dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I don't know any man who got a relationship as a result of being hooked up with female friends. I had female friends in HS and college and that never did a damn thing for me. I think it's one of those things that people say because it sounds good in theory And proven over and over again. But sure, you are a data point that says "nay" Okay. Great.
Revolver Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 A social circle can help but the females in my social circle always tried to hook my good looking friend up over me.. So even in set ups women will only do if if they think their friend will be somewhat attracted to you physically The guys who get set up tend to have no problems getting girls in the first place, and to be honest you can't blame women. Why would I set up a female family friend with a loser? 1
AD1980 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 The guys who get set up tend to have no problems getting girls in the first place, and to be honest you can't blame women. Why would I set up a female family friend with a loser? Lol fair point..The funny thing is they really liked me as a friend and always said what an arrogant jerk my friend was but because of how attractive he was set him up with women which I guess I can't blame them for
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Yeah I'm 34 now and all my friends are married with kids so not only do I have no social circle but nobody to go out with to try to socialize with other women much. I tried old but I'm not physically attractive enough to get any dates in there OLD is BS. OLD was just starting to branch out when I first started dating. I knew it would be a total disaster for many people. So many people think, I will throw a quick and easy profile up, say "Hi" to 63 people and meet the love of my life. But the thing is, we (okay, the rest of y'all) lose a lot of context on OLD and unless someone is REALLY engaging (not just looks, but hey maybe) then they are likely NOT going to meet. Because dudes are all looking at the same 5% of women on OLD. And frankly, not as many women are on OLD. Because we don't trust it as much. We really don't. Lots of danger and weird stories and weird-ass guys that hang around their computer all day not really having a life outside it *cough*. We are far more likely to click IRL. Women are really social-connecty creatures (in general) and you are much more likely to meet women in social settings and in settings that encourage thoughtfulness etc. Break it down. Are you where there are women? If not. Think about that. You aren't meeting women because you are not where there are many. Same with women having trouble finding men. They tend to be where men aren't. Me: fat girl. I went to DeVry Calgary after High School. Part of that was strategic. With only 3 women in my class, that made me a very big exception. Talk about eliminating the competition. One was 50 and the other one was married. To think, if I could have stood programming, I might be happily married today. LOL Instead, I am just married. Doubt me? I know a super-skinny homeless dude that is 29. THAT I KNOW OF in the last six months he has banged: a 19 year old, a pretty 26 year old and is now dating a beautiful girl. Seriously gorgeous. Black hair blue eyes. Wow. Why? He listens to women. He seriously has this way of being hyper-social around them and compliments them etc. Finds out what their dreams are and kind of "dreams with them" etc. So seriously guys, this guy..... he's kind of an idiot and doesn't have a house. Yet, here he is dating this chick with a car. (No he's not my husband. My husband coincidentally also met me while homeless. This is a friend of his.) 1
Gwwm123 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 OP Welcome to the club, I have given up to, and let me tell you, finding that person you love and not being able to be with her is just the worst feeling you will ever go through. Its better not to experiment heartbreak because it hurts like hell. Accept reality, eventually you will feel much much better even being single. If you are single for the rest of your life think that most relationships just end up in a dead end and its better to be alone and happy than miserable with someone. Learn and instrument, go to the gym, join a sports club or just practice by yourself. All of that will make being single not bad at all. Cheer up mate, it gets better. This comes from somebody who has been heartbroken twice by the same woman and is still going through the process of getting over her but, I see light at the end, It isn't brightest but it gives a lovely light.
Hawaii51 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I'm just looking for an independent 8 with the right kind of daddy issues and has been through some stuff. Basically, I like a light green lawn, it's easier to maintain. 2
AD1980 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 OLD is BS. OLD was just starting to branch out when I first started dating. I knew it would be a total disaster for many people. So many people think, I will throw a quick and easy profile up, say "Hi" to 63 people and meet the love of my life. But the thing is, we (okay, the rest of y'all) lose a lot of context on OLD and unless someone is REALLY engaging (not just looks, but hey maybe) then they are likely NOT going to meet. Because dudes are all looking at the same 5% of women on OLD. And frankly, not as many women are on OLD. Because we don't trust it as much. We really don't. Lots of danger and weird stories and weird-ass guys that hang around their computer all day not really having a life outside it *cough*. We are far more likely to click IRL. Women are really social-connecty creatures (in general) and you are much more likely to meet women in social settings and in settings that encourage thoughtfulness etc. Break it down. Are you where there are women? If not. Think about that. You aren't meeting women because you are not where there are many. Same with women having trouble finding men. They tend to be where men aren't. Me: fat girl. I went to DeVry Calgary after High School. Part of that was strategic. With only 3 women in my class, that made me a very big exception. Talk about eliminating the competition. One was 50 and the other one was married. To think, if I could have stood programming, I might be happily married today. LOL Instead, I am just married. Doubt me? I know a super-skinny homeless dude that is 29. THAT I KNOW OF in the last six months he has banged: a 19 year old, a pretty 26 year old and is now dating a beautiful girl. Seriously gorgeous. Black hair blue eyes. Wow. Why? He listens to women. He seriously has this way of being hyper-social around them and compliments them etc. Finds out what their dreams are and kind of "dreams with them" etc. So seriously guys, this guy..... he's kind of an idiot and doesn't have a house. Yet, here he is dating this chick with a car. (No he's not my husband. My husband coincidentally also met me while homeless. This is a friend of his.) It's hard for me to be where the women are at my age when my friends are all married with kids so my social life isn't what it use to be Last time I hit on a women was my friends July 4th party...I thought I hit it off with this English girl figured if never see her again and ask for her number she pretended she was about to give it to me then ran to her friend and avoided me the rest of the night it was pretty humiliating
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 It's hard for me to be where the women are at my age when my friends are all married with kids so my social life isn't what it use to be Last time I hit on a women was my friends July 4th party...I thought I hit it off with this English girl figured if never see her again and ask for her number she pretended she was about to give it to me then ran to her friend and avoided me the rest of the night it was pretty humiliating Yes, it's hard. Yes, there are jerks. Yes rejection is embarsassing. It is also survivable. Can you tell I work in sales? Some days it gets hard to get that Umph going. Some days it's nothing but rejections. Some days it's a hundred rejections. Each rejection is one step closer to a YES. And I want a frigging vacation this year. So I will be getting those Yeses. Life doesn't get any easier my friend. You get older, things stop working. So, how are you going to spend the finite time you get down here? Letting **** pass you by, or fighting that tide and having some fun and some life. You only get one shot at it. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 It's hard for me to be where the women are at my age when my friends are all married with kids so my social life isn't what it use to be Last time I hit on a women was my friends July 4th party...I thought I hit it off with this English girl figured if never see her again and ask for her number she pretended she was about to give it to me then ran to her friend and avoided me the rest of the night it was pretty humiliating I am married. Looks like divorce headed this way too. There are lots of second-chancers and single folk who haven't made that connection yet. I really gotta ask, what exactly do you have to lose by really putting yourself out there? I mean, if you are hitting on one woman per year....yikes that's low odds. A lot of the men labelled "Alpha" () are really just guys who tend to put themselves out there a lot more. And these "nice guys" get so sick of them "always getting the girls." Well, really, if you aren't even going bother to talk to us, and buddy over there shows he's interested, who do you think we are going to go with. Same with sales. A lot of what I close isn't because "we are really the greatest" (okay, we are) but really, we put ourselves out there. I used to run a cleaning service. Talk about subjective. Cleaners range from the $10/hr to the over $100/hr. All kinds of products, many different kinds of restrictions or services. We customized ours. Was everyone happy all the time. No. We did pretty good though. We really did get the job done. Some people thought $25/he was too expensive. Some people thought $30/he was too expensive. WE charged $40 which was around industry standard at the time. Nowadays I would charge around $50ish. And guess what? Did we lose people every time we had a price increase? Yes, some. Everyone has a budget. But overall....we actually gained nicer clients with better houses. Our $40/hr clients were way less headtrip than our $20/hr clients. By far. In fact our original $20/hr client was one of our least favorite. And she thought we were overcharging! She was also our richest. No thanks. A lot of our $40/hr clients tipped as well. That was interesting. Our services wasn't any different. Our products no better. But what we charged reflected SOMETHING to those people. Perhaps a certain level of professionalism. Who knows. I just know that the more you value yourself and put yourself out there, some may blah blah blah about who you are and what you are doing. But other people will say, "oh hey yeah that guy is totally worth that and more."
AD1980 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I am married. Looks like divorce headed this way too. There are lots of second-chancers and single folk who haven't made that connection yet. I really gotta ask, what exactly do you have to lose by really putting yourself out there? I mean, if you are hitting on one woman per year....yikes that's low odds. A lot of the men labelled "Alpha" () are really just guys who tend to put themselves out there a lot more. And these "nice guys" get so sick of them "always getting the girls." Well, really, if you aren't even going bother to talk to us, and buddy over there shows he's interested, who do you think we are going to go with. Same with sales. A lot of what I close isn't because "we are really the greatest" (okay, we are) but really, we put ourselves out there. I used to run a cleaning service. Talk about subjective. Cleaners range from the $10/hr to the over $100/hr. All kinds of products, many different kinds of restrictions or services. We customized ours. Was everyone happy all the time. No. We did pretty good though. We really did get the job done. Some people thought $25/he was too expensive. Some people thought $30/he was too expensive. WE charged $40 which was around industry standard at the time. Nowadays I would charge around $50ish. And guess what? Did we lose people every time we had a price increase? Yes, some. Everyone has a budget. But overall....we actually gained nicer clients with better houses. Our $40/hr clients were way less headtrip than our $20/hr clients. By far. In fact our original $20/hr client was one of our least favorite. And she thought we were overcharging! She was also our richest. No thanks. A lot of our $40/hr clients tipped as well. That was interesting. Our services wasn't any different. Our products no better. But what we charged reflected SOMETHING to those people. Perhaps a certain level of professionalism. Who knows. I just know that the more you value yourself and put yourself out there, some may blah blah blah about who you are and what you are doing. But other people will say, "oh hey yeah that guy is totally worth that and more." My problem is in pretty shy when I first meet people so hitting on women I don't know is not a strength of mine. I'm also a sensitive person so rejection scares the hell out of me..instead of looking at rejection like that's one step closer I look at it as confirmation that I'm unattractive
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Basically, doing something about it for anything and everything is something I resent about being a guy
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Basically, doing something about it for anything and everything is something I resent about being a guy My dear. Is is not a gender thing. I have done more than my fair share of approaching. I have had female friends that whinge about not being approached and hating being single. My advice to them: get with it. You want it, go after it. I would say YOLO but I don't want to throw up in my mouth. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Basically, doing something about it for anything and everything is something I resent about being a guy It pretty much universally applies to everyone. If I sit back and say "I never get hot guys who I am attracted to approaching me." Then someone might simply say: "perhaps you should put down the chocolate cake and pick up some weights and go for a walk." In fact, people say that to me completely unsolicited, and often not very kindly. Just because. And then I have to hit them with my cake. It's messy. 1
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 My dear. Is is not a gender thing. I have done more than my fair share of approaching. I have had female friends that whinge about not being approached and hating being single. My advice to them: get with it. You want it, go after it. I would say YOLO but I don't want to throw up in my mouth. Yes but men get criticised more than women do for being passive, men have full societal expectation to be assertive
Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Yes but men get criticised more than women do for being passive, men have full societal expectation to be assertive Ok, then please educate us here... I mean, appears that you are a "passive" man and prefer women to initiate, approach, etc. Can you give us some examples of situations (i.e. OLD, a guy you met at a party/down the street/in your hood/at the gym/at the workplace, etc) where we women may encounter a "passive" man and how we should proceed? Also, can you give us some advice on how we can distinguish "passive" vs. "not interested and/or attracted"? 1
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Yes but men get criticised more than women do for being passive, men have full societal expectation to be assertive Sigh. Yes. Men get criticized for being passive. Women get it for being passive, for being aggressive, for being not career oriented enough, too career oriented, slutty, uptight, thin, fat, ugly, bitchy, emotional, irrational, unnuturing, too permissive..... Trust me. As a woman you are always aggravating someone's idea of a norm. Guys get told to "do stuff about it." Women get told, "no matter what you do, do the opposite." Or "there's nothing you can do." You know what? Who really gives two craps? Who's there at the end of the day? Only me, the people that choose to stay by me and my kid who is stuck with me for the time being. That's who I care about. Everyone else can go suck it. They are external to who I am and where I am going. They can sit there with their wagging fingers and cakeless lives. I want my life the way that I want it (and with extreme consideration to my daughter). Some people on the planet have it easier/harder. It's life. It sucks. For some people it really sucks. Go to Africa, sit with the refugees and tell them how much it sucks that you are responsible for getting yourself a date. Don't give up because **** is tough. Say "you know what, this **** is super-tough for me. So I better get myself out of it, because this **** stinks, I don't want to sit in stinky ****." No one is going to give you fairy dust that attracts women. Those Axe commercials are bull****. I am guessing you are on LS partially because of these issues. The helpful advice you get back will not be "just take a number and wait for the Girlfriend Fairy to drop her off." If you want empathy, I got boatloads. They just aren't showing up in this thread. Because empathizing with someone straight-up saying "I give up" instead of "I feel like giving up" is not doing them any service IMHO.
La.Primavera Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 You are in your twenties and have never approached a woman you found attractive? You have been waiting for permission? Well that is your problem right there. It is not surprising you have never had a girlfriend. The truth is you have to actually approach women in order to get a girlfriend. If you are waiting for permission, you’ll be waiting forever. Look, I know it isn't easy but if you want it enough you will put yourself out there a face the possibility of rejection. Everyone who wants to find love has to take that risk. There is someone out there for everyone but you will never find your match if you don’t keep trying. You cared enough to start this thread so it obviously matters to you.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 One thing that pissed me off the most from reading somewhere, on a book about success with women, is it said that if you are resentful, no woman will want you, and it specifically mentioned that initiating without resentment is essential, imperative for success with women.
regine_phalange Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Why are you ugly? Can you tell us what's wrong with your appearance so we can have an idea? How do you dress? Also why is being ugly (I hate this word) the problem? Are you sure it isn't something else? I don't want to invalidate you, but I've seen plenty of globally-less-attractive guys with cute girls, and the opposite. So it happens! One person's garbage is another person's treasure. I know, it's easy to say that while I'm not in your shoes. And it's not easy for you to be self-assured when no one reflects that view. We all struggle with at least one aspect in our lives though. If i were you I would do this: I would approach women who are sweet, even though not as attractive. The ones who don't get approached. I would make polite conversation and get to know them, even go out to dates with them. There are so many women who need that, just like you do. I'm not saying to lead women on, just get to know the ones who could be your friends, even if you aren't that attracted. They may give you the acceptance you crave, and then you'll feel better about yourself. And who knows, maybe you'll end up falling for one of them. Conditions don't have to be perfect to begin with. This "all or nothing" thinking certainly leads to depression.
regine_phalange Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 One thing that pissed me off the most from reading somewhere, on a book about success with women, is it said that if you are resentful, no woman will want you, and it specifically mentioned that initiating without resentment is essential, imperative for success with women. It's kind of true. I'll speak for my self. Somehow I can sense who's going to resent me for not "living up" to their expectations for our interaction. I don't want to be around negativity. I don't want to make men more miserable than they are. I don't want to be accused for leading people on if I change my mind. Sometimes it's this thing I want to avoid and not the man. If a man is graceful about rejection and doesn't take it personally and he recognises that it's a natural thing, I think this is very classy. And I would respect him for this, to the point that my attraction could possibly increase. Because we all know that rejection stings. And someone who's hurt but has the strength to accept it for what it is without blaming himself or the woman, oh boy, we're talking about quality and dignity here. Because the true tendencies of a person show through rejection. You can read everything through it. You can see who blames himself too much. You can see who blames others too much. You can see who is level headed. You can see who's vindictive. You can see who's two-faced. You can see who's classy.
Satu Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 From my journal: To be loved, be loving. To find peace, be peaceful. To find forgiveness, be forgiving. To be cared about, be caring. To be treated kindly, be kind. To be understood, be understanding. To have friends, be friendly. (This list extends into infinity.) 1
Diezel Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 One thing that pissed me off the most from reading somewhere, on a book about success with women, is it said that if you are resentful, no woman will want you, and it specifically mentioned that initiating without resentment is essential, imperative for success with women. Would you want any person at all to approach you with resentment of any kind? That's no way to start any relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, or professional.
Revolver Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 And proven over and over again. But sure, you are a data point that says "nay" Okay. Great. By whom? To quote the late Whitney Houston, "I wanna see the receipts" How many male friends have you set up with your single female friends in your life?(open question to any woman here as well) And if you're a man reading this how many times have you been set up by a female friend? It's not that it doesn't happen, i don't think it happens nearly as often as people say. There's nothing wrong with that but weve seen countless threads from women talking about its good to have female friends for this reason. "The friend zone isn't that bad, she can hook you up with her single friends", yeah right lol I said it before, the guys who this happens to tend to have zero troubles with women in the first place.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I take it the OP has had no luck with online dating either
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