taw3890 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 As the title says, me and my gf of a little over 1 year broke up 3 weeks ago. It was mostly because of her emotional cheating, our not-so-good sex life, and her saying that she wanted to be by herself for the time being. Her emotional affair was mostly the reason for me to brake up with her. I don't stand being cheated on an emotional level, nobody does. It hurts so much more than physical cheating. Well, now the situation is that we still live together. We have lease until 1st of july. I don't have much money right now, but I'm waiting information about a job opportunity. If i land this job, i can move right away to my own place. If not....then i'm stuck with this apartment and her until july. Currently, things are pretty hard for me. She comes and goes as she pleases while maintaining and deepening her connection to the guy she was having the emotional affair with during our relationship. It breaks my heart to see her smiling or laughing at her phone all the time. yesterday she had her best friend over and I could tell by the way they acted that they were messaging this guy and laughing and smiling to his responses...makes me sick. She is in constant contact with this dude. My mind is boggled by the fact how fast she seemingly moved on...I think it was her plan all along to drag me along while seeing through whether there coud be something more with this other dude. I feel so played and hurt. so in reality her mind was set long ago. We are on LC right now, i don't contact her at all unless there is some practicalities to talk about. Nothing else. What do you think about my situation? I'm trying to move on but on LC it's impossible right now...
Maverick27 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 OMG DUDE - i experienced the exact same thing. Except she cheated on me physically - broke up with me. Then i had to watch her smile and laugh as she fell out of love with me and became infatuated with the guy she left me for. The is seriously nothing else in this world more painful. I've lost love ones, which was hard - but not as hard as this. I could never do that to someone, could you? I think they do it on purpose.
Maverick27 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 This went on for 25 days. Then she moved out. Theres nothing i can say that will make you feel better. All you can do is try to ignore her as much as possible. But if i could do it again? I'd get a ****ing loan for some money and stay in a hotel until she moves. Debt can be repaid - this sort of behaviour scared me and the interest is compiling. (bad metaphor, i know). 1
Author taw3890 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) Just my name. E: Sorry, i didin't remember correctly. Both of our names are in the lease Edited May 11, 2015 by taw3890
Diezel Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 That is definitely an issue then. I don't know what to tell you, specially since there is less than 2 months left on your lease. My only advice is to try to minimize your time in the apartment if you can. 1
ravfour4 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I went through this BS as well. We dated for 4 years, lived together for 3 and out of "nowhere" (I now see that it wasn't out of nowhere), she broke up with me, was emotionally cheating at a minimum and started physically being involved with the person right after we broke-up (if not sooner). She lied about it non-stop and tried to hide it as best she could. The other much older man was married and living with his wife and kids so I'm sure they loved the "adrenaline" rush of meeting up. Her name was on the lease, and when I threatened to kick her out, she'd break down crying and then be all nice OR she'd threaten me with "I'm on the lease you can't kick me out". Eventually, I ended up helping her find a new place and am now paying for her half of the rent here. To maintain my sanity, it was worth it. 1
Author taw3890 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 How should I go about handling everyday interactions with her? I feel anger and sadness and those show in my behaviour...my responses to her have been quite cold. I was thinking if it would be wiser to show her that i'm coping better than what I am in reality to throw her off? Does that even work? Or should I just keep to my current state of grumpiness?
ravfour4 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Act like you're doing great and don't care about her actions at all. It's hard to do, but it will ultimately be best whether she decides she wants you back or if you are to move on happily on your separate path.
CarrieT Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 It is only six more weeks. The grand scheme of your life, it isn't that long. Be polite, aloof, and just think forward to what's ahead in your future. You'll be fine... 1
ravfour4 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Carrie, that's true, but those 2 months I lived with my ex post-break up is what destroyed me. If she could have just left after her "We need to break up, I want to be single forever", things would have been much better than me knowing her well enough to know she was constantly lying to me and hiding things, that's what ended up hurting the most and it could have been avoided had we not lived together.
CarrieT Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 That which does not kill you, makes you stronger... The same thing happened to me. I was living with my BF of almost three years when I found out he was cheating on me with a Panamanian prostitute. When I broke up with him, the idea was that he would leave immediately and go back to Panama. But then he laid stakes to the apartment and *I* was the one who was forced to leave. Unfortunately - living in San Francisco - it took a while to find an apartment. He then proceeded to bring other women there while I was trapped in a back room, packing boxes and waiting to leave, listening to him have sex with these women. For me, that was almost eight years ago. I have since lived alone, dated extensively, and met and married a great man. Trust me when I say you will survive - and thrive! 2
SLee Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I am in a very similar situation. My ex and I were together 3.5 years then he ended it. Our lease isn't up until into summer and neither of us can afford to up and leave. The first few weeks were torture when he broke up with me. It was a chaotic mess. Things calmed down for the most part and I made a commitment to not talk about my feelings about him or the break up to him whatsoever. He's the type of person who wants to know what I'm up to and how I'm feeling all the time, so it's difficult to not talk to him. But I'm maintaining limited contact. I try to get out as much as possible. I go out with friends, study at a coffee shop instead of at home, go for long walks, all that stuff. Going out with my friends helps me get me sanity back. The anger and sadness is really difficult to deal with. I get it out with my friends, writing, or posting here. When he sees me, I'm pretty much normal and don't start things or get into fights with him. Beat up a pillow when she's not home. I do that too. I also got some boxes and started packing my things to get a head start on it and to show myself, and him I guess, that this chapter of my life is closing. It sucks 'cause I miss the relationship, but it's important to do for myself.
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