loverboy1984 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I had been with my gf for 1 year 4 months with 4 of those months being LDR (3hr drive away). Im a doctor and shes a nurse 6 years younger. She went on a trip for a week after we lived each other for 1 month when I decided to come stay with her temporarily then she broke up with me over the phone. He reason was that we argued alot. The reason for our arguements were all little things and missunderstandings, her texting a former lover after being drunk or taking her friends side, not communicating well and so on. She said we are not compatible and she knows I want to move back to the west coast where I am from and she is not sure she can do that because she just moved out of her parents house to be independent in a big city 4 months ago and she not sure she will be ready to move in a year. Anyways I had always said I would work with her but she used this as one of her excuses. So she ended it over the phone. I teared up a little tried to see if we could work it out but she was checked out. Then I drove 3 hours to see her in person and brought flowers. She had a friend staying with her at a time who left and my ex was upset saying that oh now she has to drive 45 min home and has work tomorrow, when I just drove 3 hrs there its 11:30pm and I have to go back cuz I have work at 6am. that really upset me but I didnt say anything. She wanted me to stay for a few hours to snuggle but it was so cold and nothing happened. Then I got up and left and said goodbye. She texted me asking if I got home ok and that was it. We have been in no contact for almost a month. I have not reached out and neither has she. We both changed our profile pics of each other and recently she deleted my pics. I have since dated 4 girls and trying to move on but not getting into another relationship, just focusing on work,friends and family and having fun. My confidence is through the roof and I am being approached by a lot of girls. I know now my relationship was not good cuz I was putting in all the effort and she wasnt mature enough to handle it but I genuinely loved her and tried till the last moment. It hurts to see our pictures come down from her facebook and it hurts to know that I was the best I could have been and did so much for her and it was over so cheaply. Deep down I want her back but know it wont work after what happened. But I guess I want her to regret what she did. It just blows my mind how you can be someones best and not cheat or do anything and have it over because of arguements in which the other person did things that ruined your trust in them. I wonder why I havent heard from her or if I ever will. I wonder if she will regret this. I know shes 23 and just moved to the city by herself and reunited with all her college friends and may not have the capacity to handle a serious relationship. But its still hard. Yea Im not sad or crying. I didnt call her or beg her after I saw her that first day she broke up with me. I havent defriended her not sure if I should. I guess I want to know if I did everything right or not. This is my second break up ever and in the first one I made all the rookie mistakes early on so I learned not to do that anymore.
DJOkawari Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Yeah it seems like you're doing alright. Most people would wait to date since you're still hurting, but that's up to you. The only real advice here is that if it hurts to see what she's up to on facebook...well that's in your control. Don't subject yourself to more pain just to "leave the door open". She'll find you if she wants to. I wonder why I havent heard from her or if I ever will. I wonder if she will regret this. I know shes 23 and just moved to the city by herself and reunited with all her college friends and may not have the capacity to handle a serious relationship. The first two statements are pretty normal. More no contact and you'll stop wondering. You'll realize the same way you have good and bad moments regarding her, she has them for you too...just with a lower amplitude. The obvious conclusion is that you haven't heard from her because she doesn't want to contact you badly enough. The last statement really does shed light though. You guys seem to be in different places right now. I'm not trying to give you any hope but this is probably the healthiest way it could've gone down. She broke up with you, you showed her you wanted to make it work. Then you left her life. If she ever thinks about you, you haven't destroyed your chance. On the other hand, people rarely look backwards. There is just so much more to the world.
GoBlue Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I would say that you are doing fine - was shocked that you said you have dated four girls since the break-up (30 days ago). Make sure you actually look within and decide what kind of relationship you really want to develop. I have insight for you - studies have shown over-and-over again that cohabiting is not a good idea if you want to get married. Those couples who cohabited before marriage have a higher divorce rate (which is really scary since the regular rate is also very high), have more instances of physical abuse, and have a lower level of marital satisfaction. I am glad your confidence is high but what is it you really want in a relationship? Don't allow short-term benefits over-shadow a long-term goal. Most of us have experienced a heart wrenching break somewhere along the journey to finding the one. Do not be discouraged. Be intentional and proactive in your search. Blessings.
Author loverboy1984 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 Thank you for all your responses. Let me make some things clear. We didnt live together. She moved 3 hours away in january and I was driving to see her on weekends (she never visited me) and I arranged with the hospital I worked at to allow me to rotate an a hosipital near her so I could spend time together. I spent one month there. I cooked and cleaned before she got home from work, we went out. Things were good up until one night we were out and she had too much to drink and texted a guy she went out with a year ago and deleted it then denied it and blacked out and forgot. From that point on i started having trust issues. Then she went on a trip to europe for a week and the trust issues made me argue more with her till she decided to break up with me once she returned. Yea ive dated a few girls since then but Im not looking for anything just getting my mind off things but I have found a girl that is so much more mature and communicates so well and now I know that I was with the wrong person. That being said Im not rushing into anything. Just reflecting and taking things slow and working on myself. I just cant help blame myself still for arguing even though it was in response to her actions.
aloneinaz Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Personally, I think you need to de-friend her and also block her from Facebook and any other social sites. She said she didn't want you in her life anymore. SO, give it to her. Dissappear from anything she can see as well. She is too young for a real serious relationship in my opinion. Kudos for staying the course of NC and for getting out on casual dates. Many here want to stay locked in their homes, listening to sad music while crying over a failed relationship month after month. F-that. Time to move on. Take your time and enjoy the company of your friends, family and some dates. You'll know when you've met your next GF and when your ready for another relationship. 1
AIJ Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Personally think you need to block her in every possibly way and by any means DO NOT stalk her Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or anything else she uses. If you do, one day you'll see a picture of her with a new guy, and it will send you all the way back to day one. You're doing very well however take the necessary precautions to protect yourself. Best of luck
Author loverboy1984 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 I am hesitant to block her or de friend her. I had told her awhile back that I de friended my previous ex and she thought that was immature. She is still friends with her ex on fb but doesnt speak to him. I guess the reason I dont de friend her is because I dont want her to think Im still hurting and care about this. Meanwhile I just got back from another date with this cute blond that I have been seeing for 2 weeks. She is so much more mature and compassionate than my ex and so easy to talk to and communicate with. We went out and her friends were so impressed by how I spoke and carried myself. I wonder if my ex will regret what she had and how she just threw me away. I wonder if the reason she took all our pics and albums down almost a month after the break up is because she is seeing someone else.
BikerAccnt Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I wonder if the reason she took all our pics and albums down almost a month after the break up is because she is seeing someone else. This is the reason you need to de-friend and/or block. Not because of worry about what she may think (and what does that matter at this point anyway) but because of what it does for you. If she was de-friended, you wouldn't know she'd removed your pictures, hence, you wouldn't be wondering about the reasons. I've just recently (as of Friday) broke it off with my GF of a bit more than a year. Saturday I de-friended her for the reason stated above. I still love her, and care a great deal about her. But, over the past few months she's made it clear that I just wasn't important enough to fit into her life. That being the case, I don't want to know what I might be missing. Why hurt myself like that? Today, I find out she blocked me. She was a contributor to a photo album of mine and I noticed the other contributor is now just a Facebook User. At first I was kind of upset/pissed. But, looking at it now, it's probably for the best. She made friends with a lot of people in my MC and wants to remain friends with them, so I'm sure she did it to help herself by not seeing anything from me, and I'm thinking, it will probably help me too. You should de-friend. It doesn't mean you don't care about them, it just means you care more about yourself. And at this point, we all should.
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