acuriousman99 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) I've been fighting it for a while, always wanting something I'll never have. And now, I realize it's over for me. I've never had a girlfriend, never had somebody to lean on who would accept me for me, and never had the chance/permission to even approach the women I find so attractive. They don't want me, none of them do. And for a while, I was upset with that. It drove me crazy and sent me into a depression for months/years. I used to see women I wanted to talk to for ages and yet could never go up to them because I knew they would instantly say no. They always do and this time would be no different, nobody loves ugly. Finally, I've made the decision to give up. Now, I don't even look at women I find attractive in the eyes, I know it's pointless and a waste of time. I keep my eyes straight ahead and ignore everything around me until it all fades away. I keep to myself because I know I'll always have one thing. The fantasy. The fantasy of them loving me. See, now I can pretend like it's always a happy ending. They always laugh and smile, they always hold my arm, and they always hug me and let me know I'm worth it. I never have to deal with rejection, depression, or sadness again. I can maintain that illusion forever and never worry about breaking it. Because I know the second I open my mouth, the fantasy is over. The cold hard truth makes itself clear and I can never go back to pretending we'll be together. That's all. Thank you for reading. Edited May 11, 2015 by acuriousman99
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 How old are you? I think he stated in another thread that he is in his mid 20's 1
Satu Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) The vast majority of people who consider themselves ugly, aren't ugly at all. ************************************************************ All in all Each man in all men all men in each man All being in each being Each being in all being All in each Each in all All distinctions are mind, by mind, in mind, of mind No distinctions no mind to distinguish - RD Laing, Knots. ************************************************************ Edited May 11, 2015 by Satu 3
Jonp219 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 The vast majority of people who consider themselves ugly, aren't ugly at all. ************************************************************ All in all Each man in all men all men in each man All being in each being Each being in all being All in each Each in all All distinctions are mind, by mind, in mind, of mind No distinctions no mind to distinguish - RD Laing, Knots. ************************************************************ What constitutes as ugly? I think I'm ugly, why? Because women never approach me, they rarely try to befriend me, they just avoid me every way possible. That's how I know I'M ugly.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Are you planning to bat for the other team now, or take a vow of celibacy? 3
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I sometimes wonder why God, Evolution gave Beta Males a sex drive
dreamingoftigers Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 For the love of..... That's right. We weren't all given the greatest features and private parts that could amaze crowds. So instead of making it all about a great loss of "never having this perfect fantasy" that NONE of US EVER HAVE maybe try living your life and picking what you want to do with it instead of protecting this perfect fantasy that only serves to depress the Hell out of you. Maybe try hitting the gym instead of your self-esteem. Keep trying 1000 different approaches until one of them stick. See what other guys that have success with women - and are "ugly" do to get and keep those women. Because Ugly guys date too. And reproduce. Let's assume that you actually are ugly. I am ugly. Big frigging deal. I am obese too. Am I going to date Brad Pitt and whatever that Thor guy is? No. Honestly. I don't really care. Brad Pitt looks a little pouty to me anyhow. But I digress. So should I crawl in the box and close the lid? Screw that (unless there's cake and a night light in there. Other than that, no deal.) But back to you, Ugly. So, you're Ugly. There are worse fates, ya know. Ugly people can still do things. And if you really are ugly that means you probably came from a whole long line of ugly ancestors. Those ugly features came from somewhere. And guess what? They screwed. They bumped uglies and made more uglies. And some of them were probably happy. And some of them were probably sad. But they did it. And so can you. Was it perfect for all of the uglies that came before you? No. Is it perfect for the beautiful ones that you can't get? No. So what do you do? Play the hand that you got dealt to the best of your ability. Because you know what? Maybe there's more to life than a perfect pretty girlfriend. Maybe she doesn't need big, ample breasts and a perfect waist to give you a hug. All of that goes to Hell with kids anyhow. Be realistic. Work what you have. Cripes. If it's really THAT DIRE. Work for a year, save up, move to a third-world country and get the "pretty girl" there because you are "rich like a king." Who needs plumbing anyway? The point is: whether or not you have what you want TODAY does not define you or the rest of your life. This applies to everything by the way. 9
dreamingoftigers Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I sometimes wonder why God, Evolution gave Beta Males a sex drive Maybe God/Evolution wanted traffic on internet forums. 5
AD1980 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I'm 35 and I've given up already..I'm much more happier when I'm not thinking about attracting a women..it hurt too much thinking about something I couldn't have.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 For the love of..... That's right. We weren't all given the greatest features and private parts that could amaze crowds. So instead of making it all about a great loss of "never having this perfect fantasy" that NONE of US EVER HAVE maybe try living your life and picking what you want to do with it instead of protecting this perfect fantasy that only serves to depress the Hell out of you. Maybe try hitting the gym instead of your self-esteem. Keep trying 1000 different approaches until one of them stick. See what other guys that have success with women - and are "ugly" do to get and keep those women. Because Ugly guys date too. And reproduce. Let's assume that you actually are ugly. I am ugly. Big frigging deal. I am obese too. Am I going to date Brad Pitt and whatever that Thor guy is? No. Honestly. I don't really care. Brad Pitt looks a little pouty to me anyhow. But I digress. So should I crawl in the box and close the lid? Screw that (unless there's cake and a night light in there. Other than that, no deal.) But back to you, Ugly. So, you're Ugly. There are worse fates, ya know. Ugly people can still do things. And if you really are ugly that means you probably came from a whole long line of ugly ancestors. Those ugly features came from somewhere. And guess what? They screwed. They bumped uglies and made more uglies. And some of them were probably happy. And some of them were probably sad. But they did it. And so can you. Was it perfect for all of the uglies that came before you? No. Is it perfect for the beautiful ones that you can't get? No. So what do you do? Play the hand that you got dealt to the best of your ability. Because you know what? Maybe there's more to life than a perfect pretty girlfriend. Maybe she doesn't need big, ample breasts and a perfect waist to give you a hug. All of that goes to Hell with kids anyhow. Be realistic. Work what you have. Cripes. If it's really THAT DIRE. Work for a year, save up, move to a third-world country and get the "pretty girl" there because you are "rich like a king." Who needs plumbing anyway? The point is: whether or not you have what you want TODAY does not define you or the rest of your life. This applies to everything by the way. I guess a lot guys should lower their standards
SycamoreCircle Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Let go of attachments. Your attachment has been to find her. Let go of it. Let go of the idea you have of being with a woman. Make your way. Trust yourself to do what is in your ability. Content yourself with what you have. Let go. 1
understand50 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 acuriousman99 Go to the The Art of Manliness and read up in relationships section. They have some good information for you. Also look at the "dress and grooming" section as well. I would also suggest you figure out if you just want to "find them, F**K them and then flee" or are you looking for someone to love and share a life with? I have the Latter, in the long run that is what is best. Also, you should look at all women. Looks always fade, but character stays. Are you passing up good women that have lots of love to offer and give ? Yes, relationships are hard, but anyone can do it, and for gods sake, stop the pity party. Women do not like it. Giving up is just makes you a "no go" in life. 307 2
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I guess a lot guys should lower their standards "Standards" It really isn't a "standard" if it isn't a "Standard thing." I am sure that there are scientists out there that wish they could live on the Sun. But guess what? It probably ain't gonna happen AND if it did they would probably whine about how bright and hot it was. And gee, "the Sun is so bright and hot, why is it with a lowly Scientist like me?" You are as happy as the life you create. Get a "hot girlfriend" and realize that after the initial high wears off, you are still a sad sack. Why? Because the external validation only kicks in for so long. Get another hot girlfriend? Lather, rinse, repeat. Just keep feeling unworthy when you don't have arm candy. Get a plain girlfriend, get to know her, put some damn effort in. Be real with her. Share ****. Over time you see her smile and her eyes are quite pretty. You get to see her naked, and hey, that's nice too. Then you realize, I am happy with her because I know that not only does she "get me" but that we have something more than superficial crap that lasts more than 10 minutes, and _I_ am a good partner to her. Hey, wow, I have stuff to offer this person that actually loves and respects me for real. Or just keep whining about how you didn't get your "dream girl" because she didn't match your "standards." The same "dream girl" that wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. Yeah, keep chasing the dream. 3
Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I guess a lot guys should lower their standards It's not "lowering your standards"...It's more like finding a "match". I date Caucasian men, it makes my dating ten times more difficult. Maybe if I'd change and date black and/or Hispanic men that didn't have Caucasian features, I'd probably have an endless stream of men knocking at my door. dreamingoftigers hit it on the nail... No, none of us are 10's. But to sit around and mope in despair isn't gonna make it any better. You do what you can do to make yourself more attractive. Go to the gym, learn to dress and/or interact with people...No, I'm not saying change who you are, but just put a little wax/shine on it. You know what's worst than someone who isn't a "10"? Bad attitudes and/or lack of confidence. If I walk up to a dude and show interest and/or attraction and he starts questioning "why" instead of standing erect, having confidence and taking me on, then that's a freakin' turn off. And trust me, I've dated hotties and notties...and a lot of hotties think they can not work hard (even in the bedroom) and/or do this or that cuz of their looks, connections, money, or whatever...Trust me, they were total turn-offs. 3
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I guess a lot guys should lower their standards I think that a lot of guys get what they want as well. They don't just sit there thinking, "Well I want a 10, but if I get a 9 I will be okay I guess." This seems to be the thing of internet ilk. And a very destructive thing at that. Like you just go to the "date store" and there's some kind of bouncer like on Rodeo Drive that won't let you in if you aren't dressed well enough. Most guys that have successful outcomes just meet women until they "click" with someone. It doesn't have to be the A-1 tip top "hottie" it just has to be a girl that they find attractive that is fun a likeable. Generally what attracts fun and likeable...... is not "I sit in the rain because no one loves me enough that has the ass of a Goddess. Oh Goddess, please shine your hot ass upon me that I might live again." Yeah, no. Not even me. Not even ten-ton me would go for that whinge. Not even with cake (okay, what kind of cake?) Having been on the bottom of the relationship barrel, I can tell you that you aren't actually aiming "high" when you are aiming superficially. This isn't to say, "oh you need to find the ugly one." Because guess what, we're used to that game too. The hot guy thinks we are easy pickings for a screw because he's bored and hot so he'll slum it for the night. Ha ha ha. I swear, gaining weight made me 10x more likely to be picked up by the good-time guy. I can tell and I never liked it and never went for it. No one wants to be Random Hole #141. Same study was done among men in the personals in the 90s. The lawyer got dozens of date offers. The taxicab driver got dozens of casual sex offers. Women figured the cabbie was easy and discreet. Even though both said they were looking for a relationship. I dated two cabbies myself. Not casually mind you. (there's a professional to worry about). But man, do they ever meet women. So actually strive to know someone. Maybe they aren't your true love. Maybe they aren't Miss America. But maybe they are friends with her. In fact the number one success factor among daters is whether or not they have female friends. The more FEMALE friends you have, the more likely you are to be dating. Whether YOU are male or female. Females network people together. I have set friends up myself. I set up a blind friend of mine, twice. He's been set up by his other nutjob friend at least half of a dozen times. It's too bad for him that's it's her nutjob friends though. In case you missed it, she's a nutjob. GO MAKE FRIENDS. Stop living in Fantasyland and realize that half of your heartbreak is that you aren't taking care of yourself and expecting a woman to solve the hurt for you. 2
SteveC80 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 "Standards" It really isn't a "standard" if it isn't a "Standard thing." I am sure that there are scientists out there that wish they could live on the Sun. But guess what? It probably ain't gonna happen AND if it did they would probably whine about how bright and hot it was. And gee, "the Sun is so bright and hot, why is it with a lowly Scientist like me?" You are as happy as the life you create. Get a "hot girlfriend" and realize that after the initial high wears off, you are still a sad sack. Why? Because the external validation only kicks in for so long. Get another hot girlfriend? Lather, rinse, repeat. Just keep feeling unworthy when you don't have arm candy. Get a plain girlfriend, get to know her, put some damn effort in. Be real with her. Share ****. Over time you see her smile and her eyes are quite pretty. You get to see her naked, and hey, that's nice too. Then you realize, I am happy with her because I know that not only does she "get me" but that we have something more than superficial crap that lasts more than 10 minutes, and _I_ am a good partner to her. Hey, wow, I have stuff to offer this person that actually loves and respects me for real. Or just keep whining about how you didn't get your "dream girl" because she didn't match your "standards." The same "dream girl" that wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. Yeah, keep chasing the dream. I think it's kinda unfair to think unattractive people are automatically easier to deal with in relationships then attractive people.You act like if he finds a plain women that she'll automatically be a great partner Im just glad I'm attractive enough to date women I'm attracted to I couldn't get naked with a women I have no physical attraction too.plus it makes the rough patched easier to deal with.If I was with a women I have no attraction to during bad times id be thinking she's not even attractive why am I putting up with bs lol
Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I've been fighting it for a while, always wanting something I'll never have. And now, I realize it's over for me. I've never had a girlfriend, never had somebody to lean on who would accept me for me, and never had the chance/permission to even approach the women I find so attractive. They don't want me, none of them do. And for a while, I was upset with that. It drove me crazy and sent me into a depression for months/years. I used to see women I wanted to talk to for ages and yet could never go up to them because I knew they would instantly say no. They always do and this time would be no different, nobody loves ugly. Finally, I've made the decision to give up. Now, I don't even look at women I find attractive in the eyes, I know it's pointless and a waste of time. I keep my eyes straight ahead and ignore everything around me until it all fades away. I keep to myself because I know I'll always have one thing. The fantasy. The fantasy of them loving me. See, now I can pretend like it's always a happy ending. They always laugh and smile, they always hold my arm, and they always hug me and let me know I'm worth it. I never have to deal with rejection, depression, or sadness again. I can maintain that illusion forever and never worry about breaking it. Because I know the second I open my mouth, the fantasy is over. The cold hard truth makes itself clear and I can never go back to pretending we'll be together. That's all. Thank you for reading. Please see dreamingoftiger's post below: So actually strive to know someone. Maybe they aren't your true love. Maybe they aren't Miss America. But maybe they are friends with her. In fact the number one success factor among daters is whether or not they have female friends. The more FEMALE friends you have, the more likely you are to be dating. Whether YOU are male or female. Females network people together. I have set friends up myself. I set up a blind friend of mine, twice. He's been set up by his other nutjob friend at least half of a dozen times. It's too bad for him that's it's her nutjob friends though. In case you missed it, she's a nutjob. GO MAKE FRIENDS. Stop living in Fantasyland and realize that half of your heartbreak is that you aren't taking care of yourself and expecting a woman to solve the hurt for you. Again, dreamingoftigers hit it on the nail... If you sit back and don't even try, how in the world did you reach the conclusion that you will be rejected? 1
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I think it's kinda unfair to think unattractive people are automatically easier to deal with in relationships then attractive people.You act like if he finds a plain women that she'll automatically be a great partner Im just glad I'm attractive enough to date women I'm attracted to I couldn't get naked with a women I have no physical attraction too.plus it makes the rough patched easier to deal with.If I was with a women I have no attraction to during bad times id be thinking she's not even attractive why am I putting up with bs lol Ah yes, Steve, the amazing eternal hot guy who gets women to throw away their marriages because he cast a glance their way. Of course, any woman that would do that wouldn't have a personality disorder, would she? Or any other issues? Nah. A plain woman may not automatically "be a better partner" but really, a partner that he thinks he is "unworthy of" and "Can't attract" to begin with might not make things play out better, huh? And Plain shouldn't equal 0 physical attraction, right? I mean is the world divided up into 1s and 10s? 1
AD1980 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I think that a lot of guys get what they want as well. They don't just sit there thinking, "Well I want a 10, but if I get a 9 I will be okay I guess." This seems to be the thing of internet ilk. And a very destructive thing at that. Like you just go to the "date store" and there's some kind of bouncer like on Rodeo Drive that won't let you in if you aren't dressed well enough. Most guys that have successful outcomes just meet women until they "click" with someone. It doesn't have to be the A-1 tip top "hottie" it just has to be a girl that they find attractive that is fun a likeable. Generally what attracts fun and likeable...... is not "I sit in the rain because no one loves me enough that has the ass of a Goddess. Oh Goddess, please shine your hot ass upon me that I might live again." Yeah, no. Not even me. Not even ten-ton me would go for that whinge. Not even with cake (okay, what kind of cake?) Having been on the bottom of the relationship barrel, I can tell you that you aren't actually aiming "high" when you are aiming superficially. This isn't to say, "oh you need to find the ugly one." Because guess what, we're used to that game too. The hot guy thinks we are easy pickings for a screw because he's bored and hot so he'll slum it for the night. Ha ha ha. I swear, gaining weight made me 10x more likely to be picked up by the good-time guy. I can tell and I never liked it and never went for it. No one wants to be Random Hole #141. Same study was done among men in the personals in the 90s. The lawyer got dozens of date offers. The taxicab driver got dozens of casual sex offers. Women figured the cabbie was easy and discreet. Even though both said they were looking for a relationship. I dated two cabbies myself. Not casually mind you. (there's a professional to worry about). But man, do they ever meet women. So actually strive to know someone. Maybe they aren't your true love. Maybe they aren't Miss America. But maybe they are friends with her. In fact the number one success factor among daters is whether or not they have female friends. The more FEMALE friends you have, the more likely you are to be dating. Whether YOU are male or female. Females network people together. I have set friends up myself. I set up a blind friend of mine, twice. He's been set up by his other nutjob friend at least half of a dozen times. It's too bad for him that's it's her nutjob friends though. In case you missed it, she's a nutjob. GO MAKE FRIENDS. Stop living in Fantasyland and realize that half of your heartbreak is that you aren't taking care of yourself and expecting a woman to solve the hurt for you. A social circle can help but the females in my social circle always tried to hook my good looking friend up over me.. So even in set ups women will only do if if they think their friend will be somewhat attracted to you physically
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Please see dreamingoftiger's post below: Again, dreamingoftigers hit it on the nail... If you sit back and don't even try, how in the world did you reach the conclusion that you will be rejected? Because like so many young men these days, they figure "If I am even a tiny bit attractive one of these women will break through the walls, the social awkwardness, throw away convention and make it abundantly clear that she wants to be all over me." So they stop looking, they stop even confirming interest and go off into God's Waiting Room to prepare for death. They stop put in any full efforts realizing that rejection is a natural part of life for just about everything. Just say "I can't climb that Mount Everest, it's too high." Even though many disabled people climbed Mount Everest. Hey, wait a minute.... really... people in wheelchairs and stuff get girlfriends and get married. Amputees, blind people, burn victims. Midgets. Albinos. All sorts of variations of people that some people consider "ugly" And really, here's probably an AVERAGE looking guy throwing in the towel because "wah"? 1
Revolver Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I don't know any man who got a relationship as a result of being hooked up with female friends. I had female friends in HS and college and that never did a damn thing for me. I think it's one of those things that people say because it sounds good in theory 1
Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I don't know any man who got a relationship as a result of being hooked up with female friends. I had female friends in HS and college and that never did a damn thing for me. I think it's one of those things that people say because it sounds good in theory I don't think she meant to "surround yourself with female friends in hopes they will hook you up with a single female in their circle"... I think she meant more like: socialize, get out there, talk more to females so you can get comfortable around them. That's another thing that makes dating difficult for me and a lot of people is lack of socialization. In school, you have exposure to endless amounts of people and can get to meet people. Once you finish with school, you're limited to work and church. So, you really gotta put yourself out there, gain social skills and be in social circles to learn of any available single people out there. 1
Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Because like so many young men these days, they figure "If I am even a tiny bit attractive one of these women will break through the walls, the social awkwardness, throw away convention and make it abundantly clear that she wants to be all over me." So they stop looking, they stop even confirming interest and go off into God's Waiting Room to prepare for death. They stop put in any full efforts realizing that rejection is a natural part of life for just about everything. Just say "I can't climb that Mount Everest, it's too high." Even though many disabled people climbed Mount Everest. Hey, wait a minute.... really... people in wheelchairs and stuff get girlfriends and get married. Amputees, blind people, burn victims. Midgets. Albinos. All sorts of variations of people that some people consider "ugly" And really, here's probably an AVERAGE looking guy throwing in the towel because "wah"? Exactly... Recently, some dude tried to chat me up a few times (no, not my recent crush). Not sure if the chick he's seeing now was involved with him the whole time or after I ignored him. She's a pretty attractive chick and for the life of me, I do not see why she'd settle for him. So, you never know...it's not all about looks.
AD1980 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 That's another thing that makes dating difficult for me and a lot of people is lack of socialization. In school, you have exposure to endless amounts of people and can get to meet people. Once you finish with school, you're limited to work and church. So, you really gotta put yourself out there, gain social skills and be in social circles to learn of any available single people out there. Yeah I'm 34 now and all my friends are married with kids so not only do I have no social circle but nobody to go out with to try to socialize with other women much. I tried old but I'm not physically attractive enough to get any dates in there
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