Is the reason guys don't want to date me because I don't know how to drive a car?

[GH101]

So how far away should the guys I date live? They would have to take me to and from a date, then drive home. How far would most be willing to drive?

[Tribble]

So how far away should the guys I date live? They would have to take me to and from a date, then drive home. How far would most be willing to drive?

 

Ah ha! I get not driving and don't think it would be an issue on a first date (although it might be later on in the relationship as others have mentioned. But why do they have to take you to and from a date? Is this a first date? You said before you get around on public transport, why can't you get to dates on your own? If you're demanding someone pick you up and drop you off home on a first date, that sets a precedence that you expect that all the time. And that gets old, fast.

[MissBee]

I'm too scared to drive, but I manage to get around by taking public transportation or getting rides. I don't live in a big city like NYC though. Is this something that makes guys not want to date me? Because I meet guys from dating sites, then can't get a second date, could this be the reason?

 

There's too little information to go on to determine that that in particular is the reason.

 

I've been in the position several years ago before of not driving in a city that was a big driving city', it didn't stop me from getting second dates or having relationships though, although with one boyfriend he did express that he wished I had a car. But otherwise it wasn't a huge problem. No guy ever made it a big deal or turned me down because of it so I wouldn't jump to assume that's the case without knowing other details.

[katiegrl]

I don't think not having a car is the issue. The issue is your being *fearful of driving,* thus indicating you will NEVER drive...unless you take steps to overcome the fear..

 

If a man is seeking long term....wife/kids, this WILL concern him as how will you transport the kids around? Doctors, school, emergency????

 

Have you considered taking steps to overcome the fear?

[preraph]

In your instance, because you don't live someplace where everyone uses public transport, it's a big red flag because it tells everyone that you are phobic and not well balanced. You are an adult. Whatever caused this fear could be fixed through behavior modification with a psychologist and you should be dealing with it. Being afraid of something everyone else does all the time is an anxiety problem, which is a mental health problem, and everyone knows it. So yes, some men would be wondering what ELSE is she weird about. Take care of your problem. You owe it to yourself. These things happen. I knew a guy like you once. He had been in a bad accident when young. He completely freaked out the one time I had him in my car with me.

[d0nnivain]

So how far away should the guys I date live? They would have to take me to and from a date, then drive home. How far would most be willing to drive?

 

 

That will vary from individual to individual. I think most would get sick of playing taxi service quickly. Looking forward they would wonder how you get to & from work or if things really worked out between you, how would you take care of children, get to the grocery store, take them to the doctor etc.

 

If you are determined not to drive for whatever reason, you probably need to live somewhere with better public transportation so it's less of an issue.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I understand that some people may have their own personal reasons for not wanting to drive. What I don't understand in your case OP, is what are you afraid of exactly? Getting into a car accident? You can get into a car wreck even when someone else is driving you somewhere. Are you afraid of the high gas prices that you'd have to pay? You most likely will have to compensate someone with gas $$ if they're taking you to and fro. Are you afraid that driving seems too difficult (and scary) and that you'll never get the hang of it? This is what Drivers Education and Driving Schools are for. With regular practice, you can probably learn how to drive on public roadways in a month or less, depending on how long it takes you to learn and how eager you are to learn.

 

My concern for you is - because of your paranoia and fear of driving - your lack of potential independence for yourself. If you never (?) want to ever learn how to drive, you'll have to ALWAYS depend on someone else or on public transportation (which can become quite costly and inconvenient at times) for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. You'll be hard pressed to find an SO who would be willing to transport you anywhere and everywhere you'll want/need to go forever. Do you plan on having kids in the future? How will you transport them to school/to doctors appointments/school events/to the grocery store??

 

If I dated a guy and he told me that he doesn't drive, has never driven and never wants to learn how to drive, I'd probably have to end things with him; because for me, owning/leasing a car and driving oneself to and from places is a sign of independence and being able to tend to their obligations without me having to take them everywhere they need to go. I wouldn't mind if a guy wasn't driving because he didn't have a car or because his situation was temporary - but um, no...I can't see myself dating and being in a relationship with a guy who has never driven a car and never plans to.

 

 

 

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