vinchenzo Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 So to make a long long story as short as possible. Ex (let's call her Brittany) and I broke up end of march because she physically hit me (leaving scars on my chest and wrists and even tried to punch and smack me in the face). She says because I was cheating with an old ex which was never true. My old ex - let's call her Alexis - and I had been friends since high school (6 years) and dated for two. Well we were staying together so I called my friend and he helped me get all my stuff that night and I moved in with my mom. So a little less than a month later, we patch things up. start talking again and then proceed to have sex all night and half the next day (it was great haha). Well I started a new job so I was super busy that week and plus I had a huge presentation so we didn't really talk that week. The next week I call her to see if I could come over (so it's been two weeks since we had sex) and she's short and then gets upset when I press and tells me she has a bf now. I snap like wtf? She shuts me out completely. Well we end up talking a week later and she tells me she's still in love with me and we spend the night out in my car under the stars and we're kissing and whatnot. She says she'll think about us and she misses us and wants to be friends. Well come yesterday, she's shutting me out and then proceeds to tell me she doesn't love me anymore so I spazz and I went as low as I've ever been. I called and texted a zillion times. I actually feel horrible about it. Well I end up drinking and knocking out. Waking up the next morning to her text saying I had my chance and so on so forth and that she still thinks about me and misses me while she's with him. She wants to stay friends. So I apologize because I was acting like a straight ass to be honest. Why the **** I called and text that much...smh. ****ing embarrassment. Anyways, we go back and forth and she says she wants to give him a chance because she loves me but isn't in love with me and just misses the good times and it's not her fault her and I are over. We stopped talking on good terms but we both agreed to move on. She says she may be making a huge mistake and she's scared at times and she doesn't know. We just ended it really at that. Im so confused. All I know is that I need to go no contact and completely move on. Any other advice?
Satu Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Yes, you do need to go no contact and move on. Your ex is emotionally chaotic and unstable, verging on insane. Do no contact properly: *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Good luck.
Author vinchenzo Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 okay! Im on it right away. I just don't understand how she could say she loves me then be with someone else and then she still misses me. She said she wanted to move on because I said I would never marry her but if you physically abuse someone - what do you think they'll say in the heat of the moment. Ugh. Alright, going no contact for sure. Thank you for that advice. 1
Satu Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 okay! Im on it right away. I just don't understand how she could say she loves me then be with someone else and then she still misses me. She said she wanted to move on because I said I would never marry her but if you physically abuse someone - what do you think they'll say in the heat of the moment. Ugh. Alright, going no contact for sure. Thank you for that advice. Love is just a word if it isn't translated into action. There are many valid definitions of the word, 'love,' and here's one to contemplate: "Love is total commitment to the wellbeing of a person." She may have strong feelings for you, but she doesn't love you in any meaningful sense. You will find someone who does love you. Take good care of yourself. 1
Author vinchenzo Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 wow! I'm saving that. Thank you for those wise words. I'm going to follow that for real. Um...I feel so guilty about becoming that needy guy that wouldn't just chill and kept contacting her...I so ****ing ashamed. That would be the one thing I would change for sure 1
GoBlue Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 She said she wanted to move on because I said I would never marry her but if you physically abuse someone - what do you think they'll say in the heat of the moment. I am not exactly sure what the above quote means, but as I read your original post you went back to her after this physical altercation. In other words, she hit you, you moved out, you both felt lonely and so you spent the night together having sex. Your life was really busy for the next two weeks and so you couldn't even find the time to text her or call her or make contact in any way. After those two weeks, you finally find the time to contact her and your floored because she has a BF. Let's be very real and very direct, you don't love her any more than the fact that she doesn't love you. Go back and read Satu's definition of love one more time...love doesn't use another person, rather, it protects and provides for them. There is a reason why the divorce rate is as high as it is. People enter into relationships with selfish motivations that they call "LOVE" when it's really nothing more than getting THEIR needs met. Once those needs stop getting met they are suddenly "out of love." Yes - I do understand that there are cases when a divorce is absolutely necessary, but not most of the time. Why am I talking about marriage and divorce? For the simple reason that the way you approach relationships while single will determine how you approach them when you try and finally get married. I am sorry that you are hurt but sometimes you have to get hurt in order to have a healthy relationship. This will pass, you will feel better, and I hope you experience true love. Be blessed! 2
Author vinchenzo Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 I think what you're saying is true but I did contact her and she did contact me. It just wasn't a lot. And I told her I was busy. But what you're saying is true to a degree. It hurts but it's true. I was wrong in a lot of stuff and hopefully learned my lesson once and for all.
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