeing how she is my type but saying that gives her the upper hand on me but saying someone else is off putting in my opinion, if a girl said to me she liked someone else id think fair enough and walk away.

 

2) In the gym today, just then i was going to do a spin class, i bumped into her coming out of a class and mentioned i was going to do spin in joggers and she said im going to die itll be to hot. So then i go into spin, she comes in 2 minutes later, glances at me and goes over to her bike, she never looked at me once in the class. During it a song came on which became a sort of in joke on Saturday...(my mates left this one club, we was going to go to but this song came on and we really like it so we stayed and danced to it then left. We sang it as we walked to the next club and then as soon as we got in there the song just started again and it became our song for the night), this song came on in the class and she didnt bat an eyelid, just carried on doing her thing and didnt even look at me to acknowledge the moment. After the class she just walked out and into the girls gym which guys arent allowed in.

[CarrieT]

After kissing you she offers to set you up with someone else?!?!

 

You have been FriendZoned! There is no going back and she has essentially written you off.

 

Sorry.

[cottom]

thsnks, thats all i wanted to hear really! so i know to try some other girl out now! But then she said that then kissed me 2 more times... this is what mixed signals does

 

You arent interested in the girl that much but then they play these mind games, they keep you wondering does she doesnt she and its like a mental puzzle, people get frustrated when they cant work out the answer and then it consumes them and takes up most of their time thinking about it. You then assosciate that with thinking about them and not getting that person out your head...but it isnt, its just the pursuit of an answer, wanting to know yes or no, they say no and you move on and forget about them easy

[fitnessfan365]

Haha.. I like this girl. She's being playful and just a bit of a challenge to make you work for it. I mean in the club she makes out with you and then says she wants to dance. Then a little while later she comes and kisses you again and playfully asks what your type of girl is. Dude.. this is her flirting with you. In a situation like that you need to tease her and say "Well the jury is still out on you, but kiss me again and we'll see". Just keep it light.

 

Now I apologize ahead of time for sounding harsh. It's obvious you don't know what to look for. But the only "mixed signals" and "mind games" were coming from you. I mean this girl gave you so many signals she was practically flashing a neon sign above her head. I mean she went out with you, got physical multiple times in the club, gave you a goodnight kiss, and then wanted you touching her in the gym the next time you saw her. Then she manages to "bump into you" outside the class, and as she walks in, looks right at you, communicating "Come talk to me". But you just left her hanging.

 

When she said "It will be so hot" that was a good opportunity to flirt and get a bit physical. Pull her in by the small of her back, whisper that it won't be as hot as it was kissing you the other night, and give her a gentle smack on the ass after you say it. Remember, this is a girl you already kissed three times. Plus she wanted you touching her at the gym. So by now you've developed a certain type of familiarity to get away with that stuff. Then you follow up by walking up to her in class after she looked at you, and ask her out again. However, my guess is that she finally got sick of waiting and you not being assertive. To be honest, I am surprised she gave you a shot in the first place since you spent weeks and weeks being her gym buddy.

 

After kissing you she offers to set you up with someone else?!?!

 

You have been FriendZoned! There is no going back and she has essentially written you off.

 

Sorry.

 

She said it after they kissed twice, so the way that it comes off to me is that she is being playful. "Why don't you tell me about your ideal girl and I'll set you up with her" meaning that she is hoping that it's her. So if he had played along like I suggested "The jury is still out on you, but kiss me and we'll see" that it could have been a fun hot exchange. They kiss again, she asks "What about now?' etc..Plus, you have to remember that she initiated a kiss goodnight after the fact too so that confirms it was playfulness to me. As I said, I think this girl is great and like her style. The OP just didn't know what to look for and how to handle it.

Edited May 12, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[ascendotum]

She said it after they kissed twice, so the way that it comes off to me is that she is being playful. "Why don't you tell me about your ideal girl and I'll set you up with her" meaning that she is hoping that it's her. So if he had played along like I suggested "The jury is still out on you, but kiss me and we'll see" that it could have been a fun hot exchange. They kiss again, she asks "What about now?' etc..Plus, you have to remember that she initiated a kiss goodnight after the fact too so that confirms it was playfulness to me. As I said, I think this girl is great and like her style. The OP just didn't know what to look for and how to handle it.

 

Its a shame he did not playfully flirt back when she made that comment in the club. It took it the wrong way (or maybe he read it as she meant it). I like your approach. My instinct would have gone with something like 'if you want to know what sort of girl I fancy, then just look in the mirror' or 'no need to search, I'm already with her'. At least if he done something like that he would been more certain ground now, one way or the other. I think she might have been flirting with him, but its also possible she's been playing along with him for fun the other times and she likes him but is not really into him and does not want to get involved with anyone before she leaves for London. Plenty of confident fun girls do that as they flit amongst guys.

 

The last thing he added with her not looking at him when their club song of the night came on during their spin class, I thought was not a good sign that she felt no connection with him from the night then.

[cottom]

My experience in the past is with girls that have thrown themselves at me, all guns blazing. Ive also spent 2 years in a relationship, 2 months single, 2 year relarionship, 3 months single, 2 year relatiomship, 1 day single, 3 month relationship

 

Now im single for half a year now and moving into my own place and not having a girl is wierd to me and i think the way the last one broke up took a lot of confidence out of me, 2 years i find out shes cheating for 2 months on my bday. I regain it and get in 2 flings and a relationship but went in to hard with feelings and scared them off... now i doubt myself and my abilities to get with girls and it puts a mental block, i start to see signs that arent there to say pull put leave it as it is

[cottom]

I messaged her asking if she wants to go for drinks after the gym without staying out till 3am this time, heres hoping she replies...

 

She has a tendancy to read a message and not reply but ill see her in the gym the day after and she is fine, confusing