Loftus82 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I fell head over heels for a girl I was with for only a few months. The first few months were electric. We were wrapped up in each other. In every sense we couldn't get enough of each other and we had the time of our lives. Due to work commitments and time restraints things began to get a lot tougher in the 3rd and 4th months and a few arguments followed. Tbh. looking back, I take the responsibility for it all as it was my lack of patience, my lack of understanding and I behaved slightly spoilt and selfishly and it turned the magic off. We had some heart to hearts which inevitably ended with her telling me she felt it had run it's course, it got too serious too soon and that the fun had been sucked out of it. That was 6 weeks ago. Since then there was a period of NC. She said the inevitable " lets be friends " but for 2 or 3 weeks there was nothing, or very little, bar one very drunken and stupid text from me which got a nice response but was nothing to hint at "lets try again" or anything like. So I left her alone after that. But then suddenly she started to comment on my Twitter posts, favouriting things. Which lead me to question her motives, not that I ruled out the possibility that it meant nothing at all also. So after a few days of Twitter activity I decided to text her. It lead to a text-a-thon for a couple of hours which was full of humour and fun and left me hoping there might still be something there. It was all based around the fun stuff and the good times in our short lived relationship. So I text her again about 4 or 5 days later. Again resulting in the same outcome. A fun filled couple of hours having fun via texts. Only in this discussion she highlighted how funny she thinks I am, and how she would love for us to be friends (alarm bells!!!) So a few days later I tried again... but on this occasion, there was no flow or wit to anything. It was polite and simple so it was literally one or two texts however we were both suffering from a previous nights intoxication (separately) and my timing could have been all wrong as it was early in the morning. However the social media activity is still on going. If anything positive to come from this is that I haven't repulsed her or that she isn't put off so much that she feels that she has to shut me out. But if i'm being honest, of course I want more. I want to start again. I just know I cannot rush it or I cannot try and force the issue as I know her and I know the minute I chase her defences will come up. But I don't want her to push me into a friend zone type thing that i cannot get out of. Or whilst she has me in her life, but just to keep her happy if that makes sense? I read conflicting advice between " don't stay friends " and " the best opportunity is to be her friend and let her see the good side of you "..... I maintain that still, as a 32 year old man, I have not experienced the level of connection and the magic that we experienced those first few months than I have with any other woman or girlfriend over the years. I have the gut feeling that there is something special there and something that could be wonderful... but not sure how to approach my predicament. Be friends? Forget being friends? Stay in each others life? Walk away? It is all causing me considerable anguish.
JunzQ Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Oh man i feel you on this. I just came out of a 4 month relationship but it was one of the most electric relationships I've ever been in before fights during month 3 and 4 before the break up. But the breaking point for me was when she went back to her ex. I've been no contact for about 42 or 43 days so there's that it ended surly too something were said that shouldn't of been said and that was the end of that. As for you situation it seems like there is something there to persue but for now just work on yourself and she will come back there was obviously something that pushed her away and it's not an overnight fix. You gotta work on yourself before going at her again. 1
Author Loftus82 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Yeah I have made a point of working on myself in this time too, and I have been quite active too on Twitter etc so that it is there for all to see. I see things like Twitter as a kind of window to aspects of my life so I have kept it all positive and up beat. I'm just not sure how she sees me though. As " that nice guy I used to go out with" or potentially someone who, if made a few changes, could be much more. It really is impossible to tell with out having a conversation, but at this point it is much too soon and would only push her away.
GoBlue Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I maintain that still, as a 32 year old man, I have not experienced the level of connection and the magic that we experienced those first few months than I have with any other woman or girlfriend over the years. I have the gut feeling that there is something special there and something that could be wonderful... but not sure how to approach my predicament. Be friends? Forget being friends? Stay in each others life? Walk away? It is all causing me considerable anguish. What you experienced with this woman is not uncommon when things move really, really quickly in a new relationship. This is especially true if it involves sexual contact. It's called infatuation and one relationship expert I know (Dave Carder) calls it, "...the most powerful drug known to mankind." The reason being is because it causes you to see only what you want to see - the positives - and it often ignores glaring Red Flags. This is generally very dependent upon physical attraction and even physical contact (though not always present). It is characterized by euphoric highs that appear very quickly with the unrealistic assumption that "it will always be this way." Unfortunately, infatuation is often accompanied by a crash which also comes very quickly and somewhat unexpectedly. Many times one or both of the partners is stunned by the sudden turn of events and says things like, "we had such a connection" or "he/she is my soul mate." Infatuation is never a firm foundation upon which strong relationships are built. There is a difference between strong attraction and infatuation. Sometimes your feelings can't tell the difference which is why it is very important to never allow your feelings to dictate choices that you know may not be in the best interest of developing a lasting love. True love is built on the foundation of commitment and is developed over time. It understands that intimacy is much more than physical connection and involvement and it too should develop over time. All relationships require two willing participants. Although you cannot control her choices, and the actions she takes can be mind numbing, she has made her wishes known. The only person you can control is yourself and trying to figure out if there is a chance she might take you back is a waste of energy. The best thing you can do is to honor her request and move forward in your life assuming that she will not be a part of it. I wish you lots of luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 1
Author Loftus82 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Excellent advice. I come from a small village, North Wales. And fine women are hard to come by. This could be part and parcel of the infatuation you describe. Thank you for taking the time to give your thoughts. 1
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