marcelo.santos Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 (sorry poor english) Hi, I'm 41, she is 36 - I began to talk with this girl 3 weeks ago - so we begin to chat and talk by phone every day - she looks interested, so I called her for a date and she accepted it and showed that she was anxious. We went to a bar, she suggested a bottle of wine and we talked for very long: We stayed 4 hours in the bar. Including the time lapsed to get her at home and getting her back: Total 5 hours date. At the bar we talked a lot, and I kissed her - it was very cool: She is very polite and is a very good heart girl. The problem is that at the last hour in the meeting, she changed a bit: She changed her body language slightly indicating that she didnt want body contact anymore and the conversation become a bit boring (probably also due the long date) - so she suggested that we ask for the bill - we asked for the bill and she insisted to pay half of the bill, I suggested that I pay for the bill and she will pay in the next meeting, if we have - she accepted. I took her to her home, during the hide she continued to be polite but she looks not interested in a second meeting: she also looks a bit anxious to get home - also she had not mentioned that it was a great night - she just said thank you for the night I have contacted her on the other day, and she replied but was not like before. I have not contacted her again, nether called for a second meeting - but I think that something went wrong there - probably she didnt feel something that she expected. Now I'm planning to wait 3 or 4 days and ask directly for a second meeting, but I think that it will not happen. Probably it was not a good idea a 5 hours dating, but I dont think that this is the cause of the problem. Any ideas?
Gaeta Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Are you new to online dating? Because things like this will happen often. Maybe the wine makes her like this. Did you call or text the following day to mention you had a good time? We expect a man to follow up the next day if he is interested in us. 1
smackie9 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 She was looking at as her being played and got worried. She may have had bad experiences of being taken advantage of. Try and set up a casual daytime date, like brunch. 1
clia Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 She may have just been tired after a five hour date and a half a bottle of wine. I would not wait another 3 or 4 days to ask her out again; you will lose momentum. 1
smackie9 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Or she is married or has a BF, and changed her mind about cheating. 1
CarrieT Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Yep - a whole bottle and four hours of talking was too much. Start slower: one glass of one which *might* lead to a second. 1
Redhead14 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) (sorry poor english) Hi, I'm 41, she is 36 - I began to talk with this girl 3 weeks ago - so we begin to chat and talk by phone every day - she looks interested, so I called her for a date and she accepted it and showed that she was anxious. We went to a bar, she suggested a bottle of wine and we talked for very long: We stayed 4 hours in the bar. Including the time lapsed to get her at home and getting her back: Total 5 hours date. At the bar we talked a lot, and I kissed her - it was very cool: She is very polite and is a very good heart girl. The problem is that at the last hour in the meeting, she changed a bit: She changed her body language slightly indicating that she didnt want body contact anymore and the conversation become a bit boring (probably also due the long date) - so she suggested that we ask for the bill - we asked for the bill and she insisted to pay half of the bill, I suggested that I pay for the bill and she will pay in the next meeting, if we have - she accepted. I took her to her home, during the hide she continued to be polite but she looks not interested in a second meeting: she also looks a bit anxious to get home - also she had not mentioned that it was a great night - she just said thank you for the night I have contacted her on the other day, and she replied but was not like before. I have not contacted her again, nether called for a second meeting - but I think that something went wrong there - probably she didnt feel something that she expected. Now I'm planning to wait 3 or 4 days and ask directly for a second meeting, but I think that it will not happen. Probably it was not a good idea a 5 hours dating, but I dont think that this is the cause of the problem. Any ideas? The first time you meet an online contact in person it should be just a short meet up. A cup of coffee or a drink or two. You don't spend a lot of money. Five hours is a long time to sit with someone you've just met and the conversation will get awkward. It is just about confirming that they look like their picture and that they are who they say they are and to get a sense of the person before you do have an actual date. You should also bring separate cars. A woman who meets up with a stranger, should not get into a car with him. That's just being safe. In addition, if you've enjoyed the time, at the end you should say something like "I enjoyed meeting you and I'd like it if we saw each other again. Can I call you tomorrow or X day? And, go from there. But now, I'd say just call her and ask for another date and don't wait 3 or 4 days, 2 days is fine. If she accepts great, if not, so be it. Right now you are guessing about everything. Edited May 11, 2015 by Redhead14 1
Author marcelo.santos Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Thank you all for the replies Did you call or text the following day to mention you had a good time? We expect a man to follow up the next day if he is interested in us. Yes, I sent a follow up message on the next day. She was looking at as her being played and got worried. She may have had bad experiences of being taken advantage of. Try and set up a casual daytime date, like brunch. Yes, it is a possibility - hope is just this the issue. She may have just been tired after a five hour date and a half a bottle of wine. I would not wait another 3 or 4 days to ask her out again; you will lose momentum. Yers, very true! I should not wait so long, had no idea that it passed 4 hours - I will not wait so long to contact her - thanks for the tip! Or she is married or has a BF, and changed her mind about cheating. I'm sure she is single - but is a possibility that she is dating someone else ou she began to think on a ex during the dating. Yep - a whole bottle and four hours of talking was too much. yes, it was a mistake a 4 hour meeting. The first time you meet an online contact in person it should be just a short meet up. A cup of coffee or a drink or two. You don't spend a lot of money. Five hours is a long time to sit with someone you've just met and the conversation will get awkward. You should also bring separate cars. A woman who meets up with a stranger, should not get into a car with him. That's just being safe. A short meet would be a great idea- I've suggested separated cars, she told me that it was ok to I get her at her home - I dont think that she was afraid of me
Redhead14 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Thank you all for the replies Yes, I sent a follow up message on the next day. Yes, it is a possibility - hope is just this the issue. Yers, very true! I should not wait so long, had no idea that it passed 4 hours - I will not wait so long to contact her - thanks for the tip! I'm sure she is single - but is a possibility that she is dating someone else ou she began to think on a ex during the dating. yes, it was a mistake a 4 hour meeting. A short meet would be a great idea- I've suggested separated cars, she told me that it was ok to I get her at her home - I dont think that she was afraid of me She had no idea whether or not she should be afraid of you. It's nothing personal at that point. If she is prudent, she won't be doing this on a first meetup or even a first date with someone she met offline. It's also for you sake and safety too. If the meeting was uncomfortable, now you're stuck in a car for a while with them too 1
Author marcelo.santos Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 If the meeting was uncomfortable, now you're stuck in a car for a while with them too yep, nice point! So did she reply to your follow up text ? Yes, she replied - she was very polite - this was yesterday morning. Before the meeting she was talking with me during the entire day - I felt that the follow up reply was just a polite reply - she was not cold but had no intentions to continue the chat - something had changed - and I feel that it was during the meeting (last hour) - I think that I have said nothing that could make she give up nether we have any kind of discussion - not sure what happened there.
yourdatingpro Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 She probably was just tired! And wanted to go home before it led to something else. Did you ask her out again yet? I'm sure she's waiting for an invite. It also sounds like she put her "walls" up after you guys kissed. It sounds like her intentions were to try to take it slow, but she broke that, and now is trying to revert back to that by being passive. OR OR OR she's playing hard to get. 1
Author marcelo.santos Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) She probably was just tired! And wanted to go home before it led to something else. Did you ask her out again yet? I'm sure she's waiting for an invite. It also sounds like she put her "walls" up after you guys kissed. It sounds like her intentions were to try to take it slow, but she broke that, and now is trying to revert back to that by being passive. OR OR OR she's playing hard to get. I hope she was just tired. I have not asked she yet. Should I ask she directly for a second dating? Or try to chat/talk as we were doing before the dating fist, establish a contact again and just after some days ask for a 2nd dating? She lives in a city 50 miles from my city (she was at my city, where we had the date due she was visiting her parents) and I know that next weekend she will be busy working: Should I offer to travel to have a dating in some place at her city? (making clear that I'm not planning to sleep there and go back on same day) or this would show too much interest / make she more afraid of me? Edited May 11, 2015 by marcelo.santos
yourdatingpro Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I think you should just go ahead and ask her out for a second date. Honestly, I feel like it's too late to go back and talk how you guys were talking before the date. Say something like, I understand you're busy working so I'll travel and we can meet at one of your favorite spots? It sounds like you're being sincere if you do that. Since this is the second date, she should already expect that you would be traveling back home. Or make the date early, like a lunch date or right after work, so "you staying at her house" wouldn't even cross her mind. 1
KatZee Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I wouldn't ask her out again. 99% of the time, this is what's going to happen when you meet someone from OLD. One of you just isn't going to connect with the other. In this case, it was her. When a girl is into you, you're GOING to know. She's going to text you again after the date and thank you again. It's a pretty transparent way for the girl to continue on with conversation. I know that when I've had a great date, I'll come home and want to talk even more. She clearly wasn't feeling it that much on the first meet up, and probably agreed to a second meeting either a) out of obligation (didn't know how to let you down, but will now do the fade out) or b) to give it another shot to see if there really is no connection. The fact that she hasn't reached out to you isn't a great sign either. If you want, ask her out again. But I'd guess you'd be met with silence, indifference, or she'll tell you she's now "super busy." 1
Author marcelo.santos Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 I think you should just go ahead and ask her out for a second date. Honestly, I feel like it's too late to go back and talk how you guys were talking before the date. Yes, is a Good idea - I'll try that - last night I messaged her and she replied quickly: I asked how she was doing and she quickly replied that was fine and asked about my day and we had a quick chat - it was not like before, so I will wait until tomorrow to try to ask her for a date. I wouldn't ask her out again. 99% of the time, this is what's going to happen when you meet someone from OLD. One of you just isn't going to connect with the other. In this case, it was her. When a girl is into you, you're GOING to know. She's going to text you again after the date and thank you again. It's a pretty transparent way for the girl to continue on with conversation. I know that when I've had a great date, I'll come home and want to talk even more. She clearly wasn't feeling it that much on the first meet up, and probably agreed to a second meeting either a) out of obligation (didn't know how to let you down, but will now do the fade out) or b) to give it another shot to see if there really is no connection. The fact that she hasn't reached out to you isn't a great sign either. If you want, ask her out again. But I'd guess you'd be met with silence, indifference, or she'll tell you she's now "super busy." Yes, I'm sure that she is not falling in love with me or is anxious for a second dating - probably she will be super busy like you said (I have not asked her yet for a second meeting, I will try probably today). But I think that there is still a 10% chance and I will try until she say "No" - I will not assume that I have zero chance as I'm really interested on her - as soon I have a chance to ask her for a second dating and she says a no, I will say thank you and move on. I will try to ask for the second dating today so I will know what to do with my life: I'm super anxious and this thing is making me crazy.
Author marcelo.santos Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) So, I've messaged her asking for a second date, but this time on her city (50 miles from my city). She replied saying that it would be a great idea but this week would no be possible for her (she has told me before that she is a medical doctor and work on crazy shifts), so I suggested the next week and she agreed and told me that the new date will be fun - she told me also that she don't know yet witch day of next week she will be free but suggested that on Monday she probably will know the exact day she will be free for the date during the next week. I'm surprised that she agreed to have a second date due she is not initiating the contact anymore with me as before the first date - but she agreed to have a new date, maybe she is not so interested as before but looks I still have some chance on her. Looking at her messages, I dont think that she is just being courteous or is having difficulties to say "no, I'm not interested in you anymore" - but she looks definitely not high interested in me as before - maybe she is just giving a second chance or she is afraid of something, or now she is sure that I'm on her and do not need to put energy on us anymore... any thoughts? Edited May 14, 2015 by marcelo.santos
Gary S Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) Four hours in the same bar and same chair? Heck, I can't sit in those places for more than 1.5 hours, my boo-boo gets sore! Ya hurt her boo-boo... Edited May 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language
minime13 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 So, I've messaged her asking for a second date, but this time on her city (50 miles from my city). She replied saying that it would be a great idea but this week would no be possible for her (she has told me before that she is a medical doctor and work on crazy shifts), so I suggested the next week and she agreed and told me that the new date will be fun - she told me also that she don't know yet witch day of next week she will be free but suggested that on Monday she probably will know the exact day she will be free for the date during the next week. I'm surprised that she agreed to have a second date due she is not initiating the contact anymore with me as before the first date - but she agreed to have a new date, maybe she is not so interested as before but looks I still have some chance on her. Looking at her messages, I dont think that she is just being courteous or is having difficulties to say "no, I'm not interested in you anymore" - but she looks definitely not high interested in me as before - maybe she is just giving a second chance or she is afraid of something, or now she is sure that I'm on her and do not need to put energy on us anymore... any thoughts? Maybe she's just busy this week, like she said. Could be anything. You don't know enough about her to describe her habits, so anything else people would say would be reaching and based on personal experience that could be completely different from this. Besides, it's only the second date. Don't over-think it. 1
Author marcelo.santos Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) Four hours in the same bar and same chair? Heck, I can't sit in those places for more than 1.5 hours, my boo-boo gets sore! Ya hurt her boo-boo... I dont remember that I handcuffed her in the chair, she knows that she could ask the bill and take her home, she stayed 4 hours in that chair talking with me for some reason - thanks very much for your reply anyway. Maybe she's just busy this week, like she said. I hope that she is just busy - but something had changed a lot.. lets see. Could be anything. You don't know enough about her to describe her habits, so anything else people would say would be reaching and based on personal experience that could be completely different from this. Besides, it's only the second date. Don't over-think it. Yes, you are right - but hearing all these opinions help anyway, thanks! Edited May 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to edited post redacted
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