UnknownPerson Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Hello everyone, First of all it is kinda strange to post in an online relationship site, but i feel its a necessity as my friends never experienced a 'real' break up or are simply not mature enough to really understand the feelings of a bad break up. Still i love my friends and have an awesome social circle. Here goes: Dated this girl for 4 year which 2 year consisted of living together. 3,5 years of the relationship went perfect, we were the couple everyone dreamed to be. Our honeymoon phase basically lasted 2 years. However, 6 months ago we both got caught up in our studies and she met a lot of new people which she hanged out with. Looking back at it we slowly drifted apart because it seemed she would rather hang out with them then with me (which was never the case before). Forward 6 months the conversation comes, she doubts about us as we are to 'different'. Obviously i was heartbroken and i knew deep down it was over. However after a lot of crying from both sides we decided to give it our best shot, only to find out she cheated a week later on my birthday and was texting this other guy for the past month. Really... on my birthday aswell. She tells me she is in love with the other guy and i leave the house, so in that frame i lost my girl and house, thank god i kept my dignity as i learnt about no contact. Keeping no contact is god awful, we are 1 month out of our relation and keeping contact as little as possible. Its impossible to go full no contact as we lived together and only now just finished all the documents etc... Recently i also lost a family member which makes things worse as she tries to contact me to be supportive. I dont know where i got the strength but i managed to say that i dont want contact. Some things i struggle with and hope for some wisdom from you folks How do you deal with the feeling of wanting to hear from ex just to know they still care about you? how come they can become so cold overnight? We still went on a trip together two weeks before we broke up.... she seemed genially happy about us? How long will i feel like a pregnant women (Emotional unstable) How come you still want your loved one back even after they screwed you over so much? Alright, i vented enough, any replies are much appreciated!
LooperDooper Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 First off, you are in the right place. Sometimes our friends and family are a HUGE help, but also we like to be anonymous and be honest about our life to get a different perspective. I'm sure you will get a lot of help on this site and you can vent whenever you want to somebody who will eventually listen and reply. Second, I feel for you and I praise you for being as strong as you have been. It hurts like hell and it's going to suck for some time, but keep maintaining NC as much as possible, keep grieving as much as you need, and start thinking about only you. Take some days to feel like crap and "pregnant" lol but then start changing your mindset. You were with this girl for 4 years and you were very good to her for a long time. You make it sound as she was very happy with you but things change after 4 years and maybe things got dull. She probably found some new excitement and left right away, it hurts like hell but you need to be strong. Her new guy might last, it might not, but you have to prevent an obsession of thoughts about them, wondering if she thinks about you, etc etc. I urge you to continue using moral support in the moments where you feel very hurtful. Do not contact her ever, she cheated on you and as much as you might feel the need to feel validated by her or for her to feel sorry, you need to focus on you. Try and make her disappear from your life as much as possible and whenever you do HAVE to see her, make sure she sees you looking sharp, happy and at least have a pretend smile for the time being. I am one of those people who will not give my ex the satisfaction of seeing me sad, depressed or generally moody because of them. Do not raise their ego. Be you and cry when you need to, but after some time get out there and try your hardest to be happy and to change your mindset into realizing you are a much better person. If the girl was able to cheat on you, she'll likely do it again with somebody who promises the world only to trick her into getting in bed with them. She lost out and one day she will regret it. But you gotta show her what she missed out on by being greater than ever, show her you can be a much better person without her. Be strong, hang in there, reach out and smile. Time will help and you will be stronger.
Author UnknownPerson Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 First off, you are in the right place. Sometimes our friends and family are a HUGE help, but also we like to be anonymous and be honest about our life to get a different perspective. I'm sure you will get a lot of help on this site and you can vent whenever you want to somebody who will eventually listen and reply. Second, I feel for you and I praise you for being as strong as you have been. It hurts like hell and it's going to suck for some time, but keep maintaining NC as much as possible, keep grieving as much as you need, and start thinking about only you. Take some days to feel like crap and "pregnant" lol but then start changing your mindset. You were with this girl for 4 years and you were very good to her for a long time. You make it sound as she was very happy with you but things change after 4 years and maybe things got dull. She probably found some new excitement and left right away, it hurts like hell but you need to be strong. Her new guy might last, it might not, but you have to prevent an obsession of thoughts about them, wondering if she thinks about you, etc etc. I urge you to continue using moral support in the moments where you feel very hurtful. Do not contact her ever, she cheated on you and as much as you might feel the need to feel validated by her or for her to feel sorry, you need to focus on you. Try and make her disappear from your life as much as possible and whenever you do HAVE to see her, make sure she sees you looking sharp, happy and at least have a pretend smile for the time being. I am one of those people who will not give my ex the satisfaction of seeing me sad, depressed or generally moody because of them. Do not raise their ego. Be you and cry when you need to, but after some time get out there and try your hardest to be happy and to change your mindset into realizing you are a much better person. If the girl was able to cheat on you, she'll likely do it again with somebody who promises the world only to trick her into getting in bed with them. She lost out and one day she will regret it. But you gotta show her what she missed out on by being greater than ever, show her you can be a much better person without her. Be strong, hang in there, reach out and smile. Time will help and you will be stronger. First of all thank you for you reply, you nailed the feelings. As for the cheating part, she has done it before so going into the relation i knew she was capable of. I still trusted her however, probably because she was my first everything really.. I am doing pretty well on the obsession part, obviously the first week was continuously thinking about them, never felt so bad in my life. It's gotten better though, only mornings are a pain, especially after a night out. Because of mutual friends i have to see her some time eventually, as you said i will try to 'look' as happy as possible. I hope i dont have to see her to soon though. Thx again for the reply, it always feels good knowing you are not the only one dealing with this messed up situation
imbax Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Hello everyone, First of all it is kinda strange to post in an online relationship site, but i feel its a necessity as my friends never experienced a 'real' break up or are simply not mature enough to really understand the feelings of a bad break up. Still i love my friends and have an awesome social circle. Here goes: Dated this girl for 4 year which 2 year consisted of living together. 3,5 years of the relationship went perfect, we were the couple everyone dreamed to be. Our honeymoon phase basically lasted 2 years. However, 6 months ago we both got caught up in our studies and she met a lot of new people which she hanged out with. Looking back at it we slowly drifted apart because it seemed she would rather hang out with them then with me (which was never the case before). Forward 6 months the conversation comes, she doubts about us as we are to 'different'. Obviously i was heartbroken and i knew deep down it was over. However after a lot of crying from both sides we decided to give it our best shot, only to find out she cheated a week later on my birthday and was texting this other guy for the past month. Really... on my birthday aswell. She tells me she is in love with the other guy and i leave the house, so in that frame i lost my girl and house, thank god i kept my dignity as i learnt about no contact. Keeping no contact is god awful, we are 1 month out of our relation and keeping contact as little as possible. Its impossible to go full no contact as we lived together and only now just finished all the documents etc... Recently i also lost a family member which makes things worse as she tries to contact me to be supportive. I dont know where i got the strength but i managed to say that i dont want contact. Some things i struggle with and hope for some wisdom from you folks How do you deal with the feeling of wanting to hear from ex just to know they still care about you? how come they can become so cold overnight? We still went on a trip together two weeks before we broke up.... she seemed genially happy about us? How long will i feel like a pregnant women (Emotional unstable) How come you still want your loved one back even after they screwed you over so much? Alright, i vented enough, any replies are much appreciated! Your relationship story is very similar to mine as my ex started a new work place and grew distant away from me. She ended up spending more time with friends at her work and did not want to meet me anymore. She told me she needed space and we always have small arguments about the same things. I never heard from her ever again (broke NC once 1 week post BU) but she never answered. I am feeling a lot better these days after almost a month. You are at around the same time frame as me right? I suggest finding something you enjoy doing and doing it with motivation and passion and forgetting about her all together as she clearly did not want us in their lives, why even bother
Author UnknownPerson Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Your relationship story is very similar to mine as my ex started a new work place and grew distant away from me. She ended up spending more time with friends at her work and did not want to meet me anymore. She told me she needed space and we always have small arguments about the same things. I never heard from her ever again (broke NC once 1 week post BU) but she never answered. I am feeling a lot better these days after almost a month. You are at around the same time frame as me right? I suggest finding something you enjoy doing and doing it with motivation and passion and forgetting about her all together as she clearly did not want us in their lives, why even bother Strange huh? That a person becomes so distant after a relationship. I am a month out yes, instead of me contacting her it is her contacting me. As you probably can imagine the feeling is so double, you want contact even though rationally you dont want contact. I wish you all the best, stay strong
imbax Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I'm not too sure if it's better to get some contact from her or not. I would like some contact just to know she still thinks about me or cares. But Its seriously like I never existed and I haven't heard from her ever since. So weird. Ah well. Stay strong buddy we are all in this together
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